Sick of being sick

Well done at making the decision to stop and you have plenty to stop for! Now put the barriers in place and self exclude ban yourself for all the online and casinos for when you get the urge! Hope it goes well and keeping posting

I’m sure a lot of us can identify with what you are saying . I’m 44 and started gambling at 6 years old in penny arcades. I too have young children and probably lost similar amounts to yourself . I don’t think we can be cured , we just need to channel ourselves into positive things . Marathon runners , chess champions , anyone with an extreme mindset and dedication are obsessives . Ours just manifested in gambling . If you channel this into your dedication to stop then there is no reason why you can’t . I wouldn’t say I was exactly a success story but very shortly after not haemorrhaging my wages all the time I could buy new clothes , treats for the family , etc . When you gamble all of your wages you lose reality that you can afford to do normal things . The viscous circle is the one where you lose the money and constantly have to try and win it back to get from month to month . Daft as it sounds you do a couple of months without it and you no longer have that pressure . Start a diary on here , it helped me getting support and in time like you say , you give it back hence me commenting here . Read some diaries on here I spent a few days at the start doing this and a lot of it resonated with me and realise I’m not the only one in the world , working my a*s off , breaking down relationships , getting paid and handing it over to complete strangers and keeping the stress for it!

Thanks for the replies Jappy and Bryan. I spent today self excluding from online bookies. I had a few anti post bets looking good aswell but i don't think it's ever been about the money. I cancelled my bank card and even made provisions for next month's wages to be paid into an account that I dont have a card for. I have read posts and threads on here for months and I doth my cap to everyone seeking help and trying to change their mindset. It is perverse as I see gambling as an old friend! The thing that makes you feel terrible, depressed, self loathed is the thing you need to make you feel better. I agree with what you are saying Bryan that I need to channel my energy elsewhere. I work very hard and I am tired of giving all my money away. I consider myself to be quite intelligent and know I have a bit of common sense but that all goes away when the urge comes. I stand by the choices I have made in my life, no one has forced me to gamble but I regret not seeking help 20 years ago. Being a compulsive gambler is still frowned upon in society today. Why don't they just stop...? Don't trust him with money, he will just gamble it..! Everyone has a choice and I am choosing not to do it anymore. Not to be a slave to the odds anymore. Everyone on this site has had their hopes and dreams shattered by one common enemy. It is very sad as I don't have any hopes or dreams anymore, all my ambitions have left me. They will come back through time but will they out weigh the urge? I separated from my fiance 4 years ago. I confessed about my compulsive gambling and she stood by me but the truse was gone. I broke her trust and that was the end. We had a house together but I left her with everything. We are still on civil terms for the sake of our wonderful daughter but I can see the hatred in her eyes. It's never faded in 4 years. I never took a penny from her, I only broke her trust and that was worse. Being single again led me down a self destructive path, I once lost £18000 in one weekend. As I have said, I consider myself very lucky. I have health, which is my wealth, a great family and good friends even though I have distanced myself from them over the years. Hopefully this is the first few steps to living life again.
Carpe diem.

Hi Marcella,

I have just read your posts. I congratulate you for making the call!!

It is certainly a difficult call to make after so many years gambling but I did just the same as you about a month ago after even longer wasting money over and over again leaving me in a financial mess. GAMSTOP was and has been brilliant and I would recommend it to anyone who really wants to stop. I'm assuming you have signed up to it too?

I have done well so far but still get the urges to play and would have played yesterday without GAMSTOP.

That urge has now passed and so pleased to have been blocked!

I wish you all the very best. Definitely keep busy and channel even more energy into your daughter who already dotes on you. I regularly read on here and this I find is a great help too.

Best wishes

Stew

Good morning friends.
Thank you for the words of encouragement Stew. Yes I have signed up. My problem is when I get an urge to gamble I would walk barefooted for miles to get a bet on! They are few and far between and I have employed some mesures to combat these intense urges. I actually feel great today and very focused on the future. Everytime I have tried to stop before its been a half hearted attempt unfortunately. Even when my relationships were on the line I never fully understood the need to stop. Why is this time different I hear you ask?! Well, the last 4 Christmas's I have spent on my own. I have been lucky that I have seen my daughter for an hour or so in the morning but leaving her is when the darkness desends. I vowed that next year would be different. I spent Christmas day surrounded by football coupons plotting my big win. Anyway, boxing day comes round, money is done, but I look at my daughter and the feeling of despair goes, replaced by one of clarity and a sense of what I have to do. Some would probably call it an epiphany I just call it sick of being sick!! I ha e another week off before going back to work and my daughter goes back to her mum tonight. That's when the need to gamble raises it's head. The devil makes light work of idle hands is the saying that comes to mind! My vice is live sports betting. I used to bet on any live sporting event but the American football has always been my downfall. Anyway, my energy is getting channelled elsewhere this weekend and I know I can succeed in beating this.
Carpe diem.

Have a plan and stick to it . As I said before if you spent half the energy and dedication into something other than gambling that you currently do / did then it can only be a good thing . I know what you mean when you say sick of being sick . What we have is an illness but can be treated . Keep focusing on what is important to you and have some goals away from live sports betting . We can’t win because we can’t stop . It’s that simple no win is big enough no loss is great enough until we finally run out of accessible funds . Have you seen anyone about your debt ? I finished at DMP which at the time was right for me , it enabled me to ensure the family didn’t suffer and always had food on the table and bills paid

Hey mate

Brutal, honest story. Massive courage to come on and post up your story. If it's anything to hold on to at all... You write like someone who wants change, finally, after all the destruction and devastation, I believe you want change anyway.

Don't waste the rest of your life with this gambling rubbish. As others have said, channel energy into new and exciting parts of life... The happiness will follow... The gambling will find it hard to keep up... Good luck soldier.

Just read your diary mate. It could be me writing apart from my main thing is fobt and roulette. I have a daughter who 12 and me and her mam split up because of gambling she give me chance after chance and she always says it’s not the money it’s the countless lies I told to cover my tracks. The trusts gone as she says, she still blames me for everything to this day for ruining her life. Moving on a few years I met somebody else and she got pregnant I was still gambling but not as badly as with the first and I was always honest and told her. Her family didn’t like that I was gambling and did everything in there power to split us up. Eventually there succeeded and I have a son who a year and half who I have not seen since he was a couple of weeks old. Her family took over so I had no chance. So gambling has cost me 2 relationships. I don’t think I ever beat gambling it’s about having blocks in place so you can’t gamvle or can’t gamble much. My life will get better when the fobt are reduced to £2 but I’m still a compulsive gambler so I still have to be on me guard. Good luck mate make sure you get as many blocks in place as possible

Good morning comrades.
Thanks for the posts and advice. I feel focused on getting through the day. Had a great day with my wee one yesterday. Have things to do today to keep my mind occupied past the dreaded 3 o'clock kick offs. I do not have any debt Bryan as I went to an insolvency practitioner two and a half years ago and sorted my debt that way. I had over £35000 worth of debt and I suppose I took the easy road out. It was hard at the time, my credit rating is zero, which means I won't be owning a mansion anytime soon! I have no debt, just been losing my wages! Have been paying the bills first though, except this month's rent but will catch that next month. Going through that process, for the second time, should have made me stop gambling for good. I think I stopped for about 3 weeks and then went back to my old ways. The chain has to be broken and I intend to make this the start of something special.
Carpe diem.

Thanks for investing your time in reading my diary . I do hope that you got something out of it and can recognise some of your own behaviour and thought processes in it . It’s humbling so thank you again . Hope the last day has been a positive one , there are some great people here who really want you to succeed

Hey mate

I hope you are well. Have you been accessing GA groups?

Good afternoon everyone.
Happy to report that I survived yesterday. Spent sometime with family and for the first time in a while watched a live football match without having to worry about who won! Forgot how much I enjoy football when money is not involved. I did have the subconscious feeling of needing to check my phone to see the scores bit that faded later on in the day. Kept myself busy, walking the dog and catching up with things around the house. All in all a successful day. Yes signalman I am going to a ga meeting tomorrow. Not been for years but know I will be welcomed back. I can't believe it's took me this long to realise the need to change my way. I know it might be a false dawn but I feel incredibly positive about the future. Embracing my problem and not hiding it in the shadows is helping me enormously. Reading other people's stories and the support they are getting from other members has been an eye opener for me. I understand what you mean Bryan, it's very humbling to read other people's stories and have them supporting you when they are in the midst of a stuggle themselves. Thank you to everyone for supporting each other.
Carpe diem.

Hi Marcella well done today! I have been starting to stop! You have made the the steps of didn’t by self exclusion and computer blocks! Well done! My mindset changed when I stopped thinking gambling was fun/good/comfort and I was giving something up! Now I am relieved I have stopped killing myself! Keep posting and we can share our success!

Good morning brothers and sisters. Last day of the year. For the first time I can remember I am actually looking forward to what the coming year brings. Yesterday was a big day for me. As I have said sports betting used to be my thing and Sunday is the night for American football. I would usually have big money bets on the early games and more often than not be chasing my money for the late games. However, yesterday I organised a little cinema trip and came back when it all had started. I came in and watch the remaining matches with joy and no stress. I have just realised how much stress I was going through waiting on a touchdown or a goal to be scored. Now I am actually appreciating sport again. I get my little one today and we are going to a family party which we are both looking forward to.
Wishing everyone a happy new year and a gf 2019.
Carpe diem.