To-day

So sorry to hear this.

You know what to do, this site is full of advice, you can do it.

Money is an important part of life BUT it's not the be-all and end-all. None of us can take it with us. Your son's life is not ruined - he can make a good life for himself without your money (plenty of people don't inherit anything and they are fine). Of course your money may have made a difference but you can't always know whether that would have been a fully positive one... this may sound mad, but you never know, having nothing can make some people determined to be a massive success themselves, whereas having something can remove that motivation to succeed.

Anyway you might be reading this shaking your head thinking "what the hell is she on about?" but I wanted to throw that idea in there, in the hope that it might ease your despair a little. Despair won't help you in any way.

Try to get out in nature and remember the stuff money can't buy. Remember all of life that's out there that's nothing to do with gambling. The gaming industry can't touch the breeze in the trees or the birds singing.

The most important thing for you is to stop gambling altogether, right now.

I really do feel for you. Sending all good wishes.

FF

Spaingone, I am so sincerely sorry that this has happened my friend - we have spoken in the past and my heart goes out to you.

So what now? What will tomorrow hold? When you wake, the sun will still rise, and the world will carry on as it did yesterday.

I am in my forties with no possessions, no material wealth, no home of my own, no partner and a mountain of debt that I can never realistically pay off.

But I have never been happier. The things that make me most happy in life, like charity work, hiking, writing, singing cost little or almost no money. Cold hard cash is everything, absolutely everything when you are gambling; once you stop, you realize that there is only so much you can eat, so much you can drink, and there is only so much time you can have off of work to enjoy other pursuits and activities. Feetforward is absolutely right when he says you need to re-discover what is important.

You are 56 - compatively young by todays standards and there is a chance that you may only be half way through your life. You think it is in ruins and that you have ruined your son's life - I am her to tell you that it doesn't matter my friend, it doesn't matter because there is nothing you can do about it.

Tomorrow matters, and the day after, and the month after that, and all the years that you have left here my friend. This is what counts now, this is what matters; even if you have nothing, you have options, you still have a way forward, even if it means you are limited financially.

You son has a very long way to go - you haven't ruined his life, but you may if you wallow in pty and regret for the rest of your days. Imagine him speaking at your funeral, saying "My Dad struggled with addiction for a big part of his life, but from the age of 56, he turned his life around and was the best Father you could imagine".

You can't give up the game while you are still in it my friend. We both know that life can change at the drop of a hat - you need to make sure you are ready for it, you need to make sure that you are finally going to tread a very different path in life.

It probably isn't what you want to hear, but what choice do you have my friend? You owe it to yourself and your son to press on, despite what has happened - you are not a bad person, you are someone who has struggled with a medical condition, that is the bottom line.

If this post, and the other posts are no help to you, then I sincerely hope that you know that people will always be here for you and believe that you can still have a decent quality of life, with or without money. Life is a long game, it is only half-time my friend.

JamesP

Thanks to Feetforward and James for their inspiring words, many true words spoken my friends; So the future we will see, but there can be no doubt that to succeed I will need to be on this site on a regular basis. Thanks again FF & James, you are a comfort in a very large dark deep hole.

Hi Spaingone - In your deep despair when you started this thread you said you thought it couldn't help you - well in a small way from your last post I can see that it has. That is the strength of this site - there are so many brave, wise and inspiring people on here that you can't fail to feel better about yourself and your situation when you read what they have to say. I would urge you to log on to the site at least once a day. Remember you are not alone in this, and you will always find comfort and support from people who know exactly how you feel and will help you fight this terrible curse of gambling. Good wishes to you on your journey.

Joanna

You are hugely welcome Spaingone, no problem at all.

I want to tell you about a lady on here who I spoke to some time ago. She was 80 years of age, had gambled all her life, lost everything and had been a burden to her family who had almost disowned her - there is no age where stopping isn’t a good idea, but the sad fact is that it was pretty much too late for her but, again, imagine her funeral “Well, my Nan/Mother gambled all her life but towards the end, she came through it and we finally saw the best of her”

Compared to her, you are a proverbial spring chicken my friend. You may feel you have done too much and that there is no way back but that 80 year old woman would have done anything, absolutely anything to be 56 years of age again. You have a wealth of time to put things right as best you can, and that should be your goal now - as I said, what has gone before doesn’t matter, it has gone; you can either spend the rest of your days wallowing in regret and self-pity, or take stock of what you can do to be the best you can be, for everyone.

Again, if you think it is too late, then imagine the fate of that poor lady, and imagine how you would feel if you were posting something similar here again when you are 66, or 76. You have an opportunity to take a different path my friend - value it, cherish it; you can’t let what has happened have a serious effect on the rest of your days my friend. Money can only do so much for you and your son - not having an inheritance may inspire him to achieve more in life; I have friends of mine that are just treading water until they receive what is coming to them - it’s no way to live.

This is your ground zero, your rock bottom, your lowest point - there is nothing more to be gained by thinking about it, so start clawing your way back to the top; none of us know what our future holds, there may be some twist of fate where what has happened had happened for a reason. Imagine devoting some of your life to charity, imagine the people you could help; they would never have known that, they would have never have had that if you hadn’t made mistakes through gambling. That is how I live my life now - I am more of a “yes” man than ever; I do things because of what I went through, and my life has never been richer or more fulfilling.

JamesP

Just wanted to say a big thank-you to James & Joanna again, its nice to receive such nice posts, when one is feeling so low. I know what I have done is wrong, but can I correct this faulty thinking in my head (that I can beat a computerised machine !), or can I just win a little to take me out in a while, or fill the car up with petrol (we all know those thoughts). The temptation is always there ................ I am determined this time, so if you want to contribute to this difficult long journey, please help me and post on here.......... i'll be back on Monday - R

Afternoon everyone, my issues relate to the way I feel, now I know I have reached the end of my gambling life, I feel so bad I can hardly function, for the past 6 years I believed I would recover some or all of the funds I had lost to the roulette wheel, now having finally disposed of K100, knowing I cannot go back or I will end up bankrupt, the feelings are horrendous. Currently off work on a weeks leave, I am suppose to be cleaning the house therapy? I just can't do it, I am just lying here on my old settee, which I could have replaced a hundred times over, thinking what's the point of cleaning in fact what's the point of anything, see what I mean utter despair, here people say it will get better, how can it, my financial future is ruined. Maybe getting off my chest will help.

Hi Spaingone, always a positive thing to be posting, whatever the circumstances,

I felt the pretty much the same, the last time I relapsed before stopping for good. The emotional torment, mentally and physically, was almost too much to bear; it felt life I had been wrung inside out and I was much like you were, unable to work, unable to think or feel much of anything.

It will get better because it can't get any worse if this truly is the end of gambling for you. Your life cannot fail to improve from this point onwards if you stop - your finances may be in tatters but money can only do so much for you and your son my friend.

You need to think and take stock of where you are my friend - jump on a train, somewhere remote, maybe the sea, maybe the countryside; just take some time out to walk and think - it will do you good to escape the confines of what has happened to you my friend. Trust me when I say that it works wonders, and it will only cost you the price of a train fare.

There is only so much money can give you - I know that now. I dreamed of things I wanted - I never wanted them really, because I never would have risked a penny. There is only so much you can eat, there is only so much you can drink - money means nothing to me now; it give you options, fair enough but then again, you don't know whether they are the right options.

Life will go on my friend, the sun will rise tomorrow as it has always done. There is no question you will feel better in time - there are some shortcuts to feeling that way, like getting out of it for a few hours as I said. Thinking about doing other things with your life is another - your life could potentially end up better than it would have been if you hadn't of lost that money.

JamesP

Spaingone - you talk about the end of your gambling life and so be it; you are not at the end of your life though, and however despairing you feel now things can only get better. For a start, you have made a positive decision to stop gambling and to lose no more money. By the end of this week of not gambling you will have saved £ xxx - the money you have lost has gone but you have the potential to build up your finances, albeit slowly, and to feel better. You have only to read some of the stories here to see that many people have lost sums comparable to yours, yet they have survived and are leading much happier and fulfilling lives. Come and join us in the 2014 Challenge (on the Overcoming problem gambling page) - our leader is Mr Brightside and you will benefit from his encouragement and that of all the 'team'.

Good wishes for your journey.

Joanna

On this site there are a great many people, i dare to say some quite clever astute people, how did we get conned ?. i have/had a gambling problem and i know i am angry at being sucked in by these FOTB machines. i believed when i gambled on roulette i was being offered a fair playing field 'black/red.50/50 chance. Now does anybody outthere on this site believe that?. In my 6 year experience (and if you check bookmakers accounts) there is a note to the accounts stating ' new customer allowance' which means when you first play there is a little allowance to allow your funds to grow, then if you don't take it ................... gone ..gone all gone. So in my opinion this begs a question of legality. Is the machine a genuine 50/50 chance (excluding zero) ? and are the bookmakers claims they are all random a lie ? Seems 4.5 billion pounds of profits from 'fotbs' a tad large for just numder '0' . Any lawyers got a view outthere?. Is the gaming industry telling the punters a LOT OF LIES.

Of course they are rigged...didn't you know ?! If you are a business, why settle for a 2.7% edge when you can boost that to 12% or 20% ? The FOBT user has to declare which even chance or numbers he has backed in advance, the machine is programmed to boost profit to give the opposite result or a near miss to wind up the punter etc - not every time as that would be obvious but often enough to boost profits. Online graphics-based casinos operate in similar ways. It's like playing a fruit machine, with a fixed % payout, it's just a graphical representation of a roulette wheel, that's all.

So Davey if as you say and I believe they are rigged, again I ask about the legality of our belief. They certainly don't claim or say we are a rigged game, they say we offer a random spin on roulette ? No one would wittingly play a rigged game would they ? Any more thoughts anyone on the fairness of the Fotbs ?

They can call it random by doing something like this : say you put £100 on red in advance, the program produces an outcome of 12 possible numbers, for example 8 of which are black or zero, 4 of which are red, then makes a random choice out of those 12. so you still have a chance of winning, but only 4 out of 12 instead of 18 out of 37.

Horse racing is known to be rigged, people still bet on them! Many suspect poker sites to be rigged, people still bet on them! The urge to gamble outweighs any fear that the game is rigged, compulsive gamblers do it anyway! Many people gamble as a way of self-harm, few do it to actually win money, that is just the surface motivation to gamble, not the deeper one(s).

Hi Spaingone - I raised this point when I first joined this site, regarding online slots. Almost every new site I joined allowed me to win quite handsomely during my first couple of sessions, only for me to lose most of my winnings in subsequent sessions. I posed the question - why do they persist in declaring that their games are fair and operate on complete randomness, when they obviously 'rig' their slots to allow newcomers to win? I assumed that the fact they operate outside the UK means that they are not covered by the Trades Descriptions Act or other legal restrictions.