Massive relapse just now. Massive for me. I've just **** 500 and some on that bastad wheel. I don't want sympathy or understanding. I need your hate right now. I knew exactly what I was doing as I signed up to the new site, I knew exactly what I hoped for as I deposited 50, spun, lost, spun won, spun lost, deposited another 50 x 9.
I don't want understanding or sympathy. I'm so f*****g angry with myself. I deserve to be punished for my selfish and stupid arrogance that I was better than the system.
I screwed up my life back in 2009 through 3 years of solid gambling. I gave up mid 2010 and didn't have another bet till a few months ago. Lost, felt stupid. Fought the urges, didn't bet again. But tonight I got cocky. I felt I'd paid my dues, I felt I'd lost enough in the past. I felt my life is so s**t and broken right now that God, gambling gods, whoever runs this thing would take pity on me and give me a chance to bet my way out of my troubles.
No.
I've lost my last 500 and now can't see a way forward. BUT it's my fault. No one made me do it. I did it out of greed and ego. So please tell me what a d**k I am. Please don't tell me it's all right and oh well you have a disease that you caught when someone sneezed on you in Ladb**kes, etc. I deserve this pain I'm feeling now. If I'd taken that 500 and WON you better believe I'd be feeling pretty d**n clever right now and wouldn't even be logging on here. But I lost, as I always do and did. I read about people getting sucked in with a big win. My god! Give me a big win and stop. I've only ever lost, but even after 4 years I still go back. I guess that must make me a spectacular a******.
I'm so angry with myself right now. So, the only positive I can take is that if anyone is reading this then don't ever get cocky despite how 'free' 'clean' or how many years have passed since your last bet. I've left myself in the royal s**t.
molehole
Molehole you don't need me to say anything as you have said if all for yourself.
Within your rant you make a fantastic point that however long a person abstains from gambling the urges are always lurking so you can never be off your guard. Somehow when someone wins they think they are untouchable but it always ends the same way.
I think I can say this to you 'which part of you won't win don't you understand?'
Just take a day at a time with a motto of 'I won't gamble today'. The rest will take care of itself.
Dave
Thanks Dave. Thank you for being there. But what really lays me low is I felt I was superior to all you idiots. All you people who waste your money playing bingo because your husband/partner/boyfriend doesn't listen to you. yah yah yah.
I thought I was so better and superior to all those people, but I'm not. I'm just as s**t and lost. I've spent every penny I had tonight. And I did it because I felt I deserved to win.
What arrogance? I felt I was better than all of the stories I've read on here. Guess I got told big time tonight. I'm now absolutely financially, emotionally, humanly screwed.
It's all my own fault. How arrogant was I to give advice on this website feeling myself 'cured'. 4 years no gambling. So safe, so above you all, reading your stories and feeling pity for you all.
Well, I'm worse than than the worst person on here. I hold my hands up. I've f*cked up BIG TIME tonight. No way back for me.
Gambling isn't a 'disease' - it's a problem with why my/our lives are s**t and we are looking for a way to get rich and get out of our troubles. When we win it's the best feeling on earth, when we lose we come on here to moan.
Many believe gambling is an illness and addiction and there's lots of research to back it up.
I am sorry you've had a bet and hope you feel better soon.
tri
Molehole, you've just written what many of us have felt over the years. Get through the next 2 or 3 days when you won't feel any better no matter what people say to you then act positive. Swallow your pride and learn from it. Those urges are likely to come back again so get down the bookies while it still hurts and rather than chase, self exclude. Same online. If anyone close to you give them access to control your money. 500 seems alot now but if you never gamble again it's a small price to pay, you've got through it before you can do it again.
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