Relapsed

Hi Leigh, sorry that you have experienced this relapse my friend,

What you have to do is learn from each experience and use it to help you make progress; there was a point where everything you had been through before and everything we had discussed went completely out the window - how did you feel? Did you have another stressful day at work?

Picture yourself, the moment before you start. You are very vulnerable at the moment and thoughts of what has gone before are going to be difficult to carry around on your shoulders, but how about if you force yourself to get through it? How about posting here before you are about to do something you will regret?

You have to strive for a time when your urges lessen - it is a positive thing to aim for; you feel trapped at the moment, and you resign yourself to your fate, but you won't feel that way in the time to come if you stop for a good period of time; I almost welcome my urges towards the end because I knew that, each time I worked my way through one, it was another step up the ladder, and tomorrow would almost always be a better day.

You are not stupid, and you are not a fool; you didn't know the first bet you ever had would lead to a problem like this, but you cannot allow yourself to wallow in regret and self-pity - things may seem bad now but you can fall so much further; I remember an amazingly nice guy on here who first posted that he thought he was gambling more than he should, his last post, two years later, said that he had been served and eviction notice, bailiffs had taken his possessions, his wife and child had left, and he was just about to be exposed for stealing from this employer.

You need to find a routine that works best for you my friend - whatever you need to get you through those dark times; exercise helps, keeping your mind occupied helps - it's whatever works best for you; punch a pillow, go to bed, read a book; whatever it takes.

I hope today is a better day for you Leigh my friend. You are not a fool, but people will see you as one if you don't learn from your mistakes my friend - you are a good person, you deserve to live and enjoy a better, calmer, more controlled life.

JamesP