I've just started my journey and I've let myself down and had such an emotional last couple of days. I had my appointment with my counsellor today and all I did was cry. I felt such a let down and so ashamed in myself. I explained I had signed up so I could connect with other people with the same problem and how nice you all are. I explained I had even said on the group chat I had gone my first 24 days.. I told my counsellor I didnt want to come back on here because I'd only just mentioned about my progress and I was over the moon this time last week. The woman adviced to get straight back on as I wasnt the only person to have a set back and wouldnt be the last and that you kind members would help support one another as I've seen in other peoples posts. I feel so low at the moment and it's made me feel really Ill. I've now also got gamstop because I really just want this nightmare to end and to feel happy and proud but I cant do it alone which I thought I could.
Hi Kay it was a mistake a lot of people make. Usually because it's an open door that later on you can use to gamble again in a controlled way !! No such thing for a compulsive gambler we talked a lot about this in last night's GA meeting. Prior to installing gamstop I didn't get past 24 hrs without gambling. Why rely on willpower alone when there are good tools you can use ? Smokers use nicotine replacement, drug addicts and alcoholics use medications to help with withdrawal for us as compulsive gamblers there's no meds that help but there are really useful tools, blocking access to websites, bookies, bingo halls. Asking your bank to block gambling transactions from your account of they cant/won't swap to a card such as monzo that doesn't allow gambling transactions. Take away the temptation,take away the money ,no gambling.!! It's not a cure but gives you that time away from gambling clear your mind allow healing. Taking the step of having counselling is really good and although crying makes you feel wretched at the time it's very healing and good for you to let the emotion out that's what the counsellor is there for. As the weeks go on without gambling and your mind clears you will find it easier to talk about issues...let it out. Please don't beat yourself up it's a setback, you've now made your defences stronger with gamstop pick yourself up and try again. You can do this
Hi Charlie,
I have gamban, froze my card on gambling and now have gamstop.
Its really so hard, I did so well and i feel like I've just completely ruined it. I wish I had put all these stops in place before. After speaking to my counsellor, I felt a lot better but I still feel extremely low at the moment, I have a call tomorrow to just check how I am feeling.
I wanted to try and do this myself as I would have felt more proud that I had control, I just dont know what I was thinking. You're right, i need these blocks in place and will continue to do and listen to as much support as I can because I just want it to end. I'm just thankful I have the chance to Express and open up on here without been harshly judged.
Kay
Good I'm so glad you've got all the blocks in place, think of it as a wall inbetween you and the enemy, my wall is strong now and no one is getting through. As the days go on the raw distress will start to fade and with a clear head the future will come back into view. I feel your pain I know your pain you are not alone. Take care keep posting
Hi Kay,
You are most certainly not alone, I can promise you that. When I first admitted I had an issue I went 3 weeks gamble free. Unfortunately I too had a relapse which lasted 3 days... for me I realised I didnt have enough preventions in place and that this was going to be a hell of a lot harder then I thought it would be.
I did have GamStop in place and had spent the time and effort finding a way around it to gamble... so I picked myself up reached out to my network, went to a GA meeting and took all preventions I could think of. I now have multiple softwares/site blockers including GamBan, bank blocks, handed over my finances to my partner and linked our devices. The last being a bit unnerving as he can see all my internet activity but I know it will give him peace of mind. It's been 9 gamble free days since my relapse.
The emotions that come with the relapse are slowing going away and I feel more on track them I was prior to the relapse. I have decided to view my relapse as a learning tool to better prepare myself for the road ahead. I'm glad to hear you now have blocks in place. Dont be so hard on yourself (and believe me when people said that to me a week ago I could not understnad why) but since I have learnt its not a straightforward road there will be bumps along the way, but use it as a learning tool to make the necessary adjustments.
Clo x
Hi there,
Thank you, it means a lot to know how supportive this group is.
I felt so ashamed in myself and didnt even want to come back and post because I'd managed my first 24 days and at the time I didnt have gamstop. I only had gamban and I had my card frozen.
I now have more things in place to stop this, I'm still feeling pretty low because I let my self down. I'm glad I am able to speak to other people on here about it because it was breaking me even more not been able to open up to it. If I was stronger I would have tried forgetting about it and not opening up but it was making me feel poorly inside knowing what I had on my mind. It's now day 4 free again of starting my journey again.
Kay x
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