Need Advice

I think we've all been there and felt the exact same way. Its a very humbling experience. My advice is to do it but do it fully and be completely transparent in every way. Do not drip feed information, show respect remain calm. 

Your partner may already feel like something is up but doesn't know what or they may be completely blindsided by it. They will need time to process what you tell them and may have many questions for you. Be honest at all times - start as you mean to go on. 

Be prepared and have amounts ready to show. Offer that they take over the finances if they want and think through ways in which they could help you if that's something they want to do. Have a plan for somewhere to stay if they need time.

My husband was very graceful, asked no questions and disnt offer any help, he went straight into fix it mode. Whilst that was better than I could have hoped for in terms of disclosure, it disnt help.me recover and it wasn't long before I was gambling again. I had to give 2 seperate disclosures and then a 3rd after I had stopped. 

My change came when I became totally sick of myself. It came when I no longer wanted to be that version of me. I honestly thought that after decades of gambling I would never get away from it. That changed overnight. It wasn't easy, I took all the.help I could get and became very open to my husband about my struggles. I also let him know every week or 2 that I was doing well cause h needed to hear it. 

Im now 565 days gamble free and and no longer feel that pull to gambling. I look back and can't believe I wasted so much of my life on it.

In all of it, be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up won't change the past, use that anger, guilt, shame and embarrassment to become something better - dont etc it rib you of a future.

Clover 🙂

Everything is good advice from Clover

Empty the bin and the whole bin, keeping stuff back is not honest and who you will want to become without gambling

Bite your tongue, don't argue, if they are the person you think they are then they will be there in the end for you.

Be honest about what addiction does to you and how you want to arrest it. I didn't and now I can't and she doesn't want to talk about it 

Hi,

So I wanted to give an update.

I came clean to my partner about the gambling and I left nothing out told her about the debt not exact numbers but we are going through those tomorrow as I’m going to write them all down.

Explained all the lies and what patterns to look out for when I’m gambling so they can be spotted if I relapse.

I dont know how she’s going to react yet as she was quiet when I told her but think this was shock, I have said that what ever she decided to do stay or leave that I will be getting the support I need either way.

I’m going to be looking for a local GA meeting and even see if I can see a therapist to really get to the root cause as I’ve done the hard part now of telling people but that alone will not stop this I need to find real support.

Thanks all for the advices

Hi Mike

Firstly a massive well done in everything you described. It's hard but you can't do any of this without putting your recovery first. Others will benefit from that. 

It's worth speaking to the advisors here to get referred for counselling which can be free of charge. 

Secondly, with your partner, a few tips that someone gave me and have really helped

Bite your tongue and don't argue. Who is in the wrong and has caused the harm ?

Signpost her to help that's available. Don't tell her, just gently say what's available at the right moment

Try and talk about the addiction and how it takes over. I hope she will go away and research it for understanding

In terms of GA, well done ! If you go on the website there will be a number by your local meeting. If you ring the number they will have someone you can meet before the meeting and walk in with you