Hey all hope all is well.
The last couple of days i have been thinking alot about this.
For me having a addictive and destructive personality has had a influence over my day to day life.
Suffering from addiction i have come to the following conclusions.
If you have a form of addiction which you have to give up for such reasons as medical financial family etc.
It is harder to do say because as much as you know its destructive deep down you actually dont want to, thats why relapses are so so common you are being forced to stop something that no matter how bad its consequences to you and those around are deep down it gives you some form of comfort and release when you are doing it.
When you try and give something up becuase you want to do it, its actually easier to do so, because of your own process and research of the best ways to stop you then put those blocks in place quicker because you want to begin recovery.
I guess what iam trying to say is when we give up addictions for those around us to stop causeing them pain and worry etc. But the main thing is you give up for you, because when you feel others are using intervention and naking you stop you tend tofeel resentment and anger and when you are given a excuse you relapse and blame the pressure of others, then the self pity starts again and the urge or want to stop actually becomes less.
Thank you for your input, it's so tough. I am the partner of a problem gambler and the reason I'm here is because we have just arrived at a very painful crossroads. I have put the ball in his court in terms of deciding to get help or I can't go on in the relationship. I have children to think of. I want to support him but can only do so if he's prepared to help himself and take responsibility. It feels harsh and new to me to take this stand so firmly. I'm so confused and concerned as I believe he is not going to take the offer of remaining together with help.. I can see that he will resent me and be angry with me for even suggesting it.. As he has told me in the past he will not get help.. The trust between us is shattered and I can't live that way. The ball is in his court but I don't think he will be able to take it. 🙁 I think you are right that someone has to want to do it for themselves and I'm afraid I've lost my family because of it. 🙁
Hi September Winds...If you pick this up, start your own thread in the Friends & Family section. I am itching to respond to you...You haven't lost your family, he is destroying it. This isn't on you & there are plenty of people here who will post to you & offer you the advice you want as well as support.
You have to protect you & your children - ODAAT
Having to Stop: Sorry, but there's no such thing for a compulsive gambler of having to stop and then sticking with the plan. We can't stop because we cannot control our gambling.
Wanting to Stop: Now this is a little different. We've all probably have said to ourselves "I'm going to stop gambling for a while" but sadly we cannnot, as again we cannot control our gambling. We're are only kidding ourselves. Sooner or later we are back to it.
At the end of last year when I'd racked up thousands of pounds of debt and I made my disasterous New Years Resolution. You could say I was in a position of "having to stop" and also "wanting to stop". Did I succeed in either? NO..... Why? Because I couldn't control my gambling, it's not as easy as that. The good old phrase "Easier said than done" comes to mind.
I hit it hard again in January, reaching my "rock bottom" at the end of January. It was time to face my addiction, I had to stand-up and make a stance, make some decisons in my life of how and why I had lost control. Addressing these problems or obstacles was the start of my recovery. I didn't need gambling in my life, it was my pit-fall, my easy escape from reality. So my mindset is focussed on not only stopping gambling but not even needing to. In the end my addiction didn't bring me happiness it was just a fix. Non gamblers will never understand this but I know some fellow addicts will.
All the best.
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