Hi all,
couldn't think of a short title ?
I’m on day 2 so I know it’s still very very early days but at the moment I don’t have any money so it’s easy not to gamble. I get paid on Thursday (weekly paid) and I’m worried about how different I’ll feel then. All of my wages are pretty much earmarked for paying people that I owe money to (family, friends etc) and I have blocked myself on all gambling sites so hopefully I’ll feel differently when it actually comes to payday. I suppose I’ll feel this way every week for a while? I’m not used to having money sat in the bank! I have created some “pots” on my bank app (Monzo) so I have things to save for in the future which will be nice to see them growing. Just a bit worried about payday ? I’ve always felt I’m better with no money lol.
I know I could have someone look after my money, my mum has done this in the past but I don’t like the controlling feeling of it - maybe this links to wanting to gamble and not being able to as someone else has control? Maybe that feeling would pass too?
Sorry I’m rambling now lol thanks for reading
Hi
It was hard for me to gain any recovery with out letting go of my finances.
Money was a big emotional trigger for me.
Yet no matter when your last bet was keep working with your recovery.
Regards
Dave L
@gadaveuk hi Dave, thanks for your reply. I will see how I feel about it on Thursday but I’m so determined to beat this this time, I really feel like something has finally clicked and changed in me but I’m not naive, it’s been a long 15 years ? I hope you are doing well today
My paycheck gets direct deposited into my wife's account to which I do not have the password. It may seem restrictive, but I actually find it liberating as I am 'free' not to lose it at gambling. lol
Hi
Due to my addiction I was destined to lose the love and trust of my partner and wife.
Only when I took my recovery seriously was it going to help me help my self become healthier.
The money was just the fuel for my addiction.
The money was never going to resolve my emotional triggers.
I could not trust my self with money.
Eventually I handed it over to another person made it easier for me.
I felt like a little child being punished, but that was only my perspective.
In time I would idenify my emotional triggers.
Pains I could not heal.
Fears I could not face.
Frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situation.
Loneliness and boredom.
In time Iwould understand a healthy life is about balance not obsession.
Each time I went back to gambling was a lesson for me to learn from.
No matter when my last bet was it was very important to keep attending meetings.
Yes the meetings raise more questions than answers.
Yet once I got more honest with my self then my fears were reducing.
To understand each time I gambled I simply made things and situations much worse.
How much do I value my self and my life today.
Do I want to keep hurting mysef and causing my self more and more pains.
The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms.
How much do I want a healthy life today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
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