Hi everybody.
I'm Lisa, I'm 24 years old and currently not working as I'm off work with depression.
I have being gambling for about 3 years, it started off as one bet on the slots every now and again whilst my ex partner was having his 'fix' as I used to call it. I had my first big win off £200 one night when we randomly went to a casino. I was extatic and felt so lucky. It was then it started getting worse, I used to have to work over seas going to France, when I was on the ferry I would immediately go to the slot machines and play for the 2hour journey. Before I had got to France, I had earned a weeks wages. I used to feel invincible. My relationship then broke down and I battled with him through domestic abuse, he was physically aggressive to me, emotionally and mentally. I totally broke down, I received counselling and help from women's aid, but the gambling has never left me.
Two years later I'm in a same s*x relationship, I've never felt so happy. I feel completely in love, but I can't shift the gambling, I secretly used to bet on mobile casinos running my phone bill up to £400/500 per month, go to casinos, or gamble my wages on other on other websites. I finally in March realised it was a massive issue, I told my partner, opened up to my close friends and family about the extent of my gambling, but I just can't get the urge away. I feel so guilty to my partner who has had to keep trying to run the household, pay rent and bills, I have many unpaid bills now, my phone cut off and I just want to better myself. I feel sick when I think about the money I have wasted but I just wanted to try and turn a financially difficult month easier, which never happened and Infact made it worse. I had one good win last year of £1.500 which I was amazed at!
I have since not gambled a penny since April, since my stresses, depression, and health have got worse I just want advice on what steps to take to improve my situation. My partner is so angry and tries to be supportive but she can't, she gets so angry and blames me. I know this is my fault and I don't think I am coping with the guilt of what I've done or the bad feelings. I am awaiting a counselling appointment, is there any other help, services or therapy etc people have found useful. Or any inspirational stories people can share with me so I can see thing will get better?!
Many thanks!
Lisa xxx
Hi Lisa
It was good to talk to you earlier on chat. You have taken some huge steps telling people arranging counselling and not having a bet since April.
That's a brilliant start. Lots of great stories on the diary section some not allow successful but full of hope with people not giving up on giving up.
Keep sharing and reading other diaries the support on here is inspiring in its self.
KTF
Thank you, I will definitely keep this updated with progress. X
Hi Lisab, welcome to recovery 🙂 & a massive congratulations on being 5 weeks gamble free 🙂
Sounds like you've had a terrible run of things & I wonder if these lingering issues are still a result of the domestic abuse you suffered? As you will know the perpetrators have a way of instilling into their victims how worthless they are, that they are somehow to blame & that they will never find anyone better than the offender...Could it be that you almost can't believe your luck now, having found someone to love & be loved by?!?
Gambling seems to feel like the only option sometimes & yet all the times you risked it to pay a bill or make someone happy but lost it all, you figured out a way to manage anyway! Maybe give the National debt line a call depending on what a mess you are in. Apart from relinquishing financial control & coming here, the turning point in my recovery was drawing a line under my losses. Don't get me wrong, after nigh on 30 years of throwing away everything I could get my hands on in an attempt to make my 1st million on a £500 jackpot machine, it wasn't easy & even now I still sometimes wanna kick myself but I can type this to you now without clawing @ the guilt noose around my neck!
I see you've been on chat, have you spoken to the GamCare advisors? What about GA? There is lots of advice within these pages but best of all, there is hope 🙂
I would thoroughly recommend starting a recovery diary as it will give you a safe place to come when you need to fight urges & maybe even let off stream.
Your partner will be angry & frustrated @ times, she may even find coming here or speaking to one of the advisors, maybe even having counselling herself of some use! But for what it's worth, as Ade2, a good friend of GamCare once typed & I've been quoting ever since...Recovery is possible - ODAAT
Hi Lisa...and welcome ...
Your in the right place for lots of support...
Your young....with your whole life ahead of you...you can get through all this...I know it doesn't seem like it now...but you've already made a great start...get some advice from the helpline....read some diarys on here....take one day at a time and it all becomes clearer...you've been through so much all ready and I'm sure the counselling from gamcare will help you loads...take care...keep posting love x
Hi Lisa,
You have recognised your gambling and shared it with someone you love already. You are on this site and going to see a counciller and not gambled since April. You are obviously quite strong willed no matter what you think.
It took me until I was in my thirties after many years of playing mostly slots to really come out and say I have a huge gambling problem. I'm sorry to hear you suffered in an abusive relationship. My wife was also in the same position before we got married and she has gone through councilling for that also over the years.
You will definitely get there.
I'm really enjoying starting to write a recovery diary, maybe that would help you also. Writing is great therapy
I wish you well
hi lisa how r u;? no fluttering i hope keep posting xx joe
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