Time to be a better person.

Hi Sally, you have come to the right place if you want advice on how to stop gambling. But experiance has taught me it sometimes isn't easy. On this site there some amazing recovery stories, some horrendous loss stories (mine included) and some people who constantly give superb support, take it a day at a time, read a lot, post a little, take it all in, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STOP, it has to come from within. Good Luck - Paul

Hi there Sally,

just from my short experience here already, I can tell you that you have made a great choice coming here. You will see you are not alone and we all have similar situations, we can all get through this. Take it one day at a time, as you have just gambled today it will seem really hard from this point, but it does get easier everyday, even if it is just a little, but will lead to a lot more.

You have called yourself weak, selfish and greedy and what not, but you have forgot something in that list that is more true and important than it all. You are determined! Determined to stop, which is why you have posted here. It's a great step! Don't look back, don't put yourself in misery thinking about the past, make yourself smile looking forward, knowing you won't ever do it again. It's a battle with the mind, that's what Iv found, but I'm choosing to win, and I hope you do to.

good luck

rayan

Hi Lost my Life.

Thanks for post & support.

Is needing to stop the same as wanting to stop??

i need to stop, I need to stop throwing our money away.

I want to stop the feelings of guilt.

I want to stop the self loathing at what I do.

I want & need to start thinking of other people.

I need to be able to stop and hope that that is enough to make me want to stop.

I'm not making any sense am I.

Within is empty and has been for years.

My head is a mess.

I do WANT this to stop.

Thanks Rayan

Yes, I am now determined to stop.

I wish you the strength to win everyday.

Yes Sally there is a huge difference to wanting to stop gambling & wanting to stop losing money. Without the desire to stop the behaviour & not just the negative consequences of it you will always struggle to stop

Dan

Hi Sally,

Welocome to the forum and weldone for a first brave post.

Unfortunately addiction feeds on low self-esteem especially when coming down from that high of a win only to loose it all. It makes us feel all those things that you have mentioned.

Stopping does not automatically take those feelings away however with the right help and direction things can and will start to get better. I would recommend you have a chat with one of the gamcare advisors as they can offer you some practical advise and perhaps put you in touch with a counsellor.

In the meantime have a think on this:

Current Thought Possible distortion

I hate myself I hate what I have done.

I am weak I have had some weak moments but I can get stronger

I am selfish I have acted selfishly and the guilt I feel shows I am remorseful

I am greedy I have at times been greedy

I am a total waste of skin I have let some of those who love me down but I am a human and make mistakes

I need to stop gambling I want to stop gambling so that I can resume a possitive healthy life because I deserve it

Like I said just something to think about.

I wish you all the best and hope you find the courage and determination to knock this addiction.

Hi Sally W,

Our thoughts are with you.

Can't really add much to the other responses really. They all show a lot of sense.

Try and keep busy it seems to keep my gambling urges at bay. See the section about this aspect on the Forum.

Take Care Now.

Hi Dan,

Thanks for your comment.

If I took your comment at face value, factually, I might as well give up trying to give up now as I am doomed to fail??

But no, I believe that addicts never really "want" to give up drinking, shooting-up, depositing funds or whatever their vice is because they like the buz or whatever they get from it or they would not keep wanting to do it.

They give up when they need to for their own salvation & peace of mind.

When they can finally see that by continuing they will destroy everything that is left. (Be it health, wealth or happiness.)

Being a gamberler and reading a lot of the diaries here, I believe that people are successful with stopping when they can really see that they NEED to stop.

Where that need comes from is often from the need to stop losing money.

A gambler finally sees that gambling = losing money

A gambler NEEDS to stop losing money.

So a gambler WANTS to stop losing money.

So a gambler WANTS to stop doing what makes them lose money.

So a gambler WANTS to stop gambling.

So WANTING to stop losing money = WANTING to stop gambling.

So I both want & need to stop & as Rayan kindly said, I am now, today determined to stop losing money, so that means I am now, today, determined to stop gambling.

Here's my day 1 tomorrow.

Hi Dan,

Thanks for your comment.

If I took your comment at face value, factually, I might as well give up trying to give up now as I am doomed to fail??

But no, I believe that addicts never really "want" to give up drinking, shooting-up, depositing funds or whatever their vice is because they like the buz or whatever they get from it or they would not keep wanting to do it.

They give up when they need to for their own salvation & peace of mind.

When they can finally see that by continuing they will destroy everything that is left. (Be it health, wealth or happiness.)

Being a gamberler and reading a lot of the diaries here, I believe that people are successful with stopping when they can really see that they NEED to stop.

Where that need comes from is often from the need to stop losing money.

A gambler finally sees that gambling = losing money

A gambler NEEDS to stop losing money.

So a gambler WANTS to stop losing money.

So a gambler WANTS to stop doing what makes them lose money.

So a gambler WANTS to stop gambling.

So WANTING to stop losing money = WANTING to stop gambling.

So I both want & need to stop & as Rayan kindly said, I am now, today determined to stop losing money, so that means I am now, today, determined to stop gambling.

Here's my day 1 tomorrow.

Hi sally

Well done for holding your hands up and admitting defeat.

I hope you continue to visit the site and make some kind of recovery.

My salvation was writing on my diary everyday and reading and now offering my advice to people who search for the peace of mind i have achieved which you can also.

Make this site your addiction for a few months till you have built a defense.

Invite your partner to read your diary and let him see your progress which i'm sure will give you boost and a pride and maybe instill a trust back which i'm sure you have lost.

Stay strong

Thank you everyone for your posts of support.

Dez1, I have tried talking to my partner, tried to tell him I have a gambling problem but he fails to understand.

He is wonderful & too giving.

To try & explain...

I do all the family finances, he has not got a clue about money, could not sign on to a computer & has no email or anything like that. (when he needs to send a text I have to do it for him.)

t have always paid all the bill & I have never been late with any payment.

He always has food waiting for him when he gets in from work & there is always a clean pair of socks and pants waiting for him in is draw each day.

He is happy to live like that, always has been, happy to leave eveything to me, he refuses to see a problem that he can't actually see!!!

The problem is that this leaves me all the stress of making ends meet.

It is me that has the sleepless nights while he snores.

It is me that can see that the bills are going up each year & yet our incomes have reduced each year. (both being self employed and both being hit with the last few years downturn. )

It is me that works from home with less to do each year/day & panicking about money.

It's me that sat watching advert after advert & thought... Why not give gambling a go!!!

i tell him I have a problem, I have told him about my big losses some days and how helpless I feel and he thinks a hug will make everything alright.

He gives me any extra cash tips he gets and tells me... "cheer yourself up, have this to play on the slots"

He came home tonight to find me down & confessing to losing too much money on the slots today. I begged him to let me sit him down and go through the finances so that he could take over for a while and take the stress and the ability to gamble away from me....

He said...."why don't you try one of the Bingo sites they keep advertising, maybe they would be better than the slots!!!!!!!!"

Bless him, love him, but not what I need.

If he came home tomorrow & I told him I had had a go at Bingo and had lost all our savings he would just give me a hug & tell me to try not to worry.

I worry because I do the bills !!!!!

i am not sure why I am writing all this but maybe it will help by putting it all down in writing.

Maybe if I read what I have written when I get up tomorrow morning I can make some sense of the way I feel & find away forward.

Anyway, I do know that I need/want to stop playing the slots.

So I am going to stop. (& no Bingo for me either. Never played it and do NOT want to go there!)

Thanks for your help Half Life.

He dose not care because he refuses to get involved with finances. He says he is useless with that sort of thing. When I met him 26 years ago he didn't even have a bank account. He got paid weekly by cheque that could be cashed at Midland bank.

I installed Gamblock back in December but I work from home using a lot of different programs. I started having problems with what I needed to use so handed the laptop in to Head Office IT team who uninstalled it as said that that was the problem.

I didn't tell them I needed it as was too embarrassed, I said it was to protect my teenage son, just in case.

So Gamblock is not an option.

I emailed the only Casino I use today requesting they close my account but I got a reply saying that they could see I had had some bad luck so had credited my account £250 cash.

I logged on and withdrew the cash.

Emailed them again saying "Thank you very much." but this time I told them to close my account & also added that I was asking due to a gambling problem.

They have now closed my account.

I know there are others out there so will need to think of something.

Am looking into GA but none local that I can find on Google.

Me again Dear Diary.

Still trying to get my thoughts straight.

I am still struggling to get my head round the kind advice being given around the Need to Stop as opposed to Want to Stop.

Would anybody have come to this site if they were winning money by gambling.

Would anybody have come to this site if they were at least breaking even with gambling.

I don't think so.

They come because they NEED to stop losing money, not because they no longer enjoy gambling, not because they no longer WANT to gamble.

If they could get the buzz out of gambling without losing the money they would not want to stop.

So they don't a WANT to stop, they NEED to stop because they are wrecking their lives with the money they are losing.

I loved playing the slots but I have to stop, not because I WANT to but because I NEED to.

Does that mean that in your eyes I am destined to fail?

I think I have as good a chance as anyone here of beating this terrible addiction.

Sometimes needing is better than wanting. (If I only went to the dentist when I wanted to... I would never go!!!)

Have you spoken to Gamcare online. They are trying to arrange one to one counselling sessions for me. Like you i live very far from GA sessions i think chester which is over 100 miles away! They will be providing these counselling sessions soon about 25 miles away which is achievable for me. They are free.