what the hell is wrong with me

You will always keep going because you are addicted to the act of gambling. Yes the losses hurt, trust me I know but the key is stop putting yourself into the firing line. Don’t even attempt to ‘win’ anymore, the temporary lift it may give you will never be lasting. Gamblers never win, the house will always claim your bankroll and wreck you if you can’t pack it in. I’ve come back and relapsed multiple times, kind of thinking this time will be different but in the back of mind knowing it won’t be if that makes sense. I think we need to bring that thought from the back of our minds to the forefront when the urge to gamble ever sneaks up on us. Remember the times it’s snaked you up and left feeling rotten and worthless, it’s not a friend you want to play with.

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Hello Vladab

I know it's frustrating for you to have relapsed and you're feeling digsusted about it all.

Please take a look at the online diary section, you could try keeping a daily log of your recovery process. It can really be beneficial if you think about what you might like to achieve and set yourself some goals to help stay focused. Remember to reward yourself whenever you achieve a milestone no matter how small, it can serve as encouragement to keep going.

Also a blocking software will help to stop you opening any new online sites http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww

Please call the helpline and talk to an adviser about how you are feeling. Its freephone 0808 8020 133 and is open daily from 8am to midnight.

Please keep posting

Kind regards

Cade

Forum admin

Thank you all for replying. I went to bed for the afternoon as was feeling so terrible and was up all night. What a waste of a day...all thorugh gambling. I am so messed up today...its hard to keep positive. The very advice I would give to others is not to be so hard on yourself etc but gosh its hard to apply that to myself today. Access to money is definately my weak point...I need to somehow make sure my credit card is not accessible to me. Coming on here definatley helps me and thanks all you guys for your supportive words and encouragement. I am constantly worrying about money lately and I dont know why that is...possibly because I keep throwing it away.|I had alot of things I needed to do last night and today and none of its got done due to my lack of sleep and self hatred. I think this is the first time that gambling has affected my life other than financial. and thats worrying me as I am now seening the progression of it all for the first time.I will beat this..it has to stop before it claims anymore of my life and hard work.

Hello valdab,

I've had many sleepless nights, gambling into the early hours or worrying about being broke after another binge. We are our own harshest critics. This addiction is very cruel at times and keeps our self esteem so low we almost feel like we deserve the pain gambling brings.

You messed up, we all did in the cold light of day but in addiction this isn't easy to see or get out of. We don't choose to go out and destory our finances and self worth by mindlessly gambling, though it does look that way at times. Its a complex addiction and it can really take a strong hold over time. You have to get serious and work out what you can do to stop gambling being a choice to you. Block it every way you can, you can never over do blocks if the thing you truly want is to stop. There are always ways around them so you have to ultimatly be ready to stop and actively NOT gamble from now on. 1 day, 1 week, 1month, 1 year, we live with this from now on and the next bet we place can start this all over again. We can live, controlling our actions with the right blocks and getting to the root of the "why" we gamble over the long term.

Right now your focus should just be not gambling. One day at a time give your mind a chance to get things in order and work out the long term strategy to manage this.

We're all with you but its down to you. The help is out there, you can do it. Give yourself a break but be tough on gambling.

"The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it."

All the best, take care.

Thank you so much. My credit card is bothering me so much. I cannot wait till payday so I can sort it out and not feel so bad about having spent so much on it. I thankfully have some extra money in my paypack next payday so this will help alot. But funny how I think that knowing this is possibly what drove me on to gamble more last night....fooling myself that I had extra money coming in this month so it was OK to gamle as I could manage to cover the loss...what a fool. Past is past...no more. I am trying to put something on my phone right now to block access. This will tell you how bad I was last night...the graphics were really bad...screen jumping all over the place...could not see the screen on occasions but I kept playing...on sometimes what was a blank screen...I couldnt even see the slots on occasion. Now thats bad!!! I wasnt even getting the thrill of seeing those symbols come in! Thats a really bad dose!!Im almost laughing at myself here...its unbeleivable

Hi valdab, it is unbelievable, I have bet on 3rd division games in Sweden before!!!! What is that all about, I may as well of thrown money in the river, I'm sure a lot is when I'm bored I used to gamble, keeping busy helps me stay away from the bookies, all the best mate, Jack

Hello valdab,

I know what you mean about the worry and stress of having and paying CC's and other debts off. We have to accept that that process will take some time, but that is OK! It's also going to take time for our minds to heal and to learn how to use money again and that is also OK. As gamblers we are often impatient but this can and does cost us more money/debt if we don't accept where we are and what its going to take to get out.

Trust me things do get easier after a while. A few months sounds like forever when we are stuck in the middle of the mess we have created by gambling but after that time things start to settle into a normal routine.

One day at a time, don't worry about tomorrow until its here.

Take care.

If you are trying to put blocking access on your phone, one suggestion would be go and buy a basic mobile with no internet access.

Not an easy step I grant you, but it might help in the longer term.

Can you approach your Credit Card provider to sat a low figure you can 'max up to' say £200.00!

Best with your recovery.

Hi Valdez,

This is an illness and it’s absolute insanity. There is no sense to gambling and why we do it. But if you are a compulsive gambler then like the rest of us you will never be cured. But you can arrest it and you can gain control of your life. I’m just over 4 years in, it ain’t easy but the rewards will come if you can put the effort in. Return of self worth, happiness and being able to sleep at night. And no more of that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach which you just want to cut out with a knife. If there is someone you can give control of your money to, a parent, partner or friend then do it. Don’t carry money, don’t hide anything and get to a ga meeting. You are not alone, but you can’t do this on your own. You have to accept you can never ever bet again but just take it own day at a time, or a hour at a time if you are really struggling. Just for today you will not gamble. Keep safe.