It is 3 years to the day that I met the love of my life, when I first met her, I spent the first initial few months trying not to get to close to her, because I figured at some point she would find out how broken inside I was, before I met her I settled on the fact that to be honest I would always be alone and I was unloveable.
Eventually I told her stuff about my past, the issues I have with some things that make me anxious and just the stuff I kept hidden in my head, but it was because of this she seemed to love me even more and I inturn fell deeply in love with her.
Now I am no longer with her, ( the break up was nothing to do with gambling as I never had the urge to gamble when I was with her because well my mind was in a good place and I has had responsilbilties).
The love for her has not actually faded it has actually strangely increased, I have not contacted her since we broke up, as I feel it would be awfully imprudent to do so, the last message I sent her on the evening of the break up, was to simply thank her for all the good times and wish her the best for the future.
I miss her and think of her every day, this is not intentional wallowing the thoughts just come to me as I am going about my every day life, work stufy etc.
I excell at some things in life my work and some subjects of academia, but getting over her is one thing I dont excell at.
Since the break up I have tried dating and yet I am ashamed to say, while laying down and looking in to the smiling eyes of the woman I was with, when I would close my eyes and open them again, I would look at her at think, you are not her.
Feeling this way and thinking what i did made me feel awfully bad and also in away I guess deceptive so then I ended it, a few days later.
So here I am feeling still lost with out her, I have no urges to self destruct or to become dark, I am to focused on my academic path, I guess the reason why I am writing this right now, is it is a form of release and just a way to express myself.
Sorry to bring you guys down on this most romantic day of the year.
All the best Rob
Hi Rob,
It sounds like this person means a lot to you. However, you have not mentioned anything about your gambling apart from the fact that you did not gamble while you were in a relationship.
I am wondering if this is the right place to post this story.
Best wishes,
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