Ahhh I'm here again! I managed to not gamble for 175 days then relapsed! So back on the wagon again I get to 35 days and relapsed AGAIN today! It was not a mass amount of money but it will take me a good month to get myself out of the debt I got into today! I'm really kicking myself I'm a compulsive gambler so it wasn't planned I just went into the roulette and at one point was 100 pound up then left 200 pound down! I have such a fantastic husband who is so supportive but I can't tell him about this as he will be so disappointed so I'm going to be really strict on myself not spend a penny until my payday to make up for the money I lost. I just feel really gutted that i fell off the wagon again this addiction is slowly killing my soul I feel like I'm ruining my life and the life of my husband who is the nicest man you could ever meet. Well for now I'm just going to kick myself and hope this is the last time as I don't know how much more I can take
Hi there can I suggest an alternative ? Instead of punishing yourself, buy yourself some nice clothing & in addition spend money to treat yourself & your family, get £100's worth spent well. Then you can think ' this is what I could have done with the money', which might stop you in the future and resent the gambling organisation that fleeced you of it. Also, it may be a good thing that you lost the £100, if you had won & walked away then a few weeks down the line having got into it again you could have done a lot lot more damage.
Hi davey that is so very true! I'm so determined to get back on track now! I must admit I haven't been on here in a while so I will be coming on to this site twice a day now to remind myself how bad I was a year ago and that I don't want to be back there! Thank you for the advice as always it's really appreciated
Hi
Thats a very good point by davey and it does work in that you spend a certain amount wisely on goodies and it reinforces what you can buy rather than waste your time and money gambling.
Not spending to make up for the money is a complete falsehood. You need to eat for the rest of the month buy petrol and so on. Your balance would always have been down by the amount you wasted and you are doing without something. I used to say that to myself and it was all part of keeping myself in the gambling comfort zone. The truth is when I was using those delusional tactics to pretend I was ok, the addiction was winning
You must look at how you have easy access to gambling and what blocks you have if any. The other worrying sign is the secret you have. If you have access to gambling where are the blocks in terms of exclusion and living on an allowance?
Those are two key signs that you seem to be thinking willpower alone will do it. Honesty and cast iron blocks are the way forward or you will continue to relapse time and time again.
Are you ready for that and are you ready to discuss the steps you must take? If you havent told your husband can you not see that you are affecting his life and it will come out eventually. This is not about hoping that it wont happen again. This is about honesty and the cold turkey process when you cant do it.
Are you ready to hear what Im saying and discuss it?
I wish you well but at this moment you are not following the key tried and trusted advice. Secrets do not equal born again moments of recovery
Best wishes
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