Hi guys,
I have been a member on here for a while but never posted. So here is my story...
I'm about to turn 31, and I have gambled since I was 16, starting with fruit machines. During my teenage years I became heavily addicted to these things, spending every penny I had on them. In my early 20's I started to do football bets in my local bookmakers, nothing big, maybe £5 on a Saturday but as you all know this gets worse with time. This escalated over the years to betting on horses, football, tennis etc, and the stakes increased too.
I have tried to stop a few times before, and done well for a few months before inevitably relapsing. I'm not making any excuse for gambling with money that I cannot afford, though I have had a really rough time over the past 3 years losing my Mum and two Uncles to heartattacks. I think this has attributed to me relapsing as I used it as an escape from reality.
Anyway, recently I moved away from home in Northern Ireland to live in England as a job opportunity came up. I have lived here for 4 months, and it is the first time I have lived outside the family home. My girlfriend of 9 years knows all about my gambling history, and has bailed me out a few times (as has my Dad). She is moving over to live with me in August, and I really want to get away from gambling. We now have rent to pay, and I finally want to move on with my life. Some of my close friends have either got married, bought a house or both. I am jealous because I have set myself back, but I really want to get there.
I am determined to stop gambling one and for all, and I still have some debt to pay off (around £2000). My Dad has been fantastic with helping but it is not fair on him. I feel like a failure. I feel down.
I love living in England, but sometimes I feel lonely because I live alone until August, and so I have alot of spare time. I have just started a gym membership to get myself back into shape, and I hope it will also help to keep my mind busy and positive. I also love my new job, and have some great colleagues. None of them know about my past, and I want to leave it there. Before I moved here I went to see my local Doctor about my gambling issue and his response was, "What do you want me to do, I can't give you a tablet to make your debt disappear". I came out of that feeling ashamed, like s**m. I'm not, I am a smart person who makes mistakes. I just need to find a way of not making the same mistakes.
I have gambled recently, and I am worried about doing it again. I have had so many online accounts in the past, and no matter how many i self-exclude from, I have always been able to search the internet to open a new one, and so-on...
Anyway, just thought I would get this off my chest, and get it out there.
Thanks,
R
Hello ritchaldo
Welcome to the forum...and England!
If you do your gambling online then getting blocking software installed would be a big help. It would put a stop to those destructive internet searches.
Gambling is a progressive addiction, things can always get worse.
Keeping busy is crucial, even more so alone with plenty of time on your hands.
This site can help. Read how other people deal with their gambling addiction, there's a chatroom; if you find it a bit daunting (like I did) let me know when you'll be in the room and I'll do my best to be there for you. There's a good bunch of regulars in there most days, you can be sure of a good welcome.
There's a 90 day challenge thread in the recovery diaries part of the forum. Join and complete the challenge and it'll take you past August, by which time you'll have your girlfriend with you to help.
Get involved.
Phone GamCare, they offer free counselling which could be another massively beneficial way to use your time.
Fill time, don't waste it - be productive.
Ultimately, it's about making changes or you will be the same person making the same mistakes.
Sorry to read about your mum and uncles. You might find researching grief gambling syndrome useful. Seems to be more of an American term but might help you understand your gambling better if you feel losing close family members makes you want to escape with gambling.
New job, new place, long-term girlfriend who knows about your addiction; you know you're in a good position to get those things you want. It might take a bit longer, it might be a bit harder, but stay on the right path and it will take you there.
There's a Swedish proverb: "God gives every bird a worm, but he does not throw it into the nest."
Blessings
Glint
Hi Glint,
Thank you very much for your words of encouragement and advice. I have now started a diary from today. I am in very determined mood. I am going to keep myself as busy as I can this week to see how that goes. Housework, gym etc.
I will check out the chat room tonight.
Cheers,
R
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