I want to end it all

Hi

It took me over twenty years to understand why I gambled but more importantly to understand my emotional triggers.

The gambling addiction and my obsessions was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

I was emotionally vulnerable yet that did not mean I was weak or a bad person.

I am a non religious person and was abale to understand that my conscience was based up on spirtual values.

Recovery is about heeling our pains, my emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce, loneliness due to my fears of intimacy, and feelings of boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.

How long would it take to heal the hurt inner child.

How long would it take to exchange unhealthy habits into healthy habits.

How long would it take to exchange volatile unhealthy reactions into healthy interactions.

How long would it take to reduce my fears so that trust would start to grow.

Letting go of the money I lost helped me get focused on more important healthier things in my life.

For me writing a post got easier for me.

I was escaping long before I was 8 years of age.

Yes it took me over 20 years just to understand what a healthy recovery was all about.

Handing over finances seemed impossible, I did not understand that I could not trust my self with money.

Money was not happines.

No amount of money was going to heal the hurt inner child in me. 

Writing things down I got to articulate my self in healthier ways and got more accountable with myself.

I think that while I was in action I was not healed or redy for a relationship with other people.

I understand that person pleasing is not healthy.

What are you willing to do to make your feel good healthier and heal your pains.

Money was not important in my life in recovery.

The most important things today are healthy realtionships, and using my time in healthy ways.

The addictions and obsessiobns were just different forms of self abuse and hurting my self.

In time I understood that my addictions and obsessions were a form of escape, escaping in to more fears and an adrenline rush.

People often refer to gambling as being on a high adrenline rush..

You say you were shocked, angry, depressed, and anxious yet you fail to say you were in a very painful place.

I hope you can have and enjoy a new relationship.

For the recovery to wrk you need to be selfish about your recovery.

Invest time and enegy in to your recovery will save your life.

Admitting you are scared is a very healthy thing to do.

The consequences of unhealed pains is fears you may not understand.

You feel like gambling is no way to live no it the path to self destruction of you and people around you.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi Jordan,

The £10k has gone and will never be coming back. Just make sure you don't let it buddy up with another £2k/£5k/£10K+ in the future.

Sounds like you have a lovely g/f. Roll your sleeves up and fight this battle. Be honest with her and yourself and you will have a bright future.

There's loads of us on here who have lost so much money that it's mind boggling. The important thing is to let it go, draw a line and move forward...gamble free.

Go well mate.

The sooner you give upp chasing losses the sooner you will get out of trouble.

In addiction, repeating your behaviour eventually permanently alters it.

Japanese about alcohol:

First man has a drink

Then drink has a drink

Then drink has the man.

The more you repeat the more you cement your behaviour. Some of us are always going to be addicted because we have permanent altered our brains. That means we have an ongoing risk in falling back in if the triggers are right.

If you know these thing you can start managing you life a bit better. All good things start with a six week break.

That means if you can balance your dopamine levels and stop gambling totally for 6 seeks you will not feel so bad as you do when you have been on gambling for a while.

It is ok to feel down when you are not happy but if it takes over so you feel suicidal you will need to deal with that to. So get the help that you need if you feel really bad.

The more you know about this addiction the more you will be able to deal with it. I wish you well!

Best

C

Hi, thank you for posting on the forum.

Gambling can be an addicting cycle which can be difficult to get out of, but we are here to support you through this. Please do come through on our helpline for some further gambling support and one of our advisers will be able to talk you through your options for moving forward. 

We are open 24/7:  tel:08088020133

For some mental health support you can also contact these helplines:

 Mind: www.mind.org.uk   0300 123 3393

Shout- 24/7: https://giveusashout.org/   It is free to text Shout 85258 from all major mobile networks in the UK.

Samaritans www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan

Please do continue to post on the forum, and reach out to us anytime you need

Many thanks 

Forum Admin 

Lauren

@detrimental No, I refuse to admit that all the hard work I put in to earn that money in the first place is now wasted. That would be me admitting I’m a loser and I don’t want to

@jordanr_3 You need to change your mindset otherwise you’ll lose more and more until you have nothing left.

Firstly, why do you think you would be admitting to being a loser? You are an addict, not a loser. Step back from yourself and ask the question which one is the loser? The guy who seeks help or the guy who can’t let it go and loses more? Draw a line in the sand and move on with your life from now. 
You won’t be missing out on anything, you say you aren’t in debt, you have a job, everything you want in life you can get from not gambling.

I would suggest finding some help like Gamblers anonymous to help you get your life back on track with others who have been through what you’re currently going through.

Good luck

Chris.

@jordanr_3 You had a choice with what to do with the money your earned and made poor decisions. Just because you're sore about the outcome doesn't mean you deserve it back. You don't. I've been in your shoes and thought the same. You know what, some of the time I won money back, but the overall trend was losing - that's what happens with ALL gambling addicts. Anyone tells you different and they are telling porkies.

If you don't draw a line and let it go, you are signing up for a lot more pain!!

Yes sir thats always how it ends up. been there and done it many times. Im 4 days free and taking each day as it comes. moving in faith. lets try not to dwell on the past. this life is temporary. i hope you have eaten today, i hope you are well. God bless.

I’m 3 days clean now, but that thought of the overall £10k loss is still there. Why can’t I shake it off? I feel so horrible as my family don’t know about this and I’m petrified what they’ll do to me about it as they’re very strict, judgemental and domineering, thinking everything must be how they view the world

@jordanr_3 because it’s only been three days, it’s a lot of money and you haven’t yet got to the point where you view money just as gambling fodder.

It you can start living a life without gambling and start growing your savings, it will become easier to leave the money behind.

You aren’t the only one who has these thoughts but the reason you are being advised to put it behind you is if cannot you will feel the urge to try to win it back. If you do you cannot win because you cannot stop, and it will make things worse.

Chris.

As others have said, it’s 10k that’s not coming back! 

I’ve broke it down for you. £26 a week you lost. How much would you spend on a new shirt or a night out! 

i am not justifying your losses, but you need to rationalise and see it - to be able to move on with your life and start a fresh. Set up a savings account, £50 a week, 4 years, bingo! You can, will, if you truly want to, leave gambling and that £26 a week losses behind you! 

I am now more depressed than ever. I've tried over the phone counselling with Keda for 6 weeks and all it's done is made me think about gambling more as we talked about it. Now I'm £16k down the hole. I just feel numb inside now. I've come to terms I'm not getting this money back. I've also come to terms that I'm a horrible human being and I'm better off gone, away from hurting those around me. I am contemplating suicide now and I didn't think I'd get to this point. If anyone finds this now, I'm so sorry

Hi, please please reach out to someone. I have been where you are. I know it’s hard, but there are ways out of this. Speak to your doctor, or somebody on here. You are worth more than this. Your life is worth more than any amount of money you might have lost. Please be kind to yourself. Xxx

@jordanr_3 I have messaged you before on this post but you’ve not engaged yet. Hopefully now you will. It feels like it’s the end of the world but everything you’ve done and felt I’ve felt too. To have those thoughts when you can’t see a way out is heartbreaking but there is a way out, you just have to want it more than you want gambling.

You’ve tried willpower, it hasn’t worked. You’ve tried counselling, it hasn’t worked. Now try GA. Go and find a group. It’s full of people who understand. It’s full of people who have felt their lives weren’t worth living but through the group they managed to stop gambling. They managed to get some respect and pride back into their lives.

Give it a go. You’ve literally got nothing left to lose by trying. 
I’d love to hear how you get on.

Chris.