I miss that buzz

Maybe you think you miss the buzz lol - but do you like your hard earned cash going to pay off credit card interest? Do you enjoy waking up in the morning after a big loss, with a hangover, and get that "what have I done" pit in your stomach? Is the buzz really worth it?

I'm almost 6 months without gambling and having "missed it" for the first while, what I've realised that I actually missed was life, a future, self worth, pride, family........me!!

The buzz just wasn't worth it. Find a new buzz mate!!

All the best,

Mr Brightside

Sausgages, it doesn't sound brilliant mate in all honesty. No offence, but it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you actually enjoyed what you are doing. Maybe it is because you aint found things which are out there for you, maybe it is because you are short of dough and crave a time when you had more freedom in money? For me, it is all the same, Bookies/Casinos/Online/poker - it doesn't matter when, where or what, it is still a waste of time, and a waste of money; I learned very early on that there is no glamour, not actual happiness, just debt, regret, misery and depression. Forget it, you were just wasting your time mate - there will be better times ahead which are a world away from those terrible, awful places.

Hi Lolsausages, good to see you posting again my friend, i'm sorry it isn't in more positive circumstances.

As i've said before, you have to question what that "buzz" is based on - the answer is "false hope", hope that it might be different this time and that you can actually walk away when it is virtually impossible. The same applies if you feel any sort of self-satisfaction; what have you gained? What have you learnt?

I know you are trying to do the opposite my friend but you paint a pretty grim picture in what you describe; isolated, alone, indulging in self-destructive behaviour with no endgame.

All of that precious, precious time could be so much better served my friend. I helped repair a kitchen in this disabled ladies flat a while back - the grattitude that I received was so amazing and life-affirming - it put me on a genuine high for days, as did the hill-walking in Wales that I did the following week.

When I look back, all the winning and losing is just one big messy pulp; I can't remember the vast majority of what I did, and now I know why; because it didn't really mean anything. I can guarantee that it will be the same for you lolsausages, if you push yourself into finding new things that fill these gaps that gambling has left.

Good to hear from you again and I hope to see you posting more my friend. You are worth more than indulging in rose-tinted, self-destructive memories, alone, in a dark place which is designed to take money from you - you can change, you sincerely can.

JamesP

Thankyou all for your replies and I realise its silly. But I look back and in that moment the debts didnt matter, it was just happiness... however fleeting.

Right now I guess it just feels like a very slow ploding effort with debts taking forever to be paid.

It's not silly my friend, not silly at all; I think you associate gambling with freedom and having money; how will you feel when you start to have larger amounts of disposable income again?

This is when people's minds drift towards gambling again; it doesn't have to be that way if you start changing your life my friend - concentrate on what is real as I said.

My wages are still compromised and will be for some time but that's ok - I know now that there is only so much you can eat and drink in one day, I know that there is only so much time you can have off of work to enjoy it. I also know that I never really, honestly wanted those material things that I dreamed of because I would never have risked a single penny in the first place.

You will get there my friend, you will get used to it, and it will get easier for you if you start exploring your options.

JamesP

Sausages - I have been free from random gambling for 11 months, still gamble on football and occassionally other sports but these are infrequent events in comparison to my daily buzz from gambling on anything that moved for 25 years.

I miss the buzz like crazy, every day and sympathise with you. Your thinking is not silly. I have explored other pursuits and pastimes for 6 years and have found many things to do with my time to gradually recover and not be in a position where I lose all my money but I still have huge debts and will have for another 8 years or so.

In my opinion many people who experience the buzz and highs of gambling will never find anything to replace that feeling. You just have to learn to live without it. Its not easy. Some who say they have found alternative ways of feeling like that, good luck to them, I think there are few.

In my case and again for many others, you experience highs at a young age (for me through success in competitive sport). For reasons outwith your control those highs dont last forever so you try and re-create them. Gambling is one way of doing so. In some ways better because you can get buzz every day, other things dont present such regular opportunities. But of course gambling also brings financial misery and many other negatives for those who are compulsive.

Without the natural highs and without gambling buzz, how else can you get to feel that way regularly? I dont think there are many alternatives but each person is different. Hope you find a way.

Replying to Captain46 - Spot on fella. Your post connects with me totally.

I don't know if medically there is such a thing as an 'addictive personality' - but I feel there is because I have been addicted to anything that I've tried which gave me a 'buzz' - alcohol, weed, gambling, coke, exercise, hard dieting, - you name it. But none of them damaged me so quickly and comprehensively as Gambling.

Why are addictions always negative? Why couldn't I get hooked on steamed broccoli or volunteering at my local Old Folks home?

I've always replaced one addiction with another, and enjoyed the 'buzz' of self-satisfaction that I'd conquered the last addiction, but soon realised I'd only replaced it with an equally emotionally/physically/financially damaging one.

I respect you for acknowledging this truth. Not enough people admit that life doesn't always get better just because they quit gambling. Too many people put unrealistic expectations on themselves about how easy/great their life will be if only they stop gambling, then after a few months clean they realise nothing has changed and they have to start facing up to debts (whereas before at least there was always the comfortable lie that we might win it all back).

It IS a hard slog to get to freedom. But it's worth it in the long run. My god, it's worth it!

I can only speak personally and to be truthful I still drink faaarrr too much, (for much the same reasons I used to gamble too much - to avoid reality, to feel like a winner, to feel successful, etc) but I'm working on quitting that same as I did gambling - proud to say coming up to 5 years clear in Sept (except for two minor blips)

Nothing I've found yet replaces the 'in the moment' buzz that addictions offer, but over time each one grinds me down to a point where I lose my joy at natural pleasures. Maybe over time we can reset our brains to normal levels of dopamine happiness? Who knows. But it's all about balance, and the lows that gambling brought me because the house was always stacked against me, just became too grindingly depressing. Panic attacks, constantly fending off family, friends, creditors, constantly seeing a spinning roulette wheel in my head when I closed my eyes, even getting a hard-on imagining the ball falling into the number I'd covered with stacks of chips. How utterly pathetic looking back? All the while retreating into my fantasy world more and more.

It just isn't worth it.

So, I guess we have to be honest with ourselves and accept the 'buzz' actually was great, but the price it came at was too high for our mental health. Then, and only then, can we truly move on.

Sorry for the ramble, hope the above makes sense.

Best,

Molehole.