Hi Folks,
Ok so been lurking around the site for about a year now but thought it was time finally write about my problem.
So i will start by saying i am in my 20s still living at home and have a decent paid job and I am a gambling adicct! As you can probably tell from the title my biggest enemy is with the old roulette machine or FOBT as they are known but like most others my problem does not soley lay with the FOBT. Whenever i lose money on the machine my sports betting, poker all sprial out of control in a mad rush to get my money back betting way over my limits, and even if i do win i bet wildly on anything going as i have spare money until i eventually lose it all. What a depressing cycle to be in. I have had many a rock bottom moments over the past year but the sad fact is the rock bottom i was always at was always waiting to be out done my the next one that was around the corner. At my biggest rock moment i came clean to my my mother about the problems i was having, the 6k in credit card debts is one part of the problem but the thing that worries me most is the mental problem/block i seem to have when gambling is concerned. Firstly i would just like to say i must be the luckiest gambling addict in the world to have a mother like mine, she really is one in a million. Where i would be without the help she has given me is a scary thought. The pain, guilt, stress that i feel on a daily basis for what i have put her through really is a daily struggle. The worst part of all is i am still continuing to put her through it even no i am feeling this way. It really doesn't make any sense and it is why gambling is a very big mental illness. For the past year my life was get the wages in at the start of the month a few days gambling an they were gone, then the credit card would come out for more gambling and to pay my way to the end of the month, where the same cycle would then commence. Each time telling myself never again an that was me finished with the dreaded FOBT machines. I then broke down to my mother it was the 2nd day of the month i had no wages left and 6k of credit card debit i had reached my rock bottom. She was mad and couldnt really understand it but so supportive. It was a tough time for the family anyway as we had a few other things going on so this couldn't have came at a worse time. Anyway me an my mother sat down an worked out a plan and got me set up with some counselling. My mother took out a loan in her name an wiped all the credit card debt, I then would pay her the monthly payments until the debt was cleared. This was £250 a month and on top of all my other expenses didn't leave me much but i was learning the lesson the hard way. I finally had a way out, a chance that not many people get. I had knocked all gambling in the head not even a weekend football bet. It felt great finally all my pressure and stress i had been hiding was gone. My work started to improve, I started getting back to performance level on the sports field that i was capable off, everything was looking good. Fast forward until today an for the last month i have fallen back into my old habits only worse. Dont ask me how or why as i have no idea how i got back to this place that i swore i would never be again. It started with a football bet then another, then a game of poker, then eventually i was drunk one day at the pub went down to do a 'tip' i was given. And i found myself in front of the FOBT, and bang half an other later the credit meter said £800 with a crowd of people watching over my shoulder all my favourite numbers were rolling in. It showed how long i had been of it as i no longer was able to call where the ball was landing, one of the skills a FOBT addict learns. Anyway i collect my winnings my wallet couldnt close, so i headed home sneaking into the house to hide my winnings incase anyone seen. I swore to myself the next morning i wouldnt be back near a bookies, i would keep my winnings and have a nice Christmas. I was going to buy my mother a great present to show my appreciation for all she had done. But as all these stories go the switch instead my head had been turned back on, it had been off for over 4 months but now it was firmly back on. I proceed to yoyo my winnings up and down until i eventually lost them all. But my this stage we where only 2 days from pay day so i organised a counselling session with the the mindset i was starting fresh on pay day. Just to side track here last Christmas we got paid on the 1st Dec then again on the 19th Dec leaving me very flush for Christmas put by the 24th Dec i had lost both monthly wage packets. So back to the story i was paid again on friday there and as we stand today i have no wages left. I am back in my old cycle. I had paid my mother back £1500 of the 6k loan she took but she wont be getting £250 this month 🙁 What sort of an idiot am i? What is my mother going to think? I have let her down again so badly and i am dreading coming clean again about my recent relapse. I have no idea what will happen she probably has every right to put me out of the house, and who can blame her what a let down of a son. Words cant describe how i feel at the minute for the look on my mums face when i tell her again will be the hardest thing i will have had to deal with in this addiction. Today i found myself looking at one of the credit card numbers that was cleared but was never canceled, why i have no idea. At this point i opened up this site an registered an account and started typing. I know what way this story will go if i dont stop this now, the Dec 19th pay will be given to the FOBT machine as well. So i have set up another counselling session for this week. And I plan on telling my mother about my latest balls up this week too. So dear santa for Christmas this year can i simply have the will power, strength, courage to finally beat this awful awful illness i have.
I plan to keep updates here about how i am doing in order for me to take my mind of things if i ever find myself with the credit card in hand again. I have a list of things i need to do and will get set up before the Dec 19th pay day. Firstly i am cancelling the credit card, then getting rid of my master debt card and getting a cash card with a £100 limit per day withdrawal to prevent me from having access to interent gambling. I then will be self excluding from my local bookmakers and the bookmakers i walk past every morning and evening going to work. I mean why does a bookies open up at 9am? Well i no the answer actually so the guy like me comes through the door at 9.05.
So wish me luck. A long winded story i know but i hope someone will take the time to read it an anything that my help me is welcome 🙂
So gamble free from 01/12/14
Welcome back to recovery sillyboy8...
You know how to do it, you did it before & this is just a rubbish relapse. Do everything you say you will & do it now whilst the sting is still with you! Then put this relapse behind you & move on!
I'm not sure you asked for advice & I'm even more sure I'm not qualified to give it but I'm a compulsive gambler so what do I care about what people may think 🙁 & so I'm going to give it anyway...Sounds like you live @ home - what about asking your lovely Mum if she would handle your finances for a while? Give her your cards & let her dish you out 'lunch money'...I'm not gonna lie, it's embarrassing but when I hit my rock bottom I had to give it a go because the £100 cash withdrawal limit never stopped me!
It really doesn't matter how you do it...Just don't gamble! May Santa come early to your house!
your back on track. And dont forget how far you've come! you have repaid a quarter of that loan, no mean feat, and you will settle it even if a glitch means youll miss december's payment.
Your final paragraphs are inspiring, you have a plan and determination to stick to it.
I am finding that updating my progress is a help to me (day 4 only but still...)
I look forward to reading more of your continued successes
Day 1
Thanks for the comments folks. And yes great advice handing over control of my money to my mother. That is something that can be done if she is willing to support me one last time. Never been so nervous about anything else than telling her about the recent relapse. Trying to think of the best way to break the news. I thought about writing a letter an leaving it for her?
Anyway day 1 an work is a depressing place this morning. Just about enough money to get myself lunch what a mess. If only I could bottle this feeling an take it out anytime i ever get the feeling I want to gamble. Thanks.
Hi sillyboy.
can completely go along with your post. Been the exact same as yourself only without the Fobt machines. Was never any good at them which is probably a blessing in disguise. Relapsed countless number of times myself and currently still repaying my mum a £4300 loan I took off her nearly a year ago but almost 50% paid back, honesty has to be the best philosophy and you do feel so much better for it once it's done. It is like a plaster you really don't want to do it but quick and fast then the relief is the buzz. Also not just your mum the more people you can tell be it friends work colleagues the better. I had recently relapsed myself and I'm currently 21 days bet free. I was talking to a counsellor on this site one day and they recommended a book called Allen carrs easy way to stop gambling. It's the best£5 you'll ever spend. Read it within a week and I now know I am free of gambling. You have to read the full book and follow its steps and believe in gambling for what it really is.
Keep it going you can beat this addiction!
im here if you need a chat.
hi gb84, thanks for taking the time to read my story. The worst part for me is the the fact i have let my mother down again after all she has done for me. I am trying to find the courage to break the news to her again and ask for one last chance to beat this illness. I will visit the book shop again when i have money and see if they have the book anything is worth a try. Would be a better investment than putting the £5 on a roulette machine.
I have gambled the best part of my adult life and had the same problems with luckily the same resolve, your mother is amazing and mothers go through the same pain as us so maybe you could advise your mum to seek advice aswell sillyboy8. Payday December 2014..... Remember this as the last time you could not control that horrible impulse we have as compulsive gamblers, I feel your pain and am in the same boat as you this Christmas, of all months I could not disappoint .... I did, sillyboy8 prove and convince your mum that this is it and you really will shove this addiction/illness/horror this time, 1 day at at time, just for today... Do not gamble, good luck and hope all goes ok for you, merry Christmas.
Hi sillyboy, its been a while since you last posted.. how are things now?
I'm here too...Hoping you're doing ok?!?
Hi folks,
Sorry it's been a while since I last post an that's probably because I don't know where to start. To summarise anything I could of done to mess up I managed to do. My December pay packet lastest all off 3 days lucky i had managed to buy all my presents before I started my roulette binge. After promising myself that this was the start of it an that my christmas wouldn't be like last year I manged to find away round te blocks. I had set a limit on my card I couldn't take out any more than £150 but no I manage to find a bookies that accepted card over the counter an dumped the whole wages into the machine. Anyway I broke down to my mother again and as usual she was supportive as ever. Said we need to look at what has went wrong an what led me back to the machine and not make the same mistake again. I had managed to pay all my bills for jan with some money I got for Christmas but this January is going to be long month. But what worries me most is there is still a voice inside that's says just one more big win an then quit for life. But when will I ever realise there never is no one last big win is there? I still am telling/ trying to convince myself that I can still control my sports betting. Honestly what do I need to happen for me to finally rid myself of this illness? Has anyone any suggestions? No matter what blocks I put in place iv always managed to get round them? Well tomorrow I am taking my first big step in this new recovery process I am going to self exclude from my local bookies. I have never done this before purely because of th embarrassment aspect of people talking about me etc. but I feel this will be a big step. Well it's 3 weeks to my next pay day an I need to figure out in these 3 weeks how I am going to break this cycle. As I am beginning to feel like the boy who cried wolf and there is only so long this can carry on for! So here it goes I will be taking it day by day but here's to 2015 being a roulette free year.
Will be looking to start a dairy in the dairy section just so that when I reach the point where I think I can let my gaurd down I can go back an read the low points to remind me of where I never what to be again.
Hi
Have you attended GA. There you will hopefully find the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can & the wisdom to know the difference
I am just like you mate and it doesnt get any better , I have gambled for nearly 20 years the last ten are probably the worst if not certainly the last 5 years.
The reason is the rapid rise of the roulette machine and the speed in which you can lose money , trust me I am in a very well paid job and speak from personal experience within 50 minutes you can lose £3 grand.
I have now self excluded from all online bookies and for me you need to self exclude from all the bookies you visit which you feel comfortable in , you might no someone who works there or have mates who blow money on the fobt too , either way cut out all the bookies that you use and self exclude , yes its a bit crappy going in all nervous and self excluding but you would be suprised they have a folder full of fobt addicts like me and you and is every day stuff for them.
Then consider local counselling from Gamcare it might not be your cup of tea , but try it once and see how it goes , it might help.
Your mum like my mum is your rock through all this , she supported you and if you let her will help you get out of this mess , my mum like yours would go to the end of the earth for you.
Are you ready to get help from a counseller ?
thanks for the replies it is comforting reading other people's stories an listening to people who have been through what i have. I am trying to break the crazy cycle of get paid, blow the lot, swear that is me done with the fobt, only to begin the cycle once more when the awk sure one £50 just thought occurs. I have neve been to GA there doesn't seem to be one close enough to my location. An I have had 12 week counselling session an while it was nice to talk to someone openly about it an it worked at he start it didn't have the lasting impact I was hoping for. The Problem is I work in a city so my lunch hour is my main source of gambling an it would be near impossible to self exclde from all the bookies in the City so if I badlt wanted a spin an sure I would be able to find one.
I am ready to do what ever it takes to beat this even if that means swallowing my pride.
If you live in a city im sure there are Ga meetings close by
There must be a session within 15 miles of any majot city , also it costs £35.00 per hour but maybe consider hypnosis works for some people I know
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