2015 Challenge

Hi Paul,

Welcome to the challenge thread, you will need to post one more time this week to be added to the troops list.

May be starting a diary in the recovery diaries section will help too,

I wish you the very best on this challenge thread and with your recovery journey.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne I have to do it this time and the forum is definitely helping me realise the extent of what I have done for so long..

Checking in early day 123, Have a good week everyone

Hi Phil, great work doing the update every week....one wee thing - is it a milestone being 4 month GF, myself and others have now passed this and it's helps when something like this is recognised. Small steps, one day at a time. Be strong everyone. Checking in for another gamble free week, heading into the 5 month now of this challenge. Sometimes I wonder why I post as don't feel the support that others get.....perhaps it my fault as due to disabling condition I can't post a lot. This forum is a wonderful place to gather in numbers and together fight this horrible addiction we all have.

Keep on going everyone.

Mo

Day 2 and no urges just guilt and shame but that's usual for me...next text will be in 2 weeks when paid although I know I will be thinking about the losses but got to reprogramme my brain

Suzanne that is very encouraging and a milestone I desperately need to reach if I'm to have any sort of life...Well done..

Hi

I would like to join the challenge for 2015. Today for me is Day 5 - No Gambling

I'm extremely ashamed to say i've probably gambled £350,000 in my life. I'm 38 and started gambling at 25. I'm an intelligent guy and had it not been for destructive compulsive gambling over the years i'd be a very rich young man. My last massive binge, February - May 1st, I lost around £40,000 online. Disgusting and extremely shameful. I'm utterly ashamed of myself. I work hard in life only to give it all away in sometimes a matter of hours online casino. Today i feel a bit better, stronger, but on the 1st May i did seriously think about taking my own life. I thought about ways to do it and how i'd do it. I just didn't want to carry on living as this illness/ addiction has robbed me off everything. Not just an obscene amount of money, but relationships, friendships, family, jobs, everything! It has taken everything from me. The crazy thing is i am an intelligent capable person in life, most of the time sensible, careful, wise, etc but then there is this other side to me which is just completely out of control when it comes to gambling. If i had £100,000 sitting in a bank account available to me, i'd spend every single penny until it was gone. I mean, how insane is that??? Please is there anyone out there on a similar level as myself. I feel alien to be honest. I know its all relative to how much you spend but i'm struggling to *** why a normally, sensible, good, hard working person could just like that go and literally be another person in an instant. I can't gamble again (i've said this about 100 times now).. each time i must admit is harder to come back from, each binge is just sucking more life out of me. I am holding my hands up, i'm beat. I want to live and enjoy my life now, meet someone, be normal, smile and laugh again. So i have made the pact and will with myself that this is it this time. I shall be taking all the precautions.. today i am going to install the blocking software onto my laptop and iphone. As a fresh start i've closed down every bank account i have and opened up brand new ones. I just need a fresh start and looking over years and years of bank transactions showing thousands and thousands been withdrawn from my bank account would tip me over the edge. The money is gone, its not coming back and i have now forgot about it. However, i don't want to see all the history again. Yes, some might say its a reminder, trust me i don't need any reminders on paper. Firmly in my head. For me, this is my fresh start. I'm cleaning out everything and will even look to change my mobile number. I don't like who i've become and i want to be a better person so the past must go.

Hurting still from the last binge and need to take it one day at a time. I am determined this time and with your help on this forum i will succeed. I have to otherwise next time i'll be in a cold grave! I don't want that.

Thanks for listening and sorry for the long-ish post. Might start a diary when i feel ready but for now i've got lots of fire fighting (all us compulsive gamblers know about that)... the many phone calls i now need to make to try and make and clean up the massive mess in my finances, etc

Day 5 - No Gambling (of any sort whatsoever). 1st Goal - to get to 31/12/15 with NO GAMBLING

welcome brightfuture

lots of other resouces on Gamcare. Counselling, diaries and more. Stick around and pitch in.

There's even forum admin led chat 8pm every day

Hi all

Welcome to new members, Sorry you have realised that you can't fight this alone.

Firstly my advice is give up your bank cards to a partner parent or very best friend. If you have no access to money it's much harder to spend it.

Disassociate yourself from friends who gamble.. If your gambling mates are telling you that they've won loads then you can't be seduced back ( However they WONT tell you when they've lost and how much)

Be Honest with yourself and your nearest and dearest as this helps you move on and know yourself that there is nothing to hide anymore

Go to your local GA meeting the companionship and comerardery helps you move forward. Everyone there is in the same situation so the advice is very important to your recovery.

Lastly keep joining in on the chats on these forums - we all bounce off each other and it helps !!!

Good luck to all

Glads dad checking in ok

Hi brightfuture

I'm not dissimilar rational calm intelligent good jobs all count for nothing cause when I walk through bookie door that's it everything and everyone is gone does not exist...I'm starting again day 2 today and with strength and support on here I and you can do it...

Cheers triangle, Glads Dad and paulcorn.. your comments are appreciated and i've taken them on board. I'm ready to fight this head on only this time i will be not be trying to go it alone as that clearly doesn't work. In the past i've maybe gone months and months with gambling but i've never ever bothered to download the gambling blocking software or get rid of any excess money thats available to me. This time i am going to do absolutely everything i can think of to make it next to impossible for me to gamble.

Paulcorn you are on Day 2, i'm on Day 5, how amazing would it be to get to Day 365, Day 368 together!

Ok, back to more fight fighting.... arghhhhh

Yes that woukd be amazing and it's possible.. Fortunately I've never gambled online.. So temptation is not quite as easy for me but I've been in bookies so much of my life throwing away people money jobs like they don't matter..this last one has really hurt and this is last chance saloon for me.. I owe myself a life..need to start being kind to ourselves l...

Checking in on 158 days without mindlessly pressing a button on my phone/keyboard. Life has it's ups and downs but it's easier without the gut wrenching sickening feeling of a large loss.
Take care
Cheryl xx

Checking in day 3 doing ok still so raw guilt pain money worry hurting partner first counselling session next Friday and job interview tomorrow for hopefully a less stressful one than I currently have... Just got to take it day by day and not rush forward in my thoughts...

brutus123C wrote: Checking in on 158 days without mindlessly pressing a button on my phone/keyboard. Life has it's ups and downs but it's easier without the gut wrenching sickening feeling of a large loss. Take care Cheryl xx

This is so true, It used to take me days trying to put some reason to lossing so much in a couple of hours, then a couple of days later I would do the same again, life is so much better without those feelings.