*** labels

Its a mix of that. Its not to excuse my behaviour. Its to try and explain my behaviour

I have admitted before that I had become a miser, arrogant and greedy. It was me that took my money and threw it all away...nobody else.

I cant make excuses in that sense because it looks a bit pathetic

However there is more to the addiction and it all gets quite complex. Its not just about the money and it can be about deep issues within the soul. All I am trying to do while in recovery is make some sense of why I could think and act that way. I was mentally ill and that has to be taken into account as a reason for gambling

So as long as you understand that I am not just picking labels to excuse my behaviour. My money has gone and isnt coming back.

I am just trying to make sense of how ill and addicted my mind must have been. Depression is a major issue and many gamblers play for escape which is why they completely ignore the real odds.

So you are not wrong in that you have to face yourself but there are all sorts of issues wrapped up in it.

Best wishes

god bless you Joyrider.

god bless you for trying to find the 1% positive in what the human race would call 99% negative.

It's all excuses though really isn't it? I'm so angry with myself because as I was blowing my life savings, I wasn't mentally ill. I was just greedy.

Greedy and deeply unhappy.

I told myself if I won enough money I'd be happy.

Simple as that.

I'm aware that this is my truth and not anyone elses, but having read around this site I think there's a lot of support for people in distress who've blown their life savings, but in a strange way almost not enough judgement - telling us we shouldn't do it, and it's not a good enough reason to blame it on "mental illness".

For stupid example - if I stabbed your mum to death tonight and blamed it on "mental illness" would you be so comfortable in saying "oh poor you, you couldn't help yourself, never mind..." ?

Anyway, I'm just full of self-hate right now, so ignore me.

I do appreciate you trying to help though. thank you.

Hi Johnson.

You are in the right place here and with the right blocks, support and help you will put gambling far behind you.

I do understand what you are saying about making excuses.

Can you talk to someone close because If you try rationalising what you have done it does sound like crazy behaviour to them. Can you rationalise why you thought you could win because all the gambling industry wants to do is take your money.

What I am saying is that part of the recovery process is finding out who you are and what makes you happy. Its about finding out why your mind is full of lucky clover when the real odds cant possibly be like that. Its about finding out why you gamble when its just a losing game for the vast majority of punters

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like and you will learn a great deal from other people on this forum.

At the moment you are upset and I fully understand that. I dont accept that its all your fault. You didnt put those machines or sports betting sites there. You didnt set the odds. Like many of us you may have become addicted for various reasons which does include wanting to win a packet.

If you see the damage and destruction gambling has caused to many people it helps you realise that they are selling a dream. Its not free money as you know now

I admire your honesty and I fully understand what you are trying to say. You do make a very good point actually. In a way it can be too easy to label things in boxes as mental illness etc

However you may learn a lot about how this addiction controls the mind to the point that people just dont actually know what they are doing anymore Its often not all about the money and more about the mind seeking chemical highs and escape from a hum drum life.

You will get some tough love here. People like Cynical Wife know exactly what they are talking about. You wont just get platitudes and soft soap here believe me.

You will learn about the right blocks, the addiction and who to talk to

Anyway being gamble free is a lovely feeling and I hope you will join us.

My very best wishes to you

Anyway, thank you Joyrider for trying to help. It's my issue and only I can get over myself. I'm trying, and thank you sincerely for trying to help.

Can I sk what this online scam was? It might help a few people here if they read what it was to warn them??

I have no idea on what it is so I may be as naive as everyone else.

If I can put in my two pennies - I reckon that there might be three stages to this.

1. The pain/ despair/ novelty value gives you some drive to stay away from your damaging gambling. I've had this last a few days or just a few hours and then you're wrestling with your addiction again.

2. Getting through the time as the pain of the last bet becomes a memory and your desire comes back. I have heard that addicts will displace the gambling vice with another - smoking, P**n, eating too much. Others on here suggest taking on a new or renewed hobby (mine is coming on here) - it's all better than gambling, but it's kind of distraction therapy I think.

3. I suspect, but don't know (as I am firmly still in 2) that there is a huge risk of relapse if you stay in 2. It's like a toddler being distracted by the new toy - once it loses its appeal, they may well go back to what they were doing before. those that have been doing this for a while have realised that there comes a time to work out why you gambled to start with and we all know the pain, the inevitable losses so we all know it's not rational. This is where we can get those using the raw pain in stage 1 looking at the soft looking hippies in stage 3 finding their drivers for gambling and forgiving themselves (in order to remove the self hate that was probably a factor to start with).

I think we are individually accountable all the way through but need to evolve how we think about addiction to have a chance of beating it.

I have an eleven year old son so have seen A LOT of The Hobbit recently - it strikes me that golumn was often in phases 1 and 2, but never got to 3. The precious did kill him.

Enough ramblings - I like the forthright approach Johnson and always read Joydivider's thoughts, this is a good thread.

Probably time to rebadge myself as the fat Hobbit!!

Yes I think you are right that there are clear stages to be worked through.Thats a good way of putting it.

I have already admitted that it took me 10 months to even get out of the first stage. Very confused, still stressed and a bit angry with myself, I couldnt imagine speaking to a doctor and I had a huge block in my mind about giving personal details on a self exclusion form. I didnt understand how confused I was and thought I could handle it alone. Counselling seemed a far fetched idea that I was scared of. I knew something was deeply wrong and I needed help. However I couldnt seem to move along with taking the right steps and getting that help

So I plodded along with a fear of overdue bills, stopping gambling for say 1.5 months while I paid them and had enough left for food. Then I kept relapsing because I had left the door wide open to gamble. This carried on and I was relapsing every two weeks with my ill and addicted mind thinking I had done well for two weeks so I could have a gamble. Truth is I was being paid every two weeks so it was every time I felt slightly ahead again. I ran from the forum and deleted my posts in a huff because someone gave me the truth and the truth hurt me. Again thats how ill and addicted I was.

Then I had the lowest Christmas of my life.... shouted at my dad so I didnt feel I could visit. I gambled to numb the pain of a lonely time.. a new and desperate low. Maybe those lows are the final motivation..Eureka! I realised that it had to end and I spent a full day self excluding from everywhere I had ever been. I made sure I didnt feel welcome there any more. I then fully opened up to my family about what I had been doing.

I think the next stage was having the time to realise how ill or delusional I had been. The blocks were working. I had twinges but there was no outlet for them and I have never sought out other places which was a good sign. I felt I had time now to think about my behaviour and where I had been gambling. I just could not rationalise it. However hard I tried it just made me sound ill. I could only start working on the conclusion that the mind control/compulsive gambling is a form of mental illness. The addiction and the illness feed each other and Im not sure what causes what. Im not scared of that term because it doesnt mean I am thumbing my lips in a padded cell. It just means I cant have been thinking straight and my mind wasnt functioning healthily

Im also working on how I have had the addiction since my early teens with long gaps and the triggers that started it again at a whole new level

I also realise that I was deeply depressed and that was causing me to gamble for escape. Depression is a mental illness.

So over time it became more apparent how mixed up I had been and counselling did seem like the logical answer just as I had been advised to do 10 months earlier. It no longer seemed like hippy tree hugging 🙂 and I realised how essential it is for a confused mind

I booked an appointment at the doctor...missed one through fear but made another one and spoke to a nice doctor who was very helpful. Further IAPT counselling was offered and I took it.

The twinges were dying away and I took great pride in reporting to my family that I havent gambled one penny in the days on my profile. Any thoughts were now rare and immediately countered with why would I want to waste my money. The thought of letting my dad down ever again is a strong motivational force. I didnt feel I had to keep too busy but just enjoyed buying my goods online and listening to music etc

The stress ebbed away and I realise that gambling had been adding to stress as well as the obvious financial ruin. I began to wonder why I ever did it and it seemed like someone else was in my body last year doing it.

Im Just feeling healthier. I dont go to the dreary town (without a clear shopping aim) or dreary pubs. I think Im going to breeze the 250 day challenge, then to a year and beyond. I am never complacent because I feel that it can always be within us somewhere. I just think we become strong and think normally so thats not a problem. Times of stress and depression could be a problem but I am constantly thinking about what I need to do and whether any temptation could arise.

Anyway all the best to everyone

Really interesting posting guys, thanks a lot.

For me, labels dangerous, understanding and awareness good.

Relatively recently I identified social anxiety as an underlying driver. Yet not too happy with that label. It's too broad and in danger of being an excuse.

In my case it's really a fear of rejection /not being loved. This is actually an entirely normal human state. But as I lived my life being dictated to by this fear and developing a habit of escape (gambling), my CONFIDENCE in social situations took a hit.

In a negative spiral of escapism i became de-skilled/I stunted my development . It's not an inherent weakness but a consequence of (negative) learned behaviour. Which can be unlearnt. Thankfully

I have to be careful here. Some people will have a more genetic predisposition. That is different, harder. But there's definitely no rule that says aspergers =gambling. I would think it's about the same learned behaviour.

Johnson- I appreciate your honest posts too. But beating yourself up doesn't make things better. I did that self - punishment and it just enabled lower confidence and more escapism. What you need to do is take concrete and specific real life steps.

Get a solid plan of what you're going to do differently. This will involve setting tasks/goals. How are you going to achieve these? Do you need to break these down into smaller more manageable.

Others will advise you on 'the triangle'. But I'm thinking about ways of getting your life (back) on track. Being the person you want to be.

Best wishes

Louis

Yes very well said cardhue. I have been very similar in a negative spiral of escapism and I stunted my development. More bluntly I was so lonely and lacking all the feelings of good human relationships and meaningful work. My life was going absolutely nowhere in terms of fulfillment and I was completely deluding myself that I was ok and capable of real happiness. I think a numbness crept over me so I couldnt function normally without gambling style mind hits

I thought I would mention that there are lots of videos on You tube about gambling addiction

One is titled "pathalogical gambling.... what are the boundaries of addiction" in which the experts give a talk on the medical issues the neurons and the dopamine. Too much to mention here

There is also a very good one called open door problem gambling. (new zealand) which covers all the ACTION gamblers vs ESCAPE gambler issues. This covers the four phases we all enter leading to the desperation and hopelessness stages.

Sometimes we are a slightly different type of problem gambler. Action gamblers may not relate to escape gamblers but we are all addicted to the highs that something could be good to us

The medical experts and psychologists know all about this so all I can do is learn as much as I can from these videos

They talk about genetic predisposition and things learnt from early childhood. We really are just a bunch of neurons connecting together for learned behaviour and chemical reward.

There is so much in all these videos that I cant even begin. Im finding them very helpful though. There are many more videos so everyone will find one of interest

I do hope that everyone gets to the stage of looking at root causes and finding out who we are. Its far more than just wanting money although the truly deadly thing about gambling is it adds chase gambling to the mix....next time...next time...next time all the way to your last pound. Then we are back next time like the lows never happened as if it could all won back Of course gambling away the resources we had just compounds our problems.

I Know for one that I couldnt walk away from the feeling of playing...Something rarely came out but I wanted to play more. I had to play more. Part of this was the walk back was to an lonely home and empty life (whether there was any money left or not) Why would I relish that so my mind was seeking highs, emotions and escape.

Although I can cope and do feel much happier now, there are deep issues that I must work through in counselling

Best wishes to everyone