Advice needed

Hi odaat81, things can take a very long time to get back to normal. Your wife will be reeling from what she has heard/seen. Some days are fine, some are filled with reminders, triggers. I think that we are just as affected by your gambling. It damages relationships, it destroys trust. Just because you have confessed and not gambled today doesn't make what you did ok. There is no magic wand. Recovery takes hard work. Also if your wife does not seek help and support for herself it will take longer.

You need to read your post back, its full of compulsive gambler mindset, things are not exactly how we want them so we throw our toys out of the pram. It may sound harsh but Im not looking down on you, Im in the same position as yourself. Im someone who has destroyed my partners trust and is working hard one day at a time to earn it back.

In your post you say your wife is struggling (understandably), but because things are not back to square one you 'can't be doing with is the unpredictability of it'. You love you family 'more than life itself' but would walk away from them because things are difficult. Your wife has not walked away, she has stood by you.

How can you earn trust back? it takes months, even years to earn back. In some case it never fully comes back, again understandably. You need to put yourself in your wifes shoes, see what she has has to deal with. You both need help and support with this, you cannot control what she does but you can go seek help to battle this addiction. What have you done so far to change? Again my words may sound aggressive or harsh but we have to be honest with ourselves and ask hard questions in this battle, I know as I also battle it each day. If you do work hard at recovery you can change, your wife will see this, everyone will as you will be a better person. That is how trust is earned.

Going by your ticker you are some four months or so gf?

In my own case the dust hadn't even started to settle at that point. We are now several years down the line and as far as I can tell Mr L has remained gf but it's still not unknown for something unexpected to give me the twitch. There have been above board explanations every time but while we've come a long way we both have to live with the knowledge he's still not fully trusted and if I'm honest is never likely to be. That's one of the consequences to his actions he has to deal with and he does that via GA.

This is very early days. Your wife is still absorbing and processing what's happened. She's hurt, angry and terrified about what the future holds. My advice would be to give her space. Whatever she wants or feels like on any given day is fine. Just keep doing what you need to do. Words mean nothing. It's the actions you demonstrate day in day out that count.

That's brilliant advice Lethe. Thank you.
I forget sometimes that its 4 months since I sought help, 4 months I've had to come to terms with it and still only a few weeks that I told my wife.
It's just really hard for both of us at the moment.
I will heed your advice and give her time and space and support.