Hi everyone,
This is my first post so apologies now if it sounds like the same old, same old.
So, after reading through this forum, I've noticed the majority of the members are male.
I on the other hand am female and feel alone in this. So here is a bit of my story.
I was 18 when I started gambling. It was just after I lost my job and money was tight. I wanted to try my luck and see if I could win a little money to help with the bills. To my shock, I won 1500 which got me through a couple of weeks until I found myself depositing more and more on bingo sites. And so it began. I was hooked. I gambled so much it lead to me losing my partner and my home. I racked up 10k of debt. I know, I know, this makes me sick to write.
A couple of years ago, I stole from my husbands (the same partner who left me before) bank card to gamble. He found out a week before our wedding and vowed that he would leave me if I ever did it again.
Proud of my efforts, I quit gambling for 18 months until 2 months ago. I researched my gambling category and I seem to fit into the "escape gamblers". I turned to gambling again in June when I discovered thatmy husband and I cannot have any more children. Things got on top of me and I have now found myself back to the horrible addiction.
I told my husband yesterday that I had been gambling again and that I had worked up another 2k worth of debt. While he has stated that he wont leave me, I still feel so guilty and have no idea how to get out of this mess. I need to stop and know that I can, I just don't feel I can do this alone.
So here I am, that's me. If anyone has any advice or have been through the same thing, any information would be greatly appreciated.
Good luck to everyone.
Hi Mammap
You did well to stop for 18 months and you can do it again. You will find there are a lot on women on here. I think with the onset of online gambling more and more women are using this to escape any rel or imaginary problems they have. I too started online with a nice win of 1,000 and then another. That was over 10 years ago and I am now over 30k in debt.
You will find a lot of support and encouragement here and you are not alone. Your story is not same old, same old. It is your story and your right to tell it. Yes it rings true with so many of us but that is the nature of the beast. We understand what you have been and are going through.
Keep posting, reading the posts and diaries and you will see there is a way out, indeed you have been in recovery before so you know you can do it.
Any money you have lost is gone and cannot be 'won' back for we cannot stop gambling. Any problems which cause gambling will still be there when the gambling binge is over but with the added horror of the money lost.
They have a counselling service here which you could try. Or try a block on your computer for some much needed breathing space. Or perhaps get your husband to control your finances so you can't gamble. I have these barriers in place and it is working for me. Hopefully there will come a day when I don't need them but I am realistic enough to know that at the moment they are helping so much.
You are stronger than you think, you have proved that once before.
I wish you well in your recovery.
Elfie x
Thank you for your support Elfie. It really helps to know that there are people in the exact same position. I knew I had a problem before but my husband helped in my recovery with the ultimatum. I did it all myself, and i really was so proud of myself and now all I feel is shame as I have ruined my "sobriety".
I am indeed thinking if letting my husband control my finances which absolutely terrifies me as I pay the bills and on top of that my own debts. I guess I shall have to put it in the pipeline or at the very least discuss it. How long have you been free from gambling?
i wish you well in your recovery and thank you once again. X
Your not alone, I am a female ex gambler too been on every site going, not easy to quit, it's there all the time on TV on Facebook etc, gambling is rammed down our throats, I work in a casino so it's a difficult thing for me not to gamble, seeing it for ten hours a day, but I made the decision not to be a mug anymore, hope you get back on track, 18 months is a great achievement, keep reading the forum. Keep the diary going, everyday if need be, it will remind you of what you want to achieve. Regards Lisa b
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