Hi I'm Nev I'm a compulsive gambler
I have no hang ups or problems in admitting that, I know what I am and I know I have to do something about it.
I have read many of the recovery diaries on here and have decided to give my own diary a go in an attempt to get out of the ridiculous situation that I find myself in today.
I have gambled for the last 20 years and have reached the point now that my life is completely destroyed and I have to find a way to stop as the consequences of continuing gambling are unthinkable.
When I placed my first bet all of them years ago I had no idea that I would ever end up in the position that I find myself in today. It was only meant to be a bit of fun with my mates on a Saturday afternoon, only a few quid what was wrong with that I thought?
How wrong I was because 20 years later I find myself with 40k of debt, I've lost my wife, lost jobs, lost my car, lost friends basically I've lost everything of any value and all because of something that for many people is enjoyable...gambling.
Well I'm afraid that the enjoyment that I got from gambling went a long time ago, it has become an obsession and a very painful and depressing part of my life.
I will gamble on anything, literally anything. The history page on my account would be laughable if it wasn't for the fact that it shows that I've lost thousands of pounds.
Like many other gamblers that I have read on the new members forum I sit here typing this waiting for pay day next week with no money to my name, very little food in my cupboards and yet again I will have to borrow money to get to work and back. It's totally and utterly embarrassing how much of a shambles my life has become and all because of gambling.
It's not as if I haven't been in this position before because this happens nearly every month and you would think that I would learn my lesson but I never do. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep putting myself through this?
It has to stop, I have never been so determined in all of my life to do something about this chronic illness. That's exactly what I see gambling as now, I see it as a chronic illness, an illness that will kill me unless I do something about it and seek treatment...quickly.
The good thing is that because I have no money I am now unable to gamble and by the time pay day comes around at the end of the month I will have gone 8 days without a bet. That sounds quite impressive for me but I know that I will only do that because I can't gamble. When pay day arrives on the 30th I will be plunged straight back into the danger zone.
I have to put things in place before pay day so that the vicious circle is broken, I have to make sure that I don't gamble a penny and start on the long road to get my life back on track.
I know there are people that post on here that have successfully beaten this disease or at least managed to abstain for a long period of time. If your one of those people then you have my utmost respect and I'm begging you for your help and advice.
How do I even start to rid myself of this horrible disease? I mean I desperately want to I just don't know how to.
What would be your advice? Would you recommend GA meetings? How do I get through pay day without giving my hard earned cash to the already mega rich gambling industry?
I made a start the last time that I was feeling like this by self excluding from all of my local betting shops, I haven't been able to gamble in the shops for quite a while now. That only made things worse however because I got into the even worse habit of online gambling, gambling from my living room or work desk, even gambling on the bus has made it far too easy for me.Disasterously easy. Oh I'm only too well aware Mr gambling industry do gooder that you can set limits etc but a compulsive gambler isn't interested in setting limits, trust me I know.
I will gamble on anything, literally anything. The history page on my account would be laughable if it wasn't for the fact that it showed that I've lost thousands. Horses, dogs, football, cricket, slots, roulette, blackjack hell I've even bet on virtual speedway for gods sake, what sort of idiot would bet money on virtual speedway? Well I have and just typing that makes me feel incredibly stupid.
I have now self excluded from my online account which is all well and good, the problem I have is that there are stacks of other accounts that I could open. Maybe I should just throw my iPhone off a cliff and be done with it. I will certainly be looking to downgrade my phone when the contract runs out in a few months, what a shocking situation to be in in this day and age when you don't even want to be able to access the internet. Thinking about it I can't even do that because I need the internet on my phone for work. Oh well I will just have to rely on willpower and the help of this site and any help and advice would be much appreciated.
Well that's it for now I've typed enough and there's a packet of micro noodles with my name on it...how very depressing. With the money that I have lost to gambling this year alone I could be on a round the world cruise tonight eating the finest cuisine money can buy. Sadly curry flavoured micro noodles are as good as it's going to get tonight...things can only get better.
All the best with your own individual fight and recoveries.
It's going to be a long hard road but we can all do this...please don't let gambling win because if we continue to gamble we all know we can't win
Nev
Hi Nev, You must put more blocks in place. Why wait for your phone contract to expire ? When you get paid spend 20 on a sim free standard phone and put your sim card in that and immediately get rid of your smartphone, Sell it, throw it in a river, smash it. I wish you the best and it is possible.
Andy
hi Nev i'm concerned that you have stopped right now because you have to (no money = no light for the torchpaper), however when your next payday comes you will be extremely vulnerable, your pent-up desire to gamble will be difficult (but not impossible) to resist as soon as you have money again. Steps you can take :
1) download a free trial of a gambling-site blocker : here is a very good one: http://www.plevna.f9.co.uk/block-gambling-with-txnogam.htm install on all your pc's / laptops etc. - this will protect you for the next 28 days. purchase it so it is permanently installed as soon as you have funds. Maybe there's a similar thing for an iphone or netnanny for iphone etc ?
2) if you're vulnerable to online gambling, next payday take all of your extra funds out in cash at the bank, leave enough for direct debits etc. then stash the bulk of it in a bag in a safe place at home with a handwritten note stating : DO NOT GAMBLE THIS for example. No electronic funds available = no ability to gamble online. They don't give credit!
3) try GA go to GA site find your local meeting. GA isn't perfect but it offers instant, immediate help. Make a commitment to stop, even when you have money again.
The difficulty is that it's easy to stop when you're skint through gambling, but as your recovery begins you naturally (if you're earning) begin to have money again, as you're no longer gambling it away. So the very recovery & with it a better financial state creates a situation where you're able to gamble again. You've probably got used to equating money as ammunition with which to gamble, try to re=associate money with normal useful things, items you need, useful goods, healthy experiences, good food, holidays away etc. maybe have a splurge buy yourself a few things next payday, in order to re'educate' yourself that money = a means of exchange for the stuff above, not something to give to greedy gambling companies (mostly FTSE companies making millions a year).
Hi Nev glad your on here, I have just had my first gamble free week, cant remember not gambling, but tell you what feel so much better, stronger, done so much this week. hope your not gambling because your skint. I got paid last weekend plus got got a bonus as well, normally that would have gone straight on gambling, but it hasn't that in its self is amazing to me, gonna book a holiday to florida, use the money I normally gamble on something to look forward to. and that's the problem we all face chasing the big win, the big win that just never seems to happen, even if it does we all end up losing.not just money we lose our self respect our dignity, we keep our gambling secret, our dirty little secret, its almost like a drug addict. got to just stop.
Hi
Thanks for replying and for the advice especially from you davey.
Sadly I'm not aware of any gambling blocker that is available for iPhones, if anyone knows different then a link would be great.
I do like the idea of withdrawing all of my spare cash though and I will definitely do that on pay day and I'm giving serious consideration to attending a GA meeting, if only to say I've tried.
Saca, big well done to you for your not gambling for a week and getting through pay day, your exactly where I want to be the week after I get paid, cash in my pocket and living my life happy and gamble free.
All the best
Nev
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
