I have been staring at this thinking about how I even put into words what I’m thinking or feeling.
I started gambling as a one off, I did it once I played a game called Golden Fish Tank, I won! I couldn’t believe I had won my first ever slot, and I regret that day more than anything in my life. I instantly became hooked.
I have 2 small children, and I always had been really good at saving. Well that didn’t last long I went on a complete loosing streak, I lost thousands. In one night I gambled thousands. I then won again, fab! I’m back at where I was before, then I lost then I really was in the deep of it.
My savings have been completely blown, every penny has been lost. I have got to the point where I buy things my children need, then after that I blow whatever else is left on gambling. All I want is the money I’ve lost back. & it has ruined my life, it’s all I think about. I can’t sleep, I’ve completely isolated myself, I won’t speak about this with anyone. Me even writing this is hard enough.
In the last 3 days, I’ve blown nearly 1 thousand pound. & I have not won back one single penny. I can gamble a few hundred in around half an hour and not think of it when I’m in the moment. Then as soon as I’ve lost everything doom completely hits. Then every penny I get after that goes straight back on slots to try and win back what I’ve lost.
Im actually not very lucky at gambling I have spent probably 100x more than I have won. But my amounts are getting bigger, the stakes are getting higher and I am becoming more and more in a very bad frame of mind.
I’m only 24, and with 2 small children to look after I can’t describe how I feel. I have tried everything possible to stop, and I sit here writing this and I think right I’ve just lost nearly one thousand pounds in 3 days. Why don’t I upload again and surely I’ll win. My mind is completely frazzled from it all.
I really am in so deep, and I just want to stop & I want to go back to enjoying my life, my kids & being a mum. Because right now the worst thing I find is I have no one else to blame for this mess. Apart from me.
Hi Emm and Welcome.
What you have been through is more or less exactly what we have all been through so we understand.
You are not alone in your actions and we fully understand.
You may not fully understand yet but you need help and the best advice is you should tell someone close now what you have been doing
You may think you can snap out of it having joined the forum but I'm here to tell you that you will almost certainly waste more money unless you get the serious help needed
It's not all your fault because you didn't know how addictive this is but I can assure you it acts like a drug addiction. Once it grips you it's no longer all about the money and more about thr feeling of gambling , getting back at them and putting things right
Only its not set up to come right......its a random act and you never repeat what you think you will get again
It's a vice a mugs game and a losing game over any length of time.....its not there to pay your bills or treat the kids
It's there to make the gambling dens richer because they don't risk their housekeeping money....the first thing you need to get clear about machines is that they take say 20% of the take every year no matter what.....that's a lot of money if you know how many gamblers they attract. It was never a fair challenge because all the risk was with you
Leave it be as its not for you and you wont be missing anything......protect your money if your parents or someone can monitor and keep it safe
I'm being serious.....you now have to start learning what compels you to chuck money away.....it makes no sense because it becomes an illness. Talk to a therapist and indeed talk to the doctor
It's about saving yourself now rather than later because it's a progressive illness
Face that you can never be complacent for the rest of your life so please watch the Paul Merson documentary and others
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
I can really relate to this, it sounds very similar to me. I have self excluded now, it's only been since last Friday so I'm on day 3 but I actually already feel more positive. I woke up this morning and I wasn't tired from staying up too late playing slots, I wasn't distracted at work and I've sat tonight and kind of worked out a budget to start to rebuild some savings. I have two children too I found at the weekend during the day it was easy, I was kept busy with them but the evenings are harder as that's when I would normally play. I can't play now I'm blocked so been trying to do other things to try and make some money back I listed some things for sale and then been looking into other ways that don't involve gambling. I do actually miss it which is ridiculous because it made me feel horrible more often than not but I'm hoping that improves with time. X
First thing to do is smile 😀 and breath easy you've opened up and that's one of the hardest things to do I too have spent 1000's in gambling recently and in a short space of time but I awake each morning with a smile and think happy thoughts you must have some? Or if not start a fresh and make some magical memories there has to be a turning point for everyone/ And yours is now erase the gambling period of your life and move on to bigger and better things don't beat yourself up over it this doesn't solve the problem slowly but surely you'lll clear your debt and be back at square one don't get down over what you've lost erase that memory just knuckle down to clear it off and start a fresh but please remember keep on smiling and be positive that you'll come out the other side just as I will 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
Thank you for your reply, I needed to hear it. I haven’t gambled today and I’m really trying to stay positive and look forward. I haven’t bucked up the courage to speak to anyone yet I think it’s more I’m incredibly ashamed of myself and what I’ve done. I struggle to even admit I have a problem, for 2 years I’ve always said I’m completely fine I’m just having fun, but the fun has gone. All I’m doing is destroying myself I honestly can’t do it any longer the guilt when I loose is too much it makes you not want to wake up in the morning, day 1 so I’m hoping I make it to day 2. Just baby steps!
Honestly I am the exact same, it used to fill up my evening when my children had gone to bed, but I can’t describe the feeling when you loose thousands it’s like dread, shame, pain. The sleepless nights and not eating just trying to think of ways to make it all back takes over your mind. I haven’t gambled yet today and I’m just praying I can keep going. I find it insane how easy i became addicted, but addicted to loosing.. as I just wasn’t winning enough to justify how much I was loosing. Yesterday loosing the £900 in 3 days tipped me over the edge and I just can’t do it anymore. I hope I get there! Xx
@emm one day at a time and well done for not gambling today, have you self excluded? If I hadn't have done I know I would have been back on by now I have really had strong urges but with the block I know I can't and have to just get through it. X
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