The following is me describing my current problem with a view on overcoming this horrible addiction. Any advice is appreciated folks….
The thought of the day is “I will not gamble” however, whilst en route home from work the urge to gamble becomes even more tempting. The continuous thought of entering the bookies becomes more vivid and I have now convinced myself that I will be attending.
I park the car in the nearest space and head straight to the nearby cash machine. I can’t get there quick enough. You try to kid yourself by trying to select a respectable amount to withdraw only to convince your own stupidity. It’s almost like withdrawing ammunition to play the machines. The notes are snatched from the cash machine and on my way I walk a short distance to the bookies.
Upon opening the door I have a scan of who is already in the premises. Is it busy? Is anyone else playing the machines?
I head to a machine that I fancy playing and before you know it a note has been inserted and a slot selected. I quickly dismiss the patronising responsible gambling function on the machine and continue to the slot I have selected.
At this stage, even before I have spent a penny or spun the reels, I feel strain in my shoulders and can see vivid images in my head of my son and wife. What would they think if they knew the real me? Unfortunately this isn’t enough for me to retreat.
I press the button rapidly hoping for those 3 bonus symbols. The notes follow each other into the machine and before I know it, I have nearly spent the lot, and in such a short period of time.
I’m in absolute anticipation to commence my free spins and I am gradually becoming concerned with the severe lack of winnings. I look at how many are remaining and in a way I want the machine to slow down, almost as if I want to savour the feature.
I am feeling angry that the winnings are no where near what I anticipated. I am now on the final spin and I am out out my misery straight away when I realise that the spin is not due to return.
I spend the remaining funds on trying to obtain those three more bonus symbols to absolute no avail. The feeling of disappointed paired with embarrassment is overwhelming as I make my way out of the shop.
As I walk to the car I’m racking my brains for excuses for the wife. I’m also convincing myself that I will now have to sell off my golf clubs and other personal items to compensate me for my wrong doing.
I then return home to my wife and young son. They are pleased to see their husband and father unknown to them of what recently occurred. My wife asks how was your day? To which I reply “fine sweetheart”…….and the cycle continues day in day out.
Thanks for reading folks. I just wanted to share my experience and see if any of the aforementioned struck a chord. I am 1 day into my gamble free journey and I feel that writing this has really helped me.
Sierra
Hello and Welcome
Yes I can totally relate to that and you have to draw some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this
However you must gather the strength to follow the trusted advice to start a proper recovery with no secrets from those who need to know.
Those bonus symbols and the top game have cost me the price of a house over the years. They have worked on a similar principle for decades allowing the dens to hone how devious and addictive they are
The slots are the crystal meth of gambling and I am now very clear how evil they are.... yes I said evil!
There is no shame in reaching out for help by telling someone. you will need to do the cold turkey backed up by blocks and living on an allowance
Its an illness and a drug addiction which is why I emptied my bank balance like money was going out of fashion.
Souped up on dopamine adrenaline frustration, delusion indignation, hope, hoplessness, self destruction naughtiness, devil may care and zoned out....... I walked to the cash machine like a zombie controlled by the subconscious mind
Only its even more complex than that as you will learn during recovery
You are in the right place and I hope you will build foundations on the tried and trusted advice
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Ok take the melodrama of it all aside for a moment if you read the story back slowly to yourself you will realise its the entire chain of events you are addicted too
I can see about 5 trigger points in that story alone
Parking the car
Withdraw the cash
Scope out the shop
load the notes in
Play for the bonus
You see if you Break one step in that chain it all stops
Your addicted to the routine as much as you are addicted to the gambling
You are describing the machines as if they are playing games with you , of course they are the software is designed by phycologists to tease your dopamine releases
Everything is rigged against you , give it up
Yes. Absolutely.
Next question is what to do about it? Because taking no action to change it will only bring more of the same and I am assuming you are looking for some change resolution when you are here looking for advice.
Some questions you can consider:
Where do I want to be in 6 months?
What am I doing to change my direction?
How will I implement this in ways that I can handle?
How will it make me feel to take such a decision now?
How will I handle the emotions of this along the way?
What will I tell my family?
What will it feel like when I have been free of this 1 month / 2 months/ 3 months?
Will I give myself a reward when I reach my milestones? (not gambling or alcohol related)
Plan friend. We are all on hypnotic autopilots most of the time and no one tells your subconscious what do.
If you follow a plan you can
A stick to it
B refer back to it when you get lost in you thinking
C Reach a goal
And if you do not set goals in this you will just drift. It is about taking charge and owning your decisions a 100%
of the time. We need to have a month of to balance the dopamine levels again. Any expert will tell you that.
We are all here to help so ask if you need advice.
Best
C
Hi... What you describe is really quite an accurate picture of what I have done many times... Your not alone!
I heed the wise words already offered by others.
We can break this self-destructive habit.
All the best
Hello SierraJuliet
Thank you for posting and I am sure many on the forum can relate to your story. We did have to edit one particular paragraph which could have been triggering for some who might read it. We hope you feel the sense of your story remains.
You've had some very supportive responses from forum members and we do encourage you to keep posting and keep getting support. If you decide you want to stop using FOBTs you might want to consider getting banned from your local betting shops. You don't say where you live but if you're in England, Scotland or Wales you can do that via MOSES. Find out more and get their phone number here:
Why not give us a call on the National Gambling Helpline, if you haven't already? We're here 24/7 on 0808 8020 133, and by Livechat. We can tell you more tips for cutting down or stopping gambling and we may also be able to offer you free ongoing 1:1 or group support to help you make long term changes to your thinking around gambling.
Keep posting,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Hi,
I apologise for adding some details to my experience which may have retriggered the emotions of others or offended users of the forum. I honestly didn’t intend on doing that.
Perhaps the forum is not for me and I should look at other means of therapy.
Thanks for those who took the time to provide some experience. It’s appreciated.
Kind regards,
Sierra
A story that i can relate to and could have been written for me.
As wisely pointed out earlier break something in the cycle and the end result is not possible.
For me it was simple. No cash = no FOBT.
No cash, no cards, no loans, no financial control,no money, no debit or credit card for a period of 9 months plus. Ultimately no bookies.
Worked for me
Kindest Regards
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