Rock bottom

Hi Tr00psy, I know it will be hard to believe right now but things will be ok. I did this myself couple years ago, were I spent all my partners weeks wages. I was a mess, thinking alsorts but you can get past this. Its up to you weather you tell your husband or not,  but when I did it, I chose to tell him. He wasn't happy at all but stuck by me and my many relapses since. Do you have any money yourself. If not, don't be to proud to use a food bank. Also there's discretionary payment you can apply for depending on were you live. Most importantly,  put blocks in place before you or your husband next get money..

You will be feeling really bad right now, but things will get better, there's help out there, reach out.

Stay strong, I wish you all the best

Stace

Hey, 

Sorry to hear you’re struggling and to read your story. It brought back all those dread feelings I had. 

I was in the same situation - a housewife and  spent all his wages. My husband had no idea whatsoever. He never bothered with the bank or ever looked. But it was mentally and physically exhausting lying and being deceitful everyday. 

7 weeks ago I was backed in to a corner, I wasn’t home (usually I’d stay in until the postman had been as I couldn’t bare if anything would arrive, I didn’t want him to see!) A HUGE pile of bank statements arrived and my husband saw thousands of online payments to people! I had no choice but to come clean, and even when I told him, he did not suspect gambling one bit!

It was the HARDEST thing I ever had to do but was also the BEST thing I did. He was so supportive and the lost money / debt meant nothing to him, he just felt so sad that I was going through all that on my own. 

I was told for so long (from people on here and my counsellor) that he will find out, you cannot keep it a secret for the rest of your life, and they were right! He will find out about the missed mortgage payment and all the bills not being paid, at some point which could possibly make it harder for you and him. 

Please remember, you didn't make this choice, you didn't choose this life, it's an illness. Your husband won’t understand and it’s good that he doesn’t understand, but hopefully he’ll be there to support you. 

Wishing you all the strength in the world, you know you have a problem and that a massive achievement in itself to admit that.

I’m 8 weeks gamble free now and feel so determined. 

Claire x

Hi Claire and Stace

Thank you so much for your replies, I have only just logged back in here because I've been in a blind panic all week. I've managed to phone the council tax and set up a new direct debit starting next month, I still haven't paid the month's mortgage apart from £50 which I got by selling a few dresses online.

I have been through my attic and found some antique items of mine which I'm sure will cover the missed mortgage payment when I eventually get the money, it takes a while with eBay because I'm a new seller. I've had to change the eBay password and email so my husband doesn't get notifications, I'm hovering around the door waiting to grab any mail before he does so he won't see anything from the bank. I feel tired and wretched from this sneaking and lying. I could never tell him, he's so lovely and wouldn't go mad, but I can't tell him because he gets exhausted from work and I'd be just so ashamed to see him worry. Ive downloaded gamban but I've done that before and figured out a way around it. I just need to hope the shame of this situation stops me from gambling again.

I don't get money myself because I have an anxiety disorder which stops me from working or even leaving the house some days. I'm not entitled to benefits, so every penny I've gambled has been my husbands, and this month its been hundreds. Its never been as bad as this, I just kept thinking ill get it back if I just put another 100 on then another, until there was nothing. Thankfully I had taken the months shopping money out of the account as I always do and given my husband cash for the month which he likes to have. In the meantime I'll keep selling my old items on sphock, Facebook marketplace, ebay, hoping to meet the direct debits until he's paid again. What an absolute horror of a wife I feel like right now.

Thank you for letting me write it down and for listening, it's really helped. Good luck to you both xx

Claire, 

Like your situation my husband has nothing to do with the bank, he trusts me to pay the bills and I'm pretty sure he thinks we have savings too. He asks me to give him 250 a month to pay for diesel and little bits he needs, he's not a spender, thankfully I'd given him that just before I lost my senses that night. He will read the mail if he gets it, there will be a lot of mail coming about changed directs debit dates and late payments, then the dreaded letter about the mortgage. 

It's always the same online game I go on for years, if a site doesn't have it I won't join up. I'm obsessed with it x