Where do I start

Hi Lucy, welcome to recovery 🙂

Just a qwik post to say Hi so you know you are not alone now, I will post properly later!

You can beat this - ODAAT

Yes you can and in time it does get better. Keep reading and find your best solution. For me it was counselling and looking through these posts and talking to people. You may need to hand over some financial responsibility and maybe it will release a huge burden if you do tell your husband...

Hi tweetypie1980

Welcome to the forum and well done for posting and being so honest about your feelings. The forum is used by a very supportive community of people who understand how you are feeling so please continue to read and post on the forum and you will receive much advice and support.

If you are gambling online you could look into installing software which will block your access to online gambling sites. We recommend Betfilter and Gamblock but do research which type would suit your needs best depending on the devices you use. Some of our forum users have described additional ways they try to limit their freedom to gamble online, by arranging their finances in ways that slow down how quickly they can access their money, or limiting their ability to spend money online. Some forum members talk about changing their bank account to remove the facility to spend online, instead using a basic cash card that allows you to withdraw cash on the high street.

I would encourage you to call our helpline and talk things through with a GamCare adviser on 0808 8020 133 or on our netline. The advisers can provide emotional support and helpful information as well as facilitate a referral to free one to one counselling appointments if you’d like to access that service.

Best wishes

Alex

Forum Admin

Thank you all for your support. I have deleted all my account and because i am in charge of the finance instead of my husband (as he will buy rubbish and spend all on his bike lol - so not sure who is worse ).

I think i know some of the triggers ie payday if i used all of it pay my debts and bills i then dont gamble. But im hoping now i deleted the account the temptation is gone and being here telling the whole world really make me face reality helps.

But i will look into.installimg software.

May i ask is that the same for ipad and mobile phone?

I am tempted to give my laptop to my brother as i dont trust myself nor mobile phone but i really hope i can stick it.

Has just created an diary in other forum to track my process so fingers crossed.

Hi, Lucy,

I'm from the other side of the fence but I definitely advise all possible barriers. Will power won't - won't keep you from gambling. To be in place before pay day.

Block your laptop and ditch your mobile for a non Internet version. Drastic, but it would remove temptation.

Go to the bank and see what they can do to help. Open an instant saver account with a cash card? Get rid of your visa so you can't deposit? Set up Direct Debits for key essentials, to come out on pay day? Move money into your instant saver by DD on pay day? The CAB or Stepchange can advise further.

Good luck,

CW

Thank you, Cinical Wife.

I will bear your advice in mind. I know i probably gullible and without sounding ungrateful, I really hope to ditch this without going world war 3. I want to be able live my life without keeping avoiding things and let this addiction ruined and ruling my life. I dont want to avoid ie no internet on my mobile phone i need to control it not go avoid it. I can't let this fear ruin me.

I know you probably think - that is what I got here at the first place but i think last 2 years and now i have learned my lesson. I got more important things in my life i need to focus than chasing money and after gambling try to fix things. ie cover up my losses.

I need to focus on how to save for house, improve my life, maybe thinking having another child and sort out my family problems.

I do hope i and i will beat this as i am one of those people hate withholding/breaking promises. I think i just need to get all this off my chest. And fix this and hopefully with the support of member here..

For me - this is really hard to open up. Especially to complete strangers. But last night reading all different forum i feel in a way relief, i am not the only one feel like this.

I need to be a better person, wife and mum. I have to.

Lucy x

Hi, Lucy

I'm a lot older than you and I'm not bothered what my phone says about my image. My teenager keeps trying to explain to me why these things matter but I don't get it! A non Internet phone wouldn't bother me but I hear that it bothers you. The only thing is, if you downgrade your phone then you can't gamble on it. It's a barrier. Not insurmountable, not the only factor but one thing that would help you or at worst, slow you down.

Staying in control of your internet phone requires will power, which is much more difficult. If you could get used to a basic phone and to others looking after your cash, being gamble free would be much easier.

Take care,

CW

Thanks for advice but i will try withy will power just now. I have all my accounts deleted and to be honest. I dont have the urge now as my mind set its in a okay good place. I sat down today and wrote down all my triggers to prepare my first councelling.

I hope i can proof myself i can do it without things need change...but i need to change ie my mentality. I guess each on their own finding their way of recovery and how and maybe yes im young and gullible. Im not worry about my image nor keep up with latest trend etc. I just dont want things or others to need to change or adapt becos i have this demons inside of me but I NEED to remove the demon from me. Its day 2 i know its too early to tell but my first aim is 30 days. And fingers crossed - i am hopefull i can do it. For the sake of my.future, my child my family. I got a lot at stake here. I know some of you heard them all before but this time and prob was my worst time in my life i have gambled....i will stop at i cant afford this. Im financial stable and i need to maintain this and control.

I HAVE TOO.

Hi, Lucy,

I wish you well but your last post worries me.

If you were married to an alcoholic in recovery, you wouldn't expect to have a well stocked drinks cabinet that he's supposed to avoid. Or you wouldn't expect to have wine each night with dinner whilst he has lemonade. If you were being supportive, there'd be no alcohol in the house and you wouldn't suggest a nice evening in the pub so that you can spend time together. Instead, your way of life together would change to accommodate his needs.

So why do you think that you have to rely on will power rather than insist on changes to support your needs? You do need barriers, all CGs in recovery rely on them. Take a hint from a certain well known brand of beauty products: you are worth it. But you need to be honest and do what it takes to stay in recovery.

I'm married to a CG and of course I've had to implement changes that affect the whole family. And from time to time it's a nuisance but better that than gambling. We just get used to a new norm. It was traumatic when it came to light, our marriage is still fragile but I do not expect and do not want him to rely on will power.

Of course it's easy now, you are between urges but success involves resisting urges. Strong urges. And no, I don't know personally but I see that a lot of CGs have posted about it.

If you are to succeed, put up every barrier you can.

CW

To be honest i dont know what or how alcoholic go thru but this is my plan to do it.

This is the first time i admit and told my brother and will see how it takes me.

Each on their own i guess and being here i need support and not get written off im gonna fail when i havent even started.

I admitted and acknowledgey trigger point and have already deleted my 2 account that i normally play.

Im not gonna explain anymore but i know the site and members will support me...say if i fail or success.

I have started my diary and aim to keep it.

L

Lucy,

I'm not writing you off, no such intention, I was aiming for reality, not discouragement. This may involve pointing out what you don't want to hear. On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for one step at a time.

Not easy but it can be done. Good luck

CW

CW,

Thank you for your concern. I understand where you are coming from especially after reading your story.

I wish you all the best and you see the light at end of the tunnel.

I guess my story is similar to a lot of CG but i know myself and my will power.

Hands up it wont be an easy ride but im in it to win my normal life back.

I know your intension wasnt writinf me off but i cant help feel a bit hurt but everybody allow to express their opinion.

In my point of view, doesnt matter if i put so many barrier up, if i dont have the will power, i will find ways to gamble.

In my case, my priority is fixing my mentality of gambling n avoid seeing that escape to reality when im down.

I mighy fail or i might success. Who knows. But this is my plan and my intention. If all fails yes im going to revisit and fix it again.

Meanwhile im positive and i know i can do it for the sake of my future as i got a lot to loose if i relapse.

I have been thru a lot at the age of 34. From the age of 12 i got a shoulder of an adult. I strong woman and i know i can face this.

I am a woman of my word. Having finallu told my brother - I can not let him down.

Lucy

Hi Lucy, I hope you don't mind me commenting on your post, what Cynical wife is saying is really true, I have been gambling for over 15 years and found that every payday I would gamble, promise myself earnestly when I'd lost all my money that I wouldn't gamble again, that I would use "willpower", the truth is if you could use willpower you wouldn't have got into the problem in the first place. Willpower does not work for a gambler because as it comes closer to payday something strange starts to happen, you forget about how lousy you felt when you lost all that money and you find yourself opening new accounts and doing anything you can to get the money you lost back! The only way to truely stop is to eradicate ANY means of gambling. Hope you are able to overcome this horrible addiction.

Thank you for your comment and concern i will take it in and bear that in mind. I am on my day 3 now and keeping a diary. I am very stubborn lol and i need to proof myself that i can do it - and i know i have that mind set - i am not proving to others but to myself. I know the tools are here and say if i fail - yes i defo will use it.

Like i mention in my diary i felt so much better telling my brother - he is there to help me and he trust me i can do it. Its some thing my strict mum had taught us.

I think my previous gambling - bcos i didnt have to admit and proof to some one ie now to my brother then i feel like as if i don't need to but keep escaping there and loose the money - i know its weird and stupid but i know where you guys are all coming from but at the moment - i know its too early to tell - i am still hyper and positive to kick this.

Lucy x