Relapses continue.

Hi Judderman

Hope you're doing ok today - I think everyone on here can feel some sympathy/empathy with what you write. I have a couple of thoughts.

Firstly what is different this time to last times? Frankly I am of the view that all the times I relapsed I hadn't actually wanted to stop. Do you? I would work that out by asking yourself - if you won £2million on the lottery, or inherited it whatever, would you still gamble? Or do you only want to stop because you've run out of money?

Assuming it's the latter then from my experience then to my mind, I think you need to put "artificial" blocks in place over the next few mths - all the things you know - self-exclusion, blocking software, handing over control of finances etc. Don't get too hung up on anything else right now - just build up the days artificially and then look again at how you stay on track in a few mths. By that time your answer to the question would you gamble if you could afford it should hopefully be a bit different.

I went through a similar amount of time to repay £ owed and during that period I built countless spreadsheets. In hindsight they didn't entirely help, because I would end up thinking "but if I were to win £xx amount I'd be ahead of the curve", or would think "ah I can afford to lose this £xx". Up to you, but they may not be helping.

Also - if I read you right - you say you can repay 7450 in 9 mths. 1) Lots of people on here would probably like to be "only" 9 mths from debt free - dont let that get worse. 2) That means you can repay £800 P/m - think how great that disposable income will feel in 9 mths. It may seem a long way off (I felt that this time last year in a similar predicament) - but then you can start 2015 with £800 P/m to spend on you, being free of the addiction. 2015 seriously could be the best year of your life. That's only 250 days away, 250 days from the best year of your life - that was ultimately the logic I used to (hopefully) finally kick this. If you can do the same then hopefully there should be enough light at the end of the tunnel to motivate you out of bed.

Hi Judderman - this is one of the last posts made to you by "Grace_Mandy"

You have made a lot of posts like this Judderman. It is a familiar pattern - you post, asking for answers, then you go away, don't follow through with them, and come back on here asking the same thing again.

There are people I know who attend GA meetings. They come each week, say they are going to stop, we explain to self-exclude, make sure they attend regular meetings and try to change their life - they don't, so we eventually stop helping because we focus on people who would do anything to stop. Would you do anything Judderman? No offence, but I feel you need a kind, constructive, great big kick up the a**e at the moment. If you don't agree, then prove me wrong, make 12 days 12 weeks, or 12 months.

I don't normally approve of posts like this but there is a lot of "tough love" and merit in her words - as you said yourself, you haven't followed through with the advice you have been given.

I don't see the desperation in your words since you've been posting my friend; I was desperate, desperate to try every single solitary thing - you are a decent, intelligent person but your communication and willpower is very, very poor; you post here when you are at your lowest, get advice, feel a bit better, stop, relapse, post here when you are at your lowest and so on and so on and so on.

I don't want to give up on you, no-one does but you need to open up more - post before you are about to make a mistake; if you follow through with it, then post directly afterwards - tell people what drove you to it, tell people how you actually felt - explain it in great deal so that we can dissect it, piece by piece.

It is fine to try and fail my friend, it is not fine to not try at all; then you see a slippery slope where people stop wanting to repeat themselves, then not responding, then not reading, then not caring.

No-one wants that for you my friend. No-one wants you to hurtle towards oblivion without a real fight, with you turning 7450 into 9450, 11450, 14150 and more, much more.

You are there, sitting there, suffering powerful urges to gamble - if you can work through that once, then you can do it every time; I almost used to look forward to them because each one was another step up the ladder towards a better life. It's a very simple solution to a complicated problem - it is all in the mind; imagine a gamble-free world, what sort of person would you be? I can tell you - exactly the same as you are now because it is all in the mind; it doesn't exist, what you feel isn't real.

JamesP

Hi - the very fact you keep posting demonstrates you do want to give the gambling up but as the other guys have mentioned you need to try harder, or dare I say you need to start trying.

Logically if you had a debt of £5K and have quickly turned this into more why on earth do you think it will all of a sudden reduce if you continue to do what you are doing. One of the pieces of advice I was given was this -'if nothing changes, then nothing changes'.

You are very precise about how much you have increased your debt to which leads me to think you know every penny that comes in and every penny that is spent and are probably very controlled in other aspects of your life but once you start gambling you lose your head. I am also guessing you hate losing and once you are losing financially you keep chasing and chasing, even if its only a few pounds down.

The losses are not really hurting you enough, yes you are fed up but not really hurt by it and so once the pain of the loss has subsided you forget how bad it was and start all over again.

You need to break the pattern and as already suggested put as many barriers in place as possible. Self-exclusion is a great start but you need to also say 'if you see me trying to come in here to gamble you must make me leave as I have legally self-excluded'. If you bet online buy the best blocking software out there. If you really can't help yourself give you bank card to someone you can trust and tell them not to return it how ever much you beg for it.

As James has said, your debt is going to continue to increase. You may play today and win but trust me, overall that debt will increase and increase until they have taken everything from you - then it will really hurt.

You are at a bit of a crossroads I think - if you stop now you can turn it around and the misery of losing will no longer be a part of your life OR you can carry on and end up in the gutter with nothing.

Only you can decide and I sincerely hope you make the right decision.

All the best with what you decide.

Dave

I understand.

I have to fight for a real change, not just a temporary one.

Thanks for the input and advice.

dont worry judderman..I'm in a similar situation..had a relapse 2 weeks ago..i fully intended to stop gambling by installing a gambling block software on my computer as im addicted to online slots. and dont get me wrong the software works..i havnt been able to gamble on my computer since January and i installed that early feb. my relapse was installing a virtual world game and buying virtual currency. then when i lost all that currency( i think it mounted up to about 200.00) all together i got desperate and tried gambling on my mobile..that amounted up to 30.00 last week and now this week i lost 130.00 as of today.. im ashamed to come on here myself as i was doing really well 3 weeks ago and now ive put my family in misery and financial ruin.

What do you mean Nikki by 'don't worry juddeman'? Of course he needs to worry and make a serious effort.

You almost make it sound as if it's ok for him to gamble because you have done it. That's one of the big issues of this site, too many people keep excusing peoples pathetic efforts !

I would suggest he does need to worry and so do you and both need to start putting a real effort in. The blocking software seems to work well but stop then going elsewhere to get your fix.

Sorry if I sound harsh but either people want to make and effort and receive encouragement or they don't.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Dave

I think you were expecting a reaction Judderman; you deserve credit for being honest with yourself.

The problem is that people want to believe in you, they want to help, the want to think that you will come through this, but when that doesn't happen, they stop believing in you, and then your words become empty, so people stop listening.

Ask yourself what your next step is - do you ignore the advice again, get even more down about it and then relapse, leading to another post where the damage has been done and others judge you for not trying what has been advised? Or do you redouble your efforts and finally give this everything you have? People here clearly care, as I do, otherwise they wouldn't post at all, but please think what kind of future you will have if you just keep going round in circles. I am new here, and I am trying everything that has been advised and by christ, it is working, and it is working better than I could of hoped - I had to force myself because part of me still thinks I can stop, and part of me probably doesn't want to; but it is working and I have a clearer head than I have had for a long time. The advice JamesP gives is like gold dust - I would re-read everything he and everyone else has told you and then do it, do it today without another moments hesitation. Do it now before people do stop bothering with you, in life, and on here - no-one wants to hear a constant stream of regret, self-recrimination and empty promises, so just do it.

I don't think people believing in me or not believing in me makes any real difference really but I do appreciate the time people take out to say something, anything.

The real battle is fought a long away from these shores, here logic is at play. Ofcourse I'm stupid, ofcourse my attempts are pathetic etc. I agree with all those comments.

It's a battle you have to win within.