The worst years of my life!

Pauline,

That story touched my heart-i am so sorry to hear about your illness and my thoughts are with you.

Gambming is the devil (got to understand why roulette numbers add up to 666 eh?) but honestly in so determind to stop now more than ever. Ive been gambming free for four days now which for me is a long time and that will continue. This is my last chance- i can sense it.

God bless you my friend and remember day one is better than day 0. Go for the self exclude option!!

Hi Gucci,

If I could offer just a few things I learnt that ultimately led to where I am today. 100+ days gamble free. I can’t say for sure this is it, that I will never gamble again but I’ve never felt stronger or more convinced I’m done with it.

4 odd months ago I’d virtually accepted my fate. I’d given up trying (as in, REALLY trying) to give up online slots (my nemesis). My fate being, I was never going to be able to give up and this was going to be my life, until the day I die. A compulsive gambler who would gamble for xx days/weeks until the losses just got too much, self exclude then xx days/weeks (normally days) later I’m back registering on a newly opened site (which is why there are always new sites opening up).

I can’t say for sure what happened in particular to turn the tide but just over three months ago a switch in my brain sort of went and I started to see with more clarity. It was a combination of things.

LOSS CHASING. Accepting (and I mean TRULY accepting) that the money has gone is absolutely paramount. It’s a mindset thing and of course, far easier for me to type than to actually achieve. But trust me, once you have ‘moved on’ from being eaten up from the worry and guilt about things that are in the past and you can do zilch about, everything becomes so much easier and you will stop going back trying to win your money back. The fact you have a positive balance is good. You’re stopping at the right time, before the credit cards start to pile up and the saving you have are completely depleted.

JUST NEED THAT ONE BIG WIN... and I’ll stop? It’s a reasonably logical sentiment but massively flawed. Firstly, unless you get really really ‘lucky’ you will end up putting way more in before at least a decent sized win occurs. Secondly (and far more importantly) the bottom line is that winning is far worse than losing. A seemingly ridiculous thing to say but so true unfortunately. That big win, whilst great at the time, as it fills our brains with dopamine, ultimately all it has done has dragged us further into the abyss. That big win / big balance rarely ever makes it to our bank accounts and even when we do withdraw it and walk away we can never get rid of the notion it is sort of ‘free money’, And then it’s not IF it’s WHEN... We may resist for a while but in our heart of hearts we know, we know we are going to be back and that money, that briefly bolstered our bank balance, will be deposited back in. We know what happens next, nearly always. Money gone in an instance and then it gets worse still. The deposits which follow on, as we chase our losses and so on.

GIVE UP FOR LIFE. This was an important one for me. For years as I tried to give up I could never accept I needed to cut it out of my life forever. So when I was trying to give up I would set a period of time when I would allow myself a little reward gamble at the end. This is so massively flawed it is painful! Firstly, just knowing I’d allowed future me to gamble meant I never got anywhere near my abstinence target. Secondly, really... a ‘reward gamble’?? What was I thinking!? 🙂 Did I believe that I was going to spend that £50 I’d allowed myself and then just walk away? Nope, it was always going to be the gateway back in to gambling cycle. Rinse and repeat. The moment of realisation that gambling will no longer be part of my life was the moment I took a massive step forward in fighting this demon. Weirdly it feels like you are saying goodbye to a friend and telling them you never want to see them again, even though they live just around the corner. When you stop of course, you see they were no friend.

BLOCKS. GAMSTOP. In particular, Gamstop. The one stop place where every online gambler who is serious about giving up needs to register and register for the max period of 5 years. Any online CG aware of GAMSTOP who is not doing this is not serious about giving up. And it goes back to my previous one of not wanting to cut it out of our lives forever. A good litmus test of, are you truly ready to rid yourself of this disease and move on with gambling well and truly behind you? is what goes through your mind at registration. We are all going to pause before selecting that 5 year option. Maybe 2 years or even 1 year for starters. That’s a bad sign and time to remind yourself again, this is forever. A few months ago I know I would’ve opted for the 1 or 2 year option. Now, with the awareness I have, it was straight to the 5 year option. In fact, I know I would’ve plumped for the ‘forever’ option if there was one.

SUPPORT. For years I tried willpower alone. I’m a strong person who normally gets what they want, so naturally I figure I don’t need any help, I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out of it. Decent enough logic for most things but through painful experience I eventually conceded it doesn’t apply to a CG trying to control or give up gambling. For right or wrong I choose to keep my girlfriend out of it, but I started counselling a couple of years ago via Gamcare and it gave me that outlet I needed. Unfortunately when my free sessions were used up and I wanted to continue privately with her I discovered strict ethics rules meant I was unable to. To be honest, that was a massive kick in the teeth and I felt a definite sense of being abandoned at just the wrong time. I slipped back in, worse than ever until I then decided to try another councellor a year ago and she has been working wonders ever since. It was a slow process but piece by piece, bit by bit, every two week session when I’d go in and have to say I had gambled again,I was getting ever closer to that tipping point when the desire to give up gambling was finally greater than the desire itself to gamble.This forum has also played a big role in giving up. I find it not only full of great advice and support but also very therapeutic.

Good luck and stay strong.

Gucci87 wrote:

Pauline,

That story touched my heart-i am so sorry to hear about your illness and my thoughts are with you.

Gambming is the devil (got to understand why roulette numbers add up to 666 eh?) but honestly in so determind to stop now more than ever. Ive been gambming free for four days now which for me is a long time and that will continue. This is my last chance- i can sense it.

God bless you my friend and remember day one is better than day 0. Go for the self exclude option!!

You need to read Paulines post, above, every day....

I know from experience that those who have a terminal illness speak the truth. They have nothing to hide.

Pauline, today is day 70 for me and today, after reading your post, I swear to you that I will not waste the time I have left on this planet, gambling. Please take some comfort in knowing you've made a difference in my life by reading your post. Bless you.

At the moment I would say don't pay off the credit card debt if you fear a relapse.

Let the monthly payments be a reminder to you.

Maybe re-evaluate once you feel stronger and have a fair amount of gamble free days under your belt.

For me the guilt eased off with time but is still there at the back of my mind. I use it as a healthy reminder of the damage gambling can cause.

The money has gone and for me accepting that has made my 100 days gamble free relatively easy to achieve. I do appreciate that this may not be the case for everyone.

Good luck in your recovery.

Hey Gucci,

Well done for coming here and recognising your problem. As others have stated here, focusing on the financial aspects of the gambling is probably not the best way to approach this. However I would say that it sounds like you are in a position where you haven't completely f****d up your finances like me and so many others on here have, so take that as a positive!

If you feel the need for additional support may I suggest you try attending your local Gamblers Annonymous meeting? I know it may seem like a daunting idea but in my experience its an incredibly positive and supportive environment so I think it could be worth a try. I wish you all the best!

CG