Why?

Hi alcanal - You've already said it, but I'll say it again: There is no halfway house when it comes to compulsive gambling, and you have to stop NOW! I take it you only use betting shops, so you will have to self-exclude from the ones you use - I believe this involves a photograph and completing a form. If you do happen to gamble online, then it's self-exclusion (permanent) there too and a blocking program such as K9 (free).

Compulsive gambling is no respecter of class, gender, educational standard, financial standing etc. - we have all gone through what you are feeling now - incomprehension that we could be so stupid in trying to chase losses. As you say, sometimes it seems as if we are bent on self-destruct and lose the ability of logical thought when we are in front of these infernal machines.

You say you have a great life - it might be worth trying to analyse what draws you to gambling and trying to put that right. Is it boredom, stress or some other factor you can identify?

Finally, don't beat yourself up too much - we have all felt self-disgust and guilt, so now is the time to turn that into positive action.

You have made a good choice in coming to this site, and I see that you have joined the 2014 Challenge - good move.

Keep logging on to read some of the inspirational stories here and get encouragement from the many wise people who contribute. You can do it!

Best wishes,

Joanna

Joanna

Thanks so much for your response, it was really helpful. I have closed all phone and online accounts and have blocked future access, I have also self excluded from the shops I used to use. My problem is that the betting shop I now use is managed by a close friend of someone I know, believe it or not he has the photos of people who have self excluded from his shop on the wall beside the till for everyone to see!! I would hate it if word got out about my problem. The other issue which is contradictory to what I've said before is that I cannot even contemplate how tough the next month will be not having a bet on the World Cup, the Derby or the US open golf. How do I prevent myself from the lure of calling into the shop?

Alcanal I am going to be a bit brutal here but only because I have been there and you asked for strong response . You either want to stop and therefore you will self exclude or you don't and you will make excuses. I cannot imagine any bookmaker having pics of excluded people on view but if they do that's wrong, however you can't let this stop you? What are you afraid of....do you think the guy doesn't see you out of control betting in shops/ feeding the machines? Of course he does. It's your choice my friend and I know it's a hard one because of the urges you mention and are still having. In relation to them you need to know to work out what that gaping holes is you are trying to fill with gambling? Please ring gamcare and get yourself some help. Make a decision today that says life is better without those bets. All the best mate

Hi alcanal - So glad you have been able to self-exclude and put in the blocking software - well done. re. the betting shop manager - I am appalled that he could do such a thing. If it's a chain, could you find out if this is standard practice? I can understand your not wanting to make yourself known as a friend of a friend, but perhaps you could write to the firm asking if this contravenes customer privacy, but asking not to be named.

Anyway, putting that to one side, I hope you are feeling better - the days of sanity will soon mount up.

Best wishes,

Joanna

Sorry alcanal - forgot to respond to your second question re. the temptation to bet on the World Cup etc. (My first response is on page 01.) I often think that if you have a specific problem, put it on the 'Overcoming problem gambling' page, e.g.

'How can I stop walking into a betting shop?'

You could also mention your dilemma about the photos by the till. There's a wealth of experience here from people who have had betting shop issues and will give you good advice.

J :o)

Hi alcanal,

My guess is that the fact of your photo being displayed in view of the general public will just be a blatant over sight that can be resolved no problem at all.

Some betting shop managers who have worked in the game most of their lives' will still view the whole self exclusion process with a lot of caution. It is also very common for them to make any such photographic information readily available to the many cashiers that they may have during the week, for obvious and genuine reasons.

You should make a point of contacting the relevant bookie.

Guys

Thanks for your input. I feel much better today and ready for the challenge that lies ahead. The big test will come on Saturday. I'm away for the weekend at the Coast. The problem is that we'll meet friends in the pub for a few drinks on Saturday afternoon, then the build up to the Derby will come on TV and the guys will want to place a bet in a small bookies two doors from the pub we go to. What do I do? They'll want to know what's going on if I don't get involved (my wife will also think it's really strange - she knows I have a problem but doesn't know the extent) as we 've been doing the same thing on Derby day for 15 years. I don't want to open up to them and tell them about my problem. Do I lie and tell them I did a bet that morning? Do I give one of them some money to put a bet on for me to keep me out of the shop? Help!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi alcanal - No, no money to be handed over to your friend to place on a bet - that way lies relapse, and I don't think it will make you feel all that great anyway. I think your option of saying you have already visited the bookies is the best, and use your acting skills if you 'win'. Of course, really the best option is to come clean and say that you are not betting any more - I am sure your wife would support you, and you don't have to reveal the extent of your debt. And if they are good friends then hopefully they would understand. However I can see that this could cause you some embarrassment. But I reiterate: please don't make a bet, even by third party. You will regret it.

Have a good break on the coast.

Joanna

Very very sound advice from Joanna...you could make up a story but ultimately honesty has to come sometimes. Betting via third party is still betting.

Joanna

Thanks. It's great to have someone give such clear advice when my own head is so muddled. I give you my word that I'll get through next Saturday with your wise words ringing in my ears.

Al

Hi Al

I read your post and it was like reading my own thoughts!

I have everything you mentioned in your post. And I find myself losting 3,300 in the last month in online casinos! And this was with Gamblock installed. I just got around it by resetting my laptop to factory settings.

I realise now that all exclusions do is slow things down, but they won't work singlehandedly. There has to be a part of you that needs to quit more than your need to gamble. For me this is the realisation that my story so far is not one of the horror stories I have read on here. I, like you do, are on here saying 'I have a wonderfu wife, great kids, nice home, great job, good income, lots of friends....so why am I gambling'.....

In X years, if we don't stop gambling NOW, our stories could be 'I had a wonderful wife, great kids, nice home, great job.....and I lost everything because I couldn't stop gambling.

For me the choice now is which of the two stories do I want to tell. The reason to stop gambling for me is because I do not want to be telling the story about losing everything in a few years time.

It's going to be hard to stop for good. But I imagine it is a d**n lot harder rebuilding your life again when everything that was so great ended up being lost.

I wish you well and I share your pain.

Simon

Simon

It's great to hear from you. I wake up this morning (and monday's are hard enough) still reeling from losing 800 in about 90 minutes on saturday afternoon. Like you, I am in the fortunate position that losses like this aren't critical but they don't half hurt. I kidded myself when i went in on saturday that i was going to place about 50 of bets on the horses then watch them at home later on. Subconciously though i knew this would give me the chance to play roulette on a fobt. The rest is history!!!

I've spent the rest of the weekend wondering why i did this, i'm sure you were the same after your recent losses. here are some of the thoughts i've had:

1) i think i'm smarter than the bookies and have to prove it by winning. How stupid is that!

2) the betting shop is 'my cave'. I don't need to talk to anyone, i can sit in my own world and forget about all the day to day things i have to deal with.

3) i have a self harm / destruct mechanism which keeps bringing me back despite the fact that i know i will lose.

Joanne's message to me earlier in the chain was excellent, however the best piece of advice came from a counsellor i phoned yesterday morning. The analogy he used was 'imagine you had a girlfriend who sometimes gave you the best thrills you've ever had, but most of the time she was downright abusive and wanted to hurt you, and you knew it could only end up with you as a broken man, you'd break up with her, right?' If not you'd be a fool!

Let's break up with our girlfriend Simon. Good luck friend.

Hi alcanal - Glad you are still keeping strong.

The 'abusive girlfriend' analogy is a good one, but the trouble is so many people remain in abusive relationships despite everything - you only have to read some of the stories on the Friends & Family page to see that. So we have to ask ourselves why we choose the self-destruct path; I think it's probably because deep down we know we are being reckless and stupid and in a perverse sort of way we want to punish ourselves even more. I know that sometimes when I was on a losing streak I just wanted to carry on until I'd lost all my money. Crazy I know, but that's what compulsive gambling does to our brains.

I hope you are already beginning to feel the benefits of these days free of gambling and enjoying the freedom from being a 'slave'.

Best wishes,

Joanna