Second post - big steps made

@amzer well done for positive steps you have taken. I used gamstop to block my access to all sites and I signed for the maximum which is 5 years. I lied was v deceitful and my ultimate betrayal was to withdraw £5000 of savings that was in my husband's name. He found out and the fallout was terrible. I always knew what I did was v wrong but this addiction consumes  you up . However now it's all out I feel set free...... Trying to remember the lies........ Staying up half the night covering my tracks deleting emails clearingcomputer history.......trying to get to the post first ...... No more. But..... Everything I have read here I have taken on board relapses if they happen seem to be v distructive. And this addiction seems to be a lifelong fight. I'm 17 days today gamble free I'm not embarrassed any more and have now owned it to quite a few people. I worry about my 15year old son and I'm hoping that I can leave speaking to him about it until he's a few years older and I have a few years gamble free under my belt. I'm having counselling 2nd session tomorrow. And when gamanon start meeting again I will go. I'm not embarrassed........But vvguilty and hate myself for what I've done. My marriage hangs in the balance and I'm not blaming him but a lot of my triggers to gamble have come about from difficulties in my relationship with my husband that I have failed to challenge. Moving forward I do feel I have nothing to lose anymore by challenging issues. Ohhh and my husband has full financial control and I have no access to bank accounts passwords etc. It's difficult to advise you about your partner I don't know if I would ever have confessed but like all gamblers I was waiting for the big win ! The win in which I could pay off everything put savings back no one would find out. It's not real I won £5000 paid off chunk off credit card saved money..........gambled the rest .... Gambled the savings.......run the credit card back up and then got found out it's a vicious sickening cycle. But I'm starting to get a bit of determination and grit back to beat this but I need all those blocks and safeguarding to give me space to heal. I'm not sure if what you have in place is enough to stop you gambling I hope it is. If you are unsure the free phone number and online chat will support you and give you the best advice. Try everything that you can to stop now otherwise the future going forward will get darker. I wish you all the best with your recovery post on here if you can people's stories will inspire you and support will humble you. Kind regards.

Hello,

Well done for everything you have done so far, it must be a massive step forward for you. 

I am a girlfriend of a guy who is a recovering complusive gambler and when i read the post to him i asked him for his thoughts on what you are implementing and he came out with exactly what i was thinking...You have left the door open. Please don't take this as a negative only an honest opinion of a couple who very much understand this situation and really do want to just make you aware of the danger you could be putting yourself and your partner in.

Giving up control must be the hardest thing to do especially if your partner doesn't know. I had no idea of my boyfriends gambling and he'd lost a serious amount of money when he finally told me but he said the relief was massive. I was heartbroken but knew i had to help him as he couldn't see his way out. Almost a year on and he's doing amazing, paying his debts every month and we are much stronger together than him fighting this on his own in silence.

My only concern for you is the future, you are buying a house which is an awesome achievement but you could risk it if you have a relapse. Your partner should know what is happening within your relationship, your loss of money isn't what is important but what is is honesty.

As i said at the beginning you have made massive steps so WELL DONE YOU and to do this on your own is huge but please reconsider, us partners love you and would want to help you overcome this beast of an addicition, what is it they say "a problem shared is a problem halved"

Whatever you decide to do be strong with it and if you decide to go it alone keep seeking all available help, even if you think it won't help it's not going to harm.

Xx

Hi keep it up. And remember next time if you get the urge to gamble, ask yourself would an idiot do it, if the answer is yes, don’t do it ?

Yes I agree with your boyfriend Emma it also feels to me that the door is left open a bit. And I'm sure your boyfriend would support me in saying we need all doors firmly closed  remove the temptation give us space to make better choices. U sound a lovely person Emma I hope the emotional toll of this hasn't been too much on you good luck to you and your boyfriend in the future. With best wishes

Posted by: Charlieboy

@amzer well done for positive steps you have taken. I used gamstop to block my access to all sites and I signed for the maximum which is 5 years. I lied was v deceitful and my ultimate betrayal was to withdraw £5000 of savings that was in my husband's name. He found out and the fallout was terrible. I always knew what I did was v wrong but this addiction consumes  you up . However now it's all out I feel set free...... Trying to remember the lies........ Staying up half the night covering my tracks deleting emails clearingcomputer history.......trying to get to the post first ...... No more. But..... Everything I have read here I have taken on board relapses if they happen seem to be v distructive. And this addiction seems to be a lifelong fight. I'm 17 days today gamble free I'm not embarrassed any more and have now owned it to quite a few people. I worry about my 15year old son and I'm hoping that I can leave speaking to him about it until he's a few years older and I have a few years gamble free under my belt. I'm having counselling 2nd session tomorrow. And when gamanon start meeting again I will go. I'm not embarrassed........But vvguilty and hate myself for what I've done. My marriage hangs in the balance and I'm not blaming him but a lot of my triggers to gamble have come about from difficulties in my relationship with my husband that I have failed to challenge. Moving forward I do feel I have nothing to lose anymore by challenging issues. Ohhh and my husband has full financial control and I have no access to bank accounts passwords etc. It's difficult to advise you about your partner I don't know if I would ever have confessed but like all gamblers I was waiting for the big win ! The win in which I could pay off everything put savings back no one would find out. It's not real I won £5000 paid off chunk off credit card saved money..........gambled the rest .... Gambled the savings.......run the credit card back up and then got found out it's a vicious sickening cycle. But I'm starting to get a bit of determination and grit back to beat this but I need all those blocks and safeguarding to give me space to heal. I'm not sure if what you have in place is enough to stop you gambling I hope it is. If you are unsure the free phone number and online chat will support you and give you the best advice. Try everything that you can to stop now otherwise the future going forward will get darker. I wish you all the best with your recovery post on here if you can people's stories will inspire you and support will humble you. Kind regards.

Thanks Charlie. 

I really appreciate the time and honestly in your post. 

Reading what you have done and Emma have done I really feel like you haven't done enough to protect myself yet. 

You seen to be really proactive which is great. I've read that GA is one of the most effective treatments for recovery so I'm delighted to hear you're considering that. Hopefully the in person support group will help you navigate the conversation with your son.

Im really sorry to hear of the distress you've been through. It's such a difficult addiction because there's just so much Access to feed it.

Please do keep us up to date with your recovery. I hope you feel better soon xx

Posted by: EmmaLF

Hello,

Well done for everything you have done so far, it must be a massive step forward for you. 

I am a girlfriend of a guy who is a recovering complusive gambler and when i read the post to him i asked him for his thoughts on what you are implementing and he came out with exactly what i was thinking...You have left the door open. Please don't take this as a negative only an honest opinion of a couple who very much understand this situation and really do want to just make you aware of the danger you could be putting yourself and your partner in.

Giving up control must be the hardest thing to do especially if your partner doesn't know. I had no idea of my boyfriends gambling and he'd lost a serious amount of money when he finally told me but he said the relief was massive. I was heartbroken but knew i had to help him as he couldn't see his way out. Almost a year on and he's doing amazing, paying his debts every month and we are much stronger together than him fighting this on his own in silence.

My only concern for you is the future, you are buying a house which is an awesome achievement but you could risk it if you have a relapse. Your partner should know what is happening within your relationship, your loss of money isn't what is important but what is is honesty.

As i said at the beginning you have made massive steps so WELL DONE YOU and to do this on your own is huge but please reconsider, us partners love you and would want to help you overcome this beast of an addicition, what is it they say "a problem shared is a problem halved"

Whatever you decide to do be strong with it and if you decide to go it alone keep seeking all available help, even if you think it won't help it's not going to harm.

Xx

Thanks Emma. 

It's great to hear a partners perspective on it all. You seem like such a caring person, especially to be spending your time not only to help your partner but to help strangers with an addiction you don't have. It's a really kind gesture.

You're both right. I have left myself open. I do need to tell him and I do need to put more in place. I have told him twice before that I lost money gambling and he was supportive but he doesn't know it's regularly and compulsive. My close friend knows everything & they help. I had never even considered the risk of losing my potential house. I don't know why because it's always been the same, the more I have the more I gamble. 

The only thing I feel comfortable with is telling him everything when I have already recouped my savings and have been a few months gamble free. I know that sounds very weak but I'm not emotionally able to deal with the fall out right now. 

He knows I have bi polar and I have said to him often that I can't be trusted with money and impulse buying so I think he would be fine with taking charge of my finances without too much questioning. 

My partner is 'mr perfect'. He's so we'll brought up, stable, responsible and completely drama free.

My personal, family and past life is a total mess. I am destroyed with mental health problems and in addition I have gained lots of weight while he stays fit and handsome.

My confidence cannot deal with feeling even more inferior to him at the minute. 

I had a great counselor before lockdown who I'll reconnect with when I can and I am going to sign up for Gamban or the equivalent and download blocking apps. I'll ask my phone company if the can apply some form of adult content filter too to block sites. 

I definitely need to do more. Thank you so much for opening my eyes. I'm so happy to hear your relationship is recovering and you have so much openness between you.

He's a lucky man to have someone so supportive.

Take care, thanks again.

Posted by: MythDunk

Hi keep it up. And remember next time if you get the urge to gamble, ask yourself would an idiot do it, if the answer is yes, don’t do it ?

??? Thanks Mythdunk, sounds simple but potentially effective.