Ive overcome addiction but im frightened

Im sorry your going through this but youve took the first step in your recovery talk it through with 1 of the advisers on here good luck

Hi

I like many people did not stop gambling from day walking in to the recovey program.

My life has been invested in to going to many meetings but more importantly to understand what my emotional triggers were.

For me the pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not fully understand.

The longer I was in th erecovery program the healthier I became.

The addictions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Some people might assume that because we have emotional triggers that we are weak people.

No I was vulnerable because of the pains and trauma I had in my child hood.

It is not about blame or who is right or worng.

The recovery program helped me to understand that the word recovery is about healing.

And in the recovery program I would be able to heal the hurt inner child in me.

In the recovery program I learned from example.

Often people were very nurturing towards me.

In the recovery program I learned to open up and expose the hurt inner child in me.

I understand that pains I suffered in my life caused  fears in me that restricted me from living a healthy life.

For me the recovery program would help me exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

The recovery program helped me to understand that every time I gambled I made things much worse in my life.

Each one of my lies were fear based.

I got to understand that I was an erratic unreliable person who was unhealthy and very limitd in my life.

Only once I got honest with my self could I get more honest with other people.

Only once I got to love my self emotionally could I get to love other people emotionally.

Again for me the recovery program was not about who was right or worng but more about what is healthy or unhealthy.

Every day is about becoming amuch more stable healthy person.

No more beating my self up and calling my self names.

No more living in guilt and shame and regret.

I understand that today I can heal my pains now.

I understand that today that I can reduce my fear now.

I understand that today that I can interact with all people today.

No longer reacting in anger rage resentments hatred impatience and intolerance.

Sticking with the recovery program was the healthiest thing that could do for my self and my family.

I have been in the recovery program for over 50 years.

Yet I only have 31 years clean of my addiction.

I am often asked do I need to attend meeting being so long off of gambling.

Today it is not about the gambling or about money.

Today it is about becoming the healthiest person I can be today and every day after that.

Healing is not a race, it takes time.

For me the healing process was very much worth while.

If it not for me being a  compulsive gambler I would never have found out how unhealthy I was.

Love peace and healing to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Im sorry to hear this, something similar happened to and i relapsed, im currently 172 days g/f and im scared i will get tested again, am at a similar stage so i rather be tested now then few years time as it will hurt again, 99.9% people seem to relapse again again when they are tested in life i have made changes in life and using online services which i made the intention to continue on so when i do get tested i will hopefully make the right decision, once i relapse i always do damage to myself i cannot control myself, as its easiee to relapse when your most vulnerable i appreciate this post 

Hi, 

Do you really feel you’d be unable to tell your partner?? If you’ve been together that long, I don’t think he’d walk away?? 
I’m only saying this as I was in a similar situation, only I took out debt in my husband’s name. He couldn’t have been more supportive even though I committed the worse thing ever! 

Are you worried about your fixed mortgage ending because you may not be able to pay loan and higher mortgage??

From one gambling addict to another - it was the best thing I could have ever done telling my husband. 

Take care x

Hi Becky

I feel your pain.  Positives first:

-you managed to quit for 7 years

- you were able to repay the 12k from earnings

-you learnt a lesson and are no longer gambling

- you have a 25 year relationship

You are a strong lady; a fighter.

I have gambled 10x that amount in 5 years and draw on pension savings to fix the damage.  I feel the same hurt and shame that you do.  I am also afraid of the consequences of telling my partner though we are not financially tied.  I am afraid she will just not trust me to be a responsible person to share a life with.  I am trying to fix the damage without involving her. I too can trace my self destruct gambling to historical hurt and emotional trauma.  You are not in this situation alone.

You can do this Becky.o