Hello
So yesterday i finally oppened up to the world that i have a gambling problem.
When I was 14 years old I used to hang around an amusement arcade. This is where my gambling on machines first started. I have flirted with game machines on and off through the years a pound here a fiver there. It was manageable, I could cope with it and was just a bit of fun like how I play the lottery just a line nothing more how it should be done. i had a few months off work after an accident and I was bored and went into a bookies and had a go, I went in on and off for about a year, it got out a bit out of hand nothing too major my wife who was my gf at the time found out and told me never to do this again. I didnt for a year but then i started again and for the last 3 years. I have been in the bookies playing the high roller machines i can explain why i dont understand why i did it. i hate myself for it and am so ashamed.
I have remortgaged the house behind my wifes back (had house before i was married) I have borrowed and am now in a bit of a mess defualted on a loan and cc (now have a payment plan in place)
I have always been secretive about money with my wife never telling her the truth about how much i earn and she had no idea about this issue. Or so i thought..... About a week ago she kicked me im livng at my folks she had basically found out about the money and asked me if i was gambling again. I owned up and said yes I wrote her a letter yesterday telling her the truth i opened my heart up and just let it out.I poped over the house and gave her the letter. Well she has told me our marrage is over i have broken her and that is it..... Im devestated that i have lied to her for these past 3 years.
I few days ago i knew what was happening subconciously and spoke to a private medicare i have with work they have offered me some behaviour theropy counciling which i am going to take. I feel good that i am doing this.I feel there is a weight off me that it is our in the open. I am anxious though at what i have done to my family and kids and runined it all.
Hi Andy,
Welcome to the forum. I'm afraid its another sad story on gambling destroying lives and relationships. I really hope for you that your wife forgives you for the mess you've made, all the lies you've told her. Us gamblers are very good at this! If you really want to stop and put barriers in place to do so, if she loves you I think you'll get a chance. But it's all up to you, the family is the innocent side of this, you have to want to STOP and this means never gambling again.
I've caused a big financial mess in my family but luckily my wife forgave me and I'm now in the last chance saloon. I didn't get found out about my addiction, I cleverly hid it away for 3 years before I knew I had a problem and to be honest I didn't like myself anymore, gambling had changed me as a person. (have a read of my diary if you wish).
This forum and the support on here, plus the stories people post have helped me realise how bad and evil gambling is. This addiction I suppose is worse than drinking, smoking, drugs. You decide to comsume these, with gambling its an action we mentally decide to do, even when we are soder. Also attending GA meetings has helped me enormously, without these I know I wouldn't have stopped for the 90 odd days so far.
Good luck friend. Hope you can turn things around and get your family back. Keep posting.
Evening Andrew
I'm in the same boat. I had chance and did not heed the warnings and continued to gamble and went to far when I spent the wedding find and more. I was shown the door and I wish I could tell you I'm back but 8 months later I'm not.
As much as o love my ex and son and would run back to them if I was asked it has been the best thing for her and him. I was not giving them any quality of life. Spending money like it was chocolate coins telling lies keeping secrets and wasting time and not being there for them even though I thought I was
I'm not saying you won't get back together I have read on here people who have had great turn arounds.
I thought if she saw me stop gambling she would have me back. I put everything into stopping for her and my son. I Came on here started a diary, I go to GA, handed over my finances was completely honest with her and my family and friends they have been the key things fill transparency no more secrets. I soon realised I can't do it for her I had to do it for me. Once I started doing that I got my self respect back I'm not a bad person I just made some bad choices.
Now I am making good choices I have a far better relationship with my son spending quality time with him rather than being in the same building as him. Things are pleasant with the ex but I can't say any better than that but I did hurt her so much
I wish you well keep sharing on here and never say never I haven't. Have a read of my diary I'm sure you will relate to an awful lot of it.
KTF
Hey guys
Thank you for your comments I will have a read of your diaries how do I access??.well my gambling is odd I seem to do it when I have excess cash seem to just blow it when I know I have nothing more to blow or need to feed family I stop. feel so much better today after last night writing that letter and owning up. I am out in the open my friends have been so amazing this last week and supportive my wife well...... That ain't good it is making me anxious. I took my kids to the circus tonight ate ice cream on the beach and it honestly was the nicest quality time I had with my kids on my own I felt so clear and clean. I have made a vow to myself no more bandits or bookies. my friends family are managers in a lad brooks tomorrow he will have my details and pictures and I am to be self excluded so happy about this. Bring on counciling next week I'm ready to restart my life and put this right and control this ugly illness. My wife is so angry I really can't blame her.... I'm ashamed but if she loves me and if this is meant to be we will get through this I have to have faith. Cheers guys for reaponding!
Andy
By the way I'm 5 days clear
Just click on a poster's name to get access to their page and then go onto the threads section (... if I remember rightly) then you'll see people's diaries.
Thanks for this! I have started my own diary I am finding it good to talk and want to keep a track of where I am
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