I've recently come to terms with the fact that I have a gambling problem and have come clean to my family. They were angry, but they are being supportive and things have been set in motion to get me help - my first counselling session is on Friday.
Short version of my story is I used to gamble and ended up bankrupt due to lots of unpaid credit cards and almost lost my home. This was over 10 years ago. I got back on track and everything was fine. Then, two and half years ago my mum died. This hit me hard and I started gambling again as I way to forget the pain of losing her. I was averaging about £1,000 a month. My dad said he wanted to sell his house and use the money to build an extension on my house which would have a flat for him and more space for me and my family (wife and 4 kids!). Four months ago the sale of his house completed and he moved into a b&b while building work started. He gave me access (online) to his bank account so I could pay the builders (father-in-law) and everything else involved in the work.
I couldn't control myself and have basically emptied my dad's accounts - over £200,000 gambled away over 3 and a half months!
Including my winnings, I've worked out I actually gambled about £400,000...
I feel the site that I gambled on should have identified I had a problem and stopped me, especially as I went from £1,000 a month to sometimes £10,000 a day. They continued to allow me to deposit (and withdraw) large sums of money for almost 7 weeks and only blocked my access when I tried to withdraw £20,000. This was because they wanted to upgrade me to VIP. They state they tried to contact me in a variety of ways - I'm only aware of the odd phone call, but I didn't answer as I don't answer unknown numbers - they didn't leave any voice messages.
As I was locked out, and owed £20,000, I called and got the block unlocked - I admit I lied when they asked the standard 'are you happy with your gambling'/etc questions - I'm an addict, not going to tell the truth! I then carried on gambling obscene amounts.
A couple of weeks ago, I deposited £500 and over an afternoon/evening I won £55,000! I withdrew this, but it got split into 5 withdrawals, 4 of £10,000 and 1 of £15,000. I received £20,000 within a couple of days, but 2 days later that had been re-deposited and the other withdrawals cancelled - all £55,000 gone with 5 days. Shouldn't that ring alarm bells?!? Apparently I won a Playstation due to my gambling - that is one very expensive Playstation, but it's yet to arrive!
I've followed their complaints procedure and gone to IBAS, but had no joy. Can I, and is it worth it, going elsewhere to try and get something back?
Hi ninja dad,
Unfortunately the only thing you can do is turn yourself in for fraud that way your dad maybe able to claim the money back. I would consult a lawyer before you decide on anything.
Chances are slim any other way as they asked you the question are you happy with your gambling aswell as it sounds like they did try and contact you but you didn’t answer and most likely they will have evidence to the fact they did.
Apart from counselling what else are you doing to overcome your addiction?
Hi Ninjadad
Given the amounts concerned I can only advise you get some legal advice.
I would be surprised if you got your father' money back because no one forced you to gamble but getting some professional help can't do any harm.
Muststop123
Hello Ninjadad,
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting for the first time here.
It is good that you've arranged to have some counselling. You're welcome to share our freephone 0808 8020 133 with your family too, as our free counselling appointment services are also available to affected-others, like family members.
The Gambling Commision website has a page that gives information about how to complain to a gambling business, http://www.gamblingcommission.gov.uk/for-the-public/Your-rights/Complain-to-a-gambling-business.aspx it sounds like you've followed their guidelines, as you mentioned that you've already gone through a complaint procedure and contacted IBAS. Josh280 has suggested obtaining legal advice, perhaps your local Citizens Advice Bureau could advise you or give you details of a local law centre.
If you haven't already, you could put some protection in place to guard against further gambling, for example self-exclusion agreements and blocking software.
You're welcome to call us for details of other support for your recovery.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hi Ninjadad, welcome to the forum.
Firstly, I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother & yes, you will probably need to grieve properly for her but it is no excuse for the financial damage you have caused, let alone the mental torment to all those around you 🙁
It is disconcerting that you write about other people putting the wheels into motion for you...It sounds like you have come clean in order to pass the buck? What have you actually done for you? If you hit one rock bottom 10 years ago, how did you get back on track? Because whatever it was that you did, it wasn’t enough, you weren’t in active recovery or you wouldn’t be here now.
Can you get something back? Don’t see why you should, sounds like they offered you all the stuff you write that they should have done and just as I did when the tellers looked @ me & asked if I was sure I wanted to, you did it anyway! Is it worth it? What are you actually asking here because it reads to me like you’ve told a very long story of theft & ruin only to find your way to a problem gambling site where you are asking people to encourage you to go and gamble more?!? Or are you asking if there are other places that can turn the screws on the site that has refused to refund you? In that case, I have no idea. The best thing you can do (besides turning yourself into the police unless to do so would cause those you have harmed more serious harm), is draw a line under the money lost & figure out a repayment plan to the people you have stolen from! You didn’t go bankrupt by chance, gambling took you there! Just like you haven’t hurt yourself & everyone else around you for fun, you are an addict & quitting with the what ifs & could have beens now will help you own the damage you have caused. If I were you, I wouldn’t be waiting until Friday...I would be taking myself off to a GA meeting as soon as I could get to one. Start proving to yourself & your loved ones that you mean business this time - ODAAT
Grief is no excuse, but I realise that gambling took my mind off of it, and that made everything right in my mind.
I never said other people have put the wheels in motion for me - I made the call to arrange counselling, I've excluded myself from sites, I've installed blocking software. Coming clean has given me the strength to fight this addiction. I looked into GA, but I missed the (nearest) weekly meeting by one day.
My bankruptcy was only partially due to gambling, there was more involved which I won't go into.
I only wanted to see if any chance of getting something back to give back to my dad - I am adamant I will never gamble again (I have no access to my bank accounts anyway, I've given everything to my wife).
Putting my hands up to fraud, and the possible jail sentance, has been discussed (via the bank), but my dad has told them no - that would destroy my marriage and I hate to think what it would do to my kids.
I'm fortunate not to have any debts, I just have to live with what I have done to myself, and my family.
ninjadad wrote:
Grief is no excuse, but I realise that gambling took my mind off of it, and that made everything right in my mind.
I never said other people have put the wheels in motion for me - I made the call to arrange counselling, I've excluded myself from sites, I've installed blocking software. Coming clean has given me the strength to fight this addiction. I looked into GA, but I missed the (nearest) weekly meeting by one day.
My bankruptcy was only partially due to gambling, there was more involved which I won't go into.
I only wanted to see if any chance of getting something back to give back to my dad - I am adamant I will never gamble again (I have no access to my bank accounts anyway, I've given everything to my wife).
Putting my hands up to fraud, and the possible jail sentance, has been discussed (via the bank), but my dad has told them no - that would destroy my marriage and I hate to think what it would do to my kids.
I'm fortunate not to have any debts, I just have to live with what I have done to myself, and my family.
Fortunate not to have any debts? You owe your Dad 200k. Your blaming everybody else but yourself. You've hurt a lot of people and you seem to care more about getting the money back so that your gambling actions are hidden.
Hi Ninjadad,
Sorry but it seems as though you aren't really taking responsibility for what you have done. Are you really trying to blame the casino for allowing you to gamble so much? I agree that casinos could do more to tackle problem gambling but this really shouldn't be your concern at the moment.
It sounds to me that you've done a really bad thing and you need to start manning up to it.
Just wanted to say this addiction isn't easy for anyone whether it be the gambler or their families. it sounds like you've made a start on some recovery tools but keep looking at anything else you can put in place
Whether to try and get any money back - it sounds like they may have done enough to cover their backs, but perhaps get some legal advice and then you will have the facts
All the best, tri
Wow! I'm not blaming anyone but myself - I just felt the company could have done things better, and was looking for help/advice on this forum, not to be attacked.
I have man'd up and admited to myself and my family that I have a problem, and have taken responsibilty to get help (with great support from my family). Getting help and attempting to re-gain the trust of my family is my top priority and I know it will be a long hard struggle to do that. Getting any money back would just be a bonus.
Anxious for my session tomorrow...
Sorry if it came across that way. Just the tone of your post was a little bit odd I thought.
I think the point some are trying to make is forget about the site and any refunds, it only serves to distract you from what you need to focus on which is the gambling itself. That and the fact you're definitely not getting any money back.
I know how hard it is but you have to really own your recovery.
I hope the session goes well tomorrow, it can be a little emotional I found but ultimately it's going to feel pretty good
Hi Ninjadad,
I understand those feelings too. Every site says that they are "committed to responsible gambling" - but how can allowing people to deposit and lose such sums of money ever be "responsible". The honest, moral answer is that when you're dealing with a CG 9which casinos often are) - there is no time when that's responsible.
However, (and here I unfortunately have to agree with what the others have said) - just because on a moral/human level those practices /protocols are wrong - that doesn't mean that on any sort of legal or regulatory level you're entitled to anything back.
They will have ensured that on your first deposit they gave you the option to set your deposit limits and that they had an entire page dedicated to responsible gambling etc etc - all the things all the sites do and all of which are utterly pointless if you're a CG.
The truth is that in a perfect world there would be a blacklist of anyone who has ever had a gambling problem which completely prevented them from ever gambling again, but there isn't which allows us (and there have been many of us) to make silly mistakes time and time again.
Yes - casinos feed off that and make money out of it.
Yes - it's wrong that they are able to do so and able to take everything we've got in the process.
But, No - there is very little if any recourse if you are one of the people who fell into that trap.
Ultimately, everything that everyone has said above is right - no one forced us to do it - no one entered the payment details, nor did they press the buttons - we did it and we did it despite the "responsible gambling policies" that were available to us on those sites.
I know how badly you want to make things "right" and how badly you must want those (the casinos) who allowed this to happen to contribute to that process too - but the truth is - that's very unlikely to happen and going down that route will simply mean more contact with casinos which in itself is probably unhelpful at the moment.
I hope you're managing to get some clarity and things aren't too rough!
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