Hi I'm having one of the worst days of my life, but also feeling relief.
I've been hiding the extent of my gambling from my husband for years and this morning he found out. I feel physically sick, ashamed, embarrassed, a waste of a life....all the feelings that I've read on so many of the threads here. But I also feel relief that he knows. I've wanted to tell him for some time, but knew he would be devastated and was petrified that he'd leave me. I kept telling myself that it was better for him that he didn't know. That way, he wasn't suffering the way I am.
I actually don't care that I am suffering...I more than deserve to feel this way. The worst part is that I've hurt my husband.
Thankfully, I haven't put us in debt, but I have wasted our savings. I just don't understand how I can be so stupid. I have worked so hard and saved all my life only to go and throw it all away. I'm too ashamed to say how much.
So today I've been given the evidence of just how muchmy gambling hurts those I love as well as affecting my own health and wellbeing. I know I have a very long way to go to gain back trust, but am determined. I've spoken with a GamCare counsellor this morning. Unfortunately, I don't have a GA meeting within 30 miles, but I'll keep looking.
Thanks for listening
Hi Bell 1234.
Its about turning the worst day of your life into a positive life changing moment.
The way you will learn to see it is that you would have continued in secrecy gambling more and more of your money away. What gambling would do to you is actually far worse than someone finding out
What you have now is honesty and reaching out. You are in the best place and you will learn a lot on the forum.
I can say now it didnt make you a bad person. You were in a grip of an addiction which has affected countless people from all walks of life.
With blocks help and counselling you will understand yourself and make gambling history.
A chat with the doctor is a good idea as they are very helpful
A wish you all the very best in moving forward to a healthy state of mind
Thanks Joydivider. I am trying to look on it as a 'lucky' day as it will hopefully be the day I turned a corner in my life. I've sorted out the blocking software and had a chat with a GamCare counselor. I've also read lots on this forum and am starting to realise that so many people have the same feelings about this addiction and that helps too.
Hi and welcome to the forum.
When my wife found out I was glad and relieved in a strange sort of way. No more little secrets or lies or unexpected bills as we had no month left at the end of the money.
Today is a fresh new start for you both. Turn the negatives into positives and put any gambling behind you for ever. The monies you have lost cant be recovered however some do think they can chase those losses and just one big win would help. Probably not a good idea.
Move forward whether it GA or counselling provided by Gamcare. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
Best wishes
Hi Bell ,a nd welcome to the forums ,you will find all sorts of good advice and help here !
Dont look upon this as the worst day of youre life , look at it as the start of the beginning of youre new life , one free from stress and and nightmares that we all know compulsive gambling brings. The only way is up now now ... you are doing positive things as i read in youre post ... so all i will say is good luck on the start of youre recovery !!
Hi bell and welcome to the forums. I was in exactly the same place as you 59 days ago. I had stopped gambling in 2014 and my partner told me that if I ever gambled again he would leave me so you can imagine how terrified I was about telling him. But i had to risk losing him by for the first time being truthful as last time he found out through bank statements where as this time i told him everything. He was extremely hurt and angry but also extremely supportive. Im 59 days gf, i attend ga and use this forum and if i do get any urges i tell my oh and we talk about it which helps so much. He doesnt fully understand what its like to be a compulsive gambler as like he said he isnt one but after explaining how it makes me feel hes beejn alot more understanding. Keep up with the counselling and any other blocks you can put in place as to what works for you best hun. My oh has full financial control but thats ok with me i also have blocks on the Internet which help if i get urges. I dont know about you but I felt such immense relief when he knew and now we are looking forwards to a happier brighter future together. Good luck on your recovery hun xx
thanks for all the supportive comments. Today has been hard, but not as bad as having the secrecy.
Thanks xmercx...it's so comforting to know that it can be done. I've got blockers in place now which def helps. I guess it's a long road to regain the trust, but you have to start somewhere, So good to hear that your OH is supportive..I can see that it makes such a big difference to recovery. Good luck to you.
Hi bell hope your ok hun xx it seems a very dark and lonely place at the beginning but you have made the first steps by coming here and putting the blockers in place. I totally understand about not caring if we feel bad I was exactly the same I was more upset how hurt my oh was but in time it heals. We get on so much better now there's no lies or secrecy between us. Keep coming on here and start a diary it has really helped. If I'm having a bad day I come on here and write my thoughts down or read other people's stories gives me so much comfort and support. Take care hun xx
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