My FiancГ© of 5 years has left me

Hello closet1

You don't have to do this alone reach out to a local ga group and you will find plenty of good souls who will steer you towards the light. If you're feeling low please do call the help line or even the Samaritans . Take care

Hi Closet1

It is hard to give advice as everyone is unique and really it is about what you want to do. You are desperate to reclaim the relationship. Obviously in order to do this you need to stop gambling as I am led to believe from your post this is what has caused him to kick you out.

You have made an appointment with your GP. See if they can direct you to some specialist counselling. If they cannot perhaps try calling gamcare as they offer free sessions. You have been gambling for 9 years on and off. Discussing in a safe place the reasons you started gambling and have become addicted to gambling might be an enlightening experience. Exploring the emotional issues around gambling may be extremely helpful. In conjunction with this the normal blocking procedures will help during moments of weakness. Visit this site regularly even if you just read others posts can often give the inspiration or guidance needed. Just my thoughts take care.

Hello Closet,

Your right ' you have to do it for your self, but can't do it alone '.

So, I'll also agree with Zulu and Alphie, you need external help and sorry to say, but not lay that burden on your fiancГ© as he probably will also need some form of understanding of the sucker punches he's received.

You've made good steps, with telling family/ friends, facing your debt and GP app, this may show your fiancГ© that your love is deeper than the addiction.

Albeit slowly, keep moving forward and give your self a break by being nice to your self...

Thank you all for your kind comments. It's hard to love myself knowing I have destroyed the one good thing I had. But I'm going to try!

hey, im new to this site. i'm kinda going through the same thing, my fiance has bailed me out before with debt due to gambling, even though it left him with very little money.he was quite understanding the first time, the 2nd time he wouldnt and i had to borrow 4000 from my family. it put alot of strain on our relationship. i'm just away to tell him tonight that i have just thrown away all my wages in 2 days and that i have accumulated more debt in a matter of months. i really feel this is gonna break us. im a nurse and work so hard just to throw it away likes its nothing. i have totally lost the value of money. how are things with you just now?? anything thats helping you?? it is only my faith that is keeping me going. i will keep you in my prayers. xx

I hope your situation isn't as bad as mine. It's the lying he can't deal with more than anything. Heartbreaking. I am going for complete abstinance, I can do it! Still not sleeping well, or eating well but that can only get better, let me know how you get on x

Indeed you can Closit and if you carry on with this path of abtinence, you, and your fiance and family will start seeing the real you. Here's a song for you and your fiance. Possibly a little deep but with the right sentiments -

https://youtu.be/9ckv6-yhnIY

Take each day one minute at a time, every minute you don't gamble is a minute towards a gamble free life. Never be complacent, small steps.

Mo

I am the fiancГ©, except I'm his wife. Second major time round - but bits inbetween. Last time, CCJ of £9000, this time, debts over £16,000 in my name. I don't understand what you all do. I don't say that as if I'm above u, I just mean, I don't do it, see no sense it in and I can't reason it. This time I have asked him to leave, right now, I think there is no going back. I have read many things and I see that most people have come back to this time and time again. That fills me with fear l and dread.

The lies are what hurt. The secrecy and deliberate manipulation of facts. The way I'm made to feel, the protection I want to give but after so long can't, because it has gone too far and other people need to help us financially. A dangerous habit. I think my husband has gambled with his life this time - I think he ha now lost me forever.

i think any counselling he gets will not benefit me this time....I urge any of you that are in troublers say now to your partners. Don't keep it from them. Don't leave it for the HSBC txt to say to ur most loved ones that ur overdrawn and it's because of gambling. Honesty. Trust. Loyalty. Partnership. I don't know. I'm rambling. I feel so helpless and lost.... the man I loved, has lied to me

for the last time. My best friend, has hidden a secret from me for years.

Hi guys, just thought I would give you all a little update.
Since my vow not to gamble 10 days ago, I have had money in my bank account, and not gambled once. Not even an urge.

The need to get my life back on track and my loving relationship back has been an overriding factor!

Although I am not truly with my partner he is at least speaking to me, and I'm making every effort to win him back. Small steps for now.

Shelli11 I do understand the situation you are in and it's terrible. What I have done to my FiancГ© hurts me more than anything. Money doesn't matter in that situation. I hope you can find some peace eventually. What happened was not your fault, it is the responsibility of the gambler and that's where the book stops.

I will keep posting on here with updates and milestones but for now I'm happy with my progress.

Hi Shelli

Sorry to see what your husband has done. I'd guess most of the f&f side of the forum can tell similar tales. Just wanted to say there's no point in us trying to understand it. The gamblers themselves don't in their rational moment. All we can do is draw our lines in the sand as you have done. It feels awful now but you have done the right thing. A gambler who doesn't want to stop won't and unchecked can and does end up dragging everyone around down with them.

Closet - have you self excluded, installed blockers, got a family member to take control of your finances? Restricting your access to cash and gambling and making yourself accountable to someone else means you can't act on a whim when the urges strike. You can access free counselling sessions via Gamcare and getting to your nearest GA meeting will put you in touch with people who have been exactly where you are and 'get it' in a way non gamblers never will.

Hi Lethe,

I have taken steps to get through this. I have a doctors appointment next week, and my family are supporting me but not financially. And rightly so! f&f have a tough ride of this, I'm just thinking of the bigger picture and my life being gamble free.

Hi guys,

Just another update. Been to the doctors today, and as per usual they didn't have a clue how to deal with me! I have been prescribed Mirtazapine to try and lift my mood and help with sleep. Fingers crossed all goes well!

Cruelly, my ex Fiance has been leading me up the garden path, asking to sleep with me, giving me hope to restore our relationship, only for him to let me know it's not emotional for him. Only physical.

Safe to say I will have no option but to move out of our home, and start again a fresh. This worries me, as I will be spending a great deal of time in my own company!! Not to mention the financial problems this will cause me. I know I can do it, it will just take me much longer to repay all of my debts. My job is secure and I need to keep it that way - else I really am up **** street.

Since 23/5/17 I have not even been inclined to gamble, and wish to keep it that way. 16 days and counting.