I have really noticed that my gambling tendencies/urges seem to be really strong the week before I get my period. For some reason my brain just literally snaps and I think about these things but I don’t once I have my period. I’m reading a lot how it’s all related to your hormones that affect your mood so I will start really working hard on fighting during that week. I was wondering if anyone have  noticed this as well as I seem to be fine the first 3 weeks of my cycle.Â
Last year I went deep into gambling addiction with the aftermath having have lost £57k. This has left me very deep into depression in the latter months of last year but I have decided to seek help around September and completely put a full stop to everything. I have been gambling everyday with Roulette from late 2020 up to September 2021. Dealing with the aftermath was hard and really traumatic especially as debt is involved and lots of loans. With no counselling and just pure sheer willpower, I’ve decided to end it all and face the music. The first few weeks were the hardest but I was glad to have finally stopped and have sorted out a payment plan to slowly pay off the debts. I’ve dealt with it all myself and have been reading a lot about recovery so I have finally found acceptance of everything, put it all in the past and move on. I completely m forgot about the money, accepted it’s gone and focus on my payment plan. Â
I have been 4 months gamble free since until my really bad relapse a few days ago. I just got paid £2k my wages- but somehow I’m glad I transferred £600 straight to my Nsi savings. During the last 4 months I have slowly built up savings again of £2k and this made me really start enjoying life again. I was happy and really got the old me back! But for some reason, the other day just the day after I got I paid I am not sure why this all happened. I was on my natlottery account playing one of their games. I guess I thought to myself, I’ll just put £20 on and see. I can afford to lose this anyway. I was so annoyed losing £20 I put another £30 in and that was gone. I couldn’t accept the loss of the £50 so I thought to myself- I’ll turn to what I really know how to do best and get that £50 back. So I logged back in to an old site and before I knew it I was back spinning and betting £85 per spin £40 on 0 and of course never came. I kept depositing until everything was gone and I have lost £1400 in less than an hour. Reality then set in and all those feelings that are all too familiar came flooding back again. I haven’t felt these feelings for the last 4 months. I’m starting to feel really depressed again, not sleeping, sick in my mind as all I can think about is the loss. I really just want to get over it how I completely got over the huge loss last year but this time I can’t seem to let this one go. Maybe it’s because I feel that 4 months I’ve really worked hard on my recovery, feels like I have finally beaten it. I was living life again, meeting my friends, going for dinners out , even got a holiday booked for later in the year but feels like all of that hard work was for nothing. I feel like I just want that £1400 back so I can get back to where I was. I can’t accept that this relapse happened. I have a few things planned with friends like dinners out and a short trip away and now I can’t even think about that or have lost the sense of excitement, thinking about cancelling everything. My depression and low mood is back and the only way I know how to ride it is stay at home and not face the world. Luckily I have my £2k savings built up, so I have some money to live on for this month but I just feel like I have thrown away a lot of money. My situation this time is different to last year, £1400 is a lot to loose when there’s debts still to be paid. I just really really really hate myself. I really hope I can move past this.
Basically, this relapse has opened up a really big wound that was still trying to heal and now all these feelings of depression and feeling so angry and sick at myself, I feel I’m going mad as i constantly beat myself up. I start thinking about the huge loss again last year. I really wish the other day didn’t happen. I was doing so well and I have ruined everything.Â
I commented on another thread you made yesterday but as i said then gambling becomes a lifestyle and an obsessionÂ
When i am feeling low gambling is usually the first thing i will turn too however it is also the most destructive
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At the moment you are obsessing over the money you have lost and this is causing you to link it back to gambling and dwell on them depressive emotions
I would try to forget about the money its not coming backÂ
Focus on just being healthyÂ
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Thanks for bringing up this topic, it's very relevant and helpful, especially as increasing numbers of women are experiencing gambling-related harms, especially online, and may not realise other women are also struggling.
To you and any other women out there, there is help out there, both 1:1 and group, in-person, by phone and online. Give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or by livechat to find out more.Â
We also have a dedicated chatroom for women on Saturdays at 6.30pm. Find out more and join here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/group-chatroom/
There are tools to block yourself from online gambling. It's great that you found saving motivational and you still have those savings, which is positive. It sounds like when you had a difficult time, the sites were still available so you were able to gamble. How would you feel about self-excluding from all UK gambling sites? And installing blocking software to stop you opening the sites? Some banks also offer the option to block gambling transactions which needs 24-72 hours to reverse, by which time you might be in a stronger frame of mind and able to cancel the request to unblock.
As you said it's happened now, you can't change the past but you can learn from it and move on. If you need any more support to help you move on from it, give us a call. We're here 24/7.Â
Best wishes,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
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Hello
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Please don't feel upset about this hiccup. There will more than likely be a few whilst recovering. I know I have. I know exactly how you feel about the money that's gone because that has been me the last few days. I'm starting again today and I'm more than ready to give up (although I'm still struggling why I'm addicted to loosing lol). Just learn from this. What triggered you and try and replace.it with something else.dont be too hard on yourself. It's doneÂ
Xxxx
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I am also a woman and I’m currently on day 71 gamble free (the longest I’ve managed in 7 years!)Â
All I can say is that I’ve been where you have where I’ve done really well stopping and then had a huge relapse. Don’t beat yourself up here realise that an addiction is an addiction and look at it like a road to recovery for the rest of your life, no quick fixes.Â
firstly sign up to GameStop. Take the option to gamble on any site away so that’s one safety net you have. Next rather than looking at how you’ve recently failed, look at the huge progress you had made before that, and look at this like a bump in the road. You can get back on the wagon and keep going. One knock back doesn’t mean failure, giving up means failure.Â
You can complete another 4 months of being gamble free. You know you have the willpower and strength to do it, you’ve done it before. Never look back, money which is lost has gone. Forget it and look forwards to what you can save againÂ
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you’ve got this <3
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