Trapped in deceit and lies, need practical help

Hi Jamie, welcome to recovery 🙂

This set up may well be funded by the industry that has bought us to our knees but it is us CG's & our loved ones that are here for each other!

I am sorry to hear you have had a horrible time & I'm guessing you probably know but many people turn to gambling to block out their anguish. You are not alone but now that you have accepted the respite it gives you (for how every many seconds you can afford to pay out) hurts just as much when the gambling tokens run out with the additional shame & pain of gambling to boot, you must look for different solutions. I would suggest a call to Gamcare as your 1st port of call as they can help with counselling or give you details for debt management, then maybe look for a GA room near you. Maybe get over onto the recovery diary section to give yourself a safe haven to go to when you need a rant - watch out for naughty words though, Admin will star them 😉

Practically, we cannot win because we cannot stop so get your gambling triangle (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) broken in the 1st place. That means self excluding, handing over your finances, downgrading your bank account, keeping busy, anything you can think of really. Barriers won't stop you gambling, but they will buy you time when the urges hit!

You may have had a sh17 life but you're not a bad person, addiction makes us crazy but it doesn't have to be like that! You just have to be prepared to fight for recovery - ODAAT

Hi, Jamie,

ODAAT is spot on in her advice to you - but if you want things to change, then it's down to you to act, you have to do what it takes, follow the advice. You're responsible for what you do.

No magic wands available here but a lot of support for when it's tough. And encouragement from the recovery diaries.

Wish you well,

CW

Send your money to syria and palestine my friend. You will win. The rewards you will get is worth been broke for. Right now your not even getting rewards you are just settif yourself up for the ultimate mysery. Normally id say just stop and save and get your life together but my point is if yoy cant keep money your better off letting it go to a good cause. Peace be upon you

thanks for the advice.

I do beleive politics and conflict has nothing to do with addiction, although I do appreciate the spin you put on it with perspective. Although I would question your knowledge of compulsion. I dont consciously set out to destroy my mind. It is this lack of education which scares me so much about recovery from gambling. Compulsive gambling is made to be a choice and the fragility and desperation makes it seem not to be the case at all.

As for approaching help, I have identified a GA meeting which takes place on a Sunday although I do think a form of CBT/DBT or psychotherapy is crucial to break this obsession. Where I am (Sheffield) I have no immediate family or friends so its hard to surrender finances in all honesty. Not to someone close enough to trust anyway. So that makes it tough in this early stage.

Do the meetings work? I have placed a self referral into the NGC in London and approached my doctor for practical help in the past few days. I am desperate for help its just the steps taken so far havent been at all successful.

Thanks again.

The meetings work if you work them and wont if you don't

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I would say 12 steps meetings do most defintely work as they do in Liverpool, but there isnt one for miles and miles around in Sheffield. It no coincidence I have completely fallen off the program with no real support here, support is crucial in the early days. I did try a meeting in abstinence and sat and listened to little more than personal attacks on people who couldnt defend themselves. It wasnt a 12 step meeting. Who wants to be verbally battered for something they feel awful about? I know doctors dont abuse ill people.

If there is a good meeting near where I am then I will go and attend it and treat it like a religion

The website shows meetings in Sheffield?

its unfortunate that yes some meetings have become what you describe and 12 step meetings are few & far between. Stockport & Manchester i know are maybe 40 miles away but they both hold steps based meetings. I dont know your transport situation but perhaps its worth trying to get to one of those or even going back to Liverpool if you enjoyed those

There isnt a 12 steps meeting in Sheffield that I am aware of (cynical wife), if there was one I would walk over broken glass to attend that. Its the obsession which kills me mentally. As for Stockport or Manchester I would certainly consider a train there and back as I live centrally in Sheffield. I will defintely explore that idea. Thank You

Ok, sorry.

Hi Jljepson

It is remarkable how something that starts out as a bit of fun, turns into something that has the potential to wreck our lives. Gambling is now universally recognised as a addiction and for me that information was vital in helping me to overcome it. There is no one-size-fits-all solution and my approach was to read as much as I could on the subject and select the parts that resonated with me and that I felt suited my philosophy and personality. I now run a weekly self-help group under the banner of GA, but stress to everyone that they must take their inspiration and guidance from whichever sources suit them best. What our group does offer is a forum to share thoughts, ideas and information and to support each other. We neither judge each other nor preach in any way.

My main problem was with online gambling and I found blocking software invaluable. For far too long I kidded myself that I didn't need it, but I was wrong and ultimately it was the difference between success and failure. Any form of addiction can be difficult to overcome, but if you persevere, you will succeed. Failures or relapses along the way can be painful and are almost inevitable, but if you get up stronger, dust yourself down and keep moving forward you will reach your goal. Martin Luther King once said: “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

I have included below the details of various other websites and sources of information that may be useful.

Very best wishes

Ken

K9 Web Protection www1.k9webprotection.com

Free downloadable software for your computer to block access to gambling websites. Ask someone else to supply the password.

Gamblers Anonymous www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk

3 informative GA publications for newcomers are; ‘Questions and Answers’; ‘The Wheel of Misfortune’ and ‘Towards the first 90 Days’. You can download a copy of these from the website. As I said earlier, be selective with the information; not everything can possibly apply to everyone.

Smart Recovery www.smartrecovery.org.uk

Self-management and recovery training – a science based approach to overcoming addiction through on-line and live meetings.

NHS Choices www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/gamblingaddiction.aspx

Help with debt management. (Free from a registered charity)

www.stepchange.org/Howwecanhelpyou/DMPDebtmanagementplan.aspx

Hang on, you run personally a self help group under the banner of GA. That goes against everything GA stands for. What group is this?

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Hi Ken

I do appreciate everyone has thier unique pathway in recovery and with an educational psychology background I do see the vaildity of science and psychotherapy to some people and thier recovery. However, I do believe this is an illness, a spiritual one which can only be moved on by working and applying the 12 step recovery. I would say its no coincidence the people I came across in the rooms, the ones who seemed at ease were indeed those who did this program. I would love to find a room nearby as suggested prior and attend those. I want peace of mind 🙂

Everyone is different and this also applies to recovery as you so rightly point out. I accept your observations of people who use the 12 step programme, but it is not for everyone. The most important aspect of GA for me is the support that a group of people who share/shared a problem can give to each other. Peace of mind and a balanced life are admirable goals and I believe they are the keys to success. I wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for.

Ken