HAS THE PENNY DROPPED YET!..... FOBT'S

Completely agree, whilst I do genuinely appreciate people taking the time to write on my post sometimes enough is enough. I don't understand how some comments can be seen as useful and encouraging when they are d**n right hurtful.

Lets put it this way. If she was a CG and she didn't tell her partner in the first instance, came on here for support and then came out to her husband/boyfriend etc and told us something useful about how it helped her and why I would take it all into account. But as it stands she is the cynical wife. Cynical of gambling and cynical of being 'lied' to. Sometimes comments do more harm than good and I wish some people would see that. (However, having said that I am secretly looking forward to her response...;oP !!!!)

I will not let her beat me! And you shouldn't take offence to it either, there are many more sympathetic and helpful people on here but it is the bad comments that we let deflate us. Chin up!!

Lou

Indeed, I've read other comments off hers and it seems like she's just taking out what happened to her on others in here, she was "done over" in a sense by a gambler and therefore wants to make all other gamblers aware what's happened to her and make them pay for it so to speak..

That's what I get from her posts anyway.

I hadn't really thought about my motives but you're probably right. But in doing so, I also show the other side - that a lot of hurt is dished out during active addiction.

I am surprised to hear that no relationship time was lost to the gambling. Most f&f report, as I did, increasing isolation by their gambler to a degree that it was positively anti social. All credit to you for avoiding that.

I might have given unwelcome prods, but it might also be worth thinking about. My husband has turned things round - for the time being.

Have you read day@atime's thread, post 760 and also his post today? Food for thought.

CW

If I am going to carry on posting on this thread! I would kindly ask you to stop posting here please CW

Thanks

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dp1988

I was exactly like you firstly hiding my gambling from family , hiding my car away from the bookies so now one would see, then once i got with my girlfriend i kept it from her for 2 years always been sly about getting to the bookies.

Then i had enough after years of failed attempts before getting together and probably losing 30k ( all paid back using stepchange ) so i just came out and told her everything , all my past. yeah dont get me wrong the days , weeks after were very hard , trust issues etc but that was to expected. I showed her i was willing to stop i opened up my accounts , emails and just came clean.

We both together filled in the self banning form for the bookies in my area so she knew i was serious this time .

now i have a debit card with no over draft and i have a float in it from her and i use it for everything , the only cash i carry is £2 if i need it for a car park. to be honest im finding not carrying cash really easy and i never thought i would.

Im now 140 day free gambling and finding it easy , i go to gamcare consellign every 2 weeks and im really trying to make not gambling the norm in my life as it once was.

everyone has a low point and you just have to hit it to want to stop , once you hit it you'll know what i mean.

there are things in place like other posters have said , please use these they do help massivly .

I wish you all the best luck in the world , it can be done

I thank you all from your posts but your all completely wrong afraid,

My wife knows about my gambling, she knows I gamble, I don't hide my car away from bookmakers I'm open and honest about where I go and what I'm doing, the only thing she doesn't know is about my debt.

This is because the debt is mine not ours, I've never gambled any of her money, or are money and I'm never going to.

I'm sick to death of People on here now saying I need to do this I need to do that, when in fact I NEED TO DO WHATS BEST FOR ME!! And the only person who knows what's best for me is....................me!

If I choose not to say to my wife oh I'm in £X amount of debt then that's my decision it won't make me any less of a person and it won't stop me from giving up playing on FOBT's.

People on here start to make it sound black and white, do this, do that, tell him, tell her the bang your free

CW might of helped many people but I find her posts on here to me and others completely unnecessary.

For the record in going to do this the way I choose to do it. And I'll prove to you all that with small lifestyle changes I can beat this my way!

I'm off here now I'm not signing up and posting to get into arguments with anyone! BUT mark my words you'll be seeing a post from me on Christmas Day 2016,

This post will explain to you all that I no longer need a fix from FOBT's, that I'm debt free and most importantly I did I my own way !

Good luck to certain people on here that I've managed to strike up a friendship with in my eyes, and to the people who get kicks out of negative, rude posts sort yourselves out before trying to sort other people out!

THANK YOU

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Ok then deano8008 yeah if you say so.

I sign up to a forum looking for advice an help, the operative word being advice, therefore it's down to me to take it or not,

But to be inundated with people telling me I have to do this or basically I'm failing isn't advice in my book, so no I wouldn't say I'm throwing anything back in anyone's face.

It seems this forum is full of people who have managed to give up and they see there way as gospel and nothing else, well they need to get down off their high horse and realise where they've come from!

.

Circumstances dictate the addiction, previous attempts to give up have been on the back of big losses, never off the back of a major reality check.

So there's the difference in the past I've only been lying to myself saying I wanted to quit because I'd just lost £X amount once recovered from that loss it's time to go again.

This time round other factors dictate my belief in wanting to control this therefore I'm not longer kidding myself.

So there's the difference. P.S sorry if there's any attitude in this response

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DP1988 wrote:

My wife knows about my gambling, she knows I gamble, I don't hide my car away from bookmakers I'm open and honest about where I go and what I'm doing, the only thing she doesn't know is about my debt.

This is because the debt is mine not ours, I've never gambled any of her money, or are money and I'm never going to.

Hi DP1988, I must say I enjoyed reading this thread and seeing your early progress.

I've quoted part of one of your posts which I can definately relate to. My fiance at the time (now my ex) knew I gambled throughout our relationship but knew nothing of the extent and the debt I accumulated. When she finally found out the extent of it and I basically stopped lying and hiding it all from her she was mostly disappointed with the fact I hid it from her. That I didn't trust her enough to confide in her and ask for support, after all we were engaged to be married. I explained that the debt was mine and mine alone, I had never spent or borrowed any of her money (quite the opposite) and that I alone would get myself out of the mess of debt. Truth is the money itself wasn't what bothered her, it was the secrets and lies. I must stress there were other issues also as to why we aren't together anymore but the loss of trust played it's part of course.

I'm not here to try and tell you what to do as we all have our own journey. I would ask a question but don't feel obliged to answer and apologies in advance if it offends. What happens when you have to pay for something substantial, say a new car or house improvements (only examples btw) and can't afford it? Will you tell your wife the real reason? I only bring this up as this was a major sticking point in my previous attempts at recovery. No matter how well I was doing something came up that needed paid and I turned to gambling instead of to my fiance/family/friends.

All the best in your recovery!

We have our money situations set up in such a way that a percentage of both our wages pay towards the running of the house etc and towards joint savings which pay for such things that are substantial.

The money left over every week one this percentage has come out is mine and mine alone and this is only the money I gambled with or money that was from a credit card that was in my name.

Nothing of our money, or her money has ever been touched for gambling purposes. And it never will be touched either

It sounds like you have a plan to pay the 12k debt off with your own money and fair play to you. Be wary though there will come a time during your recovery where things get tight and the devil on your shoulder will be telling you "just try £50 or £100 sure and try to win some £££ to make this month a bit easier".

A lot of the advice you have received is good advice but at the end of the day it's your journey. Don't try to face it alone though as abstinence on it's own won't help you in recovery.

All the best

Sam