*not my diary* just think.

For all you people battling this horrid horrid addiction..for those gamble free, for those relapsing, for those who just can't stop...for all of us. We need to stop and think. Even if its just for a moment. I'm currently 6 weeks gamble free, but the affects of my gambling , the damage, is done..can I repair it?? In time yes I hope I can, but will I ever be trusted again, probably not.. I've got my family into debt. My partner, hard working, going out working 40+ hours a week to provide for his family, our beautiful kids and what did I do, gamble it away.! These past few years my life has spiralled, its been like a horrible roller coaster, with so many ups n downs, but mainly,  sadly , downs. 

When were gambling, we don't really stop and think do we. We don't think about how our gambling, lying,behaviour, debt, anything, affects those closest to us. I've hurt my partner beyond belief, I cry when I think of the hurt I've caused. Even if he says he trusts me not to gamble again, I think he will always have a doubt in his mind. 

My kids.. well , they have missed out on so much. Me being depressed (not caused by gambling, but definitely made worse by it). Not having money for the days out and treats they so deserved. Not being there, even if I was there, most of the time I wasn't actually 'there's if that makes sense. They didn't ask to have a mum who developed an addiction, but there definitely the ones suffering because of it. my kids are my world,  so why have I done this? Why didn't I stop all those years ago when it first became a problem. Why did I carry on. I used it to escape, but thats not good enough, my kids should of been a good enough reason to stop.

Debt... well what can I say. Before gambling I had spare money. I had savings. I had no debt. All my bills were up to date, I was comfortable with no financial worries. Now, we'll,  I'm in alot of debt, can't even say how much because I don't know. Its alot. One thing I never thought about when I was gambling, never even crossed my mind, that one day , I would have a review and my bank statements would be looked at.!! Please please be careful people. Use me as an example of what can happen. I receive some housing benefit, and I was randomly picked by dwp for a random check. Something that has never ever happened before. As part of this check, they needed to see bank statements for March. March was an unbearably difficult time for me and my gambling was off the scale bad, at its worse.! I asked why it had to be marchs statements as was months ago and again they said it gets picked at random.! This has made me so ill. The bank statement for March was over 30 pages long. 30 pages for just 1 month and the state of it. As most know I didn't just gamble on online site but another way too (which I'm not going to say as I font want to give people ideas who may not know about it) but with that type of gambling, I was paying people, not sites. So the amount of transactions coming in and out of the bank was thousands....thousands, I was totally and utterly shocked. And terrified. I've been thinking all sorts, what if I get done for fraud? What if that particular money is stopped? Jyst so much. If not eaten in days, not slept for 2 nights, and the other nights were restless, a suicide attempt (i won't say when) but seriously people, please stop and think. We don't think about things like this, but if I can help just 1 person by telling you this then I'm happy.

Gambling will destroy us. It kills people, it knocks there mental health lower than they've ever been before. It turns us into liars, some people turn to crime,  stealing  , etc. It drives us to places we never thought we would end up. Turns us into completely different people that our family and friends no longer recognise. It causes debt, homelessness, losing family, losing friends. Is it worth it? Its not. 

Please please please, just stop,  think, get your blocks in place, ask for help, and run in the opposite direction to this disgusting addiction.

Stace xxxx