I'm Lee, 11 years I've been gambling for, I'm 28.
Been for counselling. Numerous debts against my name. Not paying bill's. Lost 2 long term girlfriends. Embarrassment of family knowing. Always worrying about money. Bad anxiety. Scraping for money each month for 11 years. Etc etc.
WHEN DOES IT HIT HOME AND ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?
I stopped gambling really for the past couple of months. £5 here, £10 there. It was nothing more. I felt good in myself. I found a new love in my life. Bill's were getting paid. Life was happy! Then BOOM, again, I start gambling. Not £10! £100 bets! I start losing most of my money each month and I struggle. I lost most of it last month, struggled to get by and said I wouldn't do it again. Here i am now this month and once again I've blown all my remaining money away! But why? When does it stop? I've put bans on my phone, I've closed accounts etc etc but I'm just to clever to see past it all! I can unblock and I can make accounts with different names!
But the thing that winds me up more is that I have no value for money! I was up £600 today off my last £100. It would of got me to payday, bought some nice things, paid my Bill's. Life would of been good. But then I lost it all! And life isn't good now! But I had no value for money! I was putting £100 on a netball game! I don't even like netball or understand it! People would kill for £100. But I just have no value of money! I couldn't care!
When can I get that feeling back? I was meant to be doing a car boot this weekend but the money I make will seem so hard work compared to how easy it is to win online! I will still be thinking of the £600 I lost!
How do i get that feeling back??
It doesn’t stop.
you’re the one that needs to stop.
your story will resonate with so many, but let me tell you a brief version of mine. I’ve always gambled and always lived hand to mouth. I know it doesn’t stop cos I earn over 50k and could replicate your story but add another zero (or two). We can’t actually ever win, cos we just gamble more.
you have to stop, get all blocks in place and move on. I’m 200 days gamble free tomorrow. Never did I think that could happen, but I’m messaging you from a family holiday abroad as proof that it can. Decide to stop, put blocks in place and don’t ever get complacent. The only way to “win” is to stop
Its deep Lee and the answers are within you
Like all gambling addicts you have developed a strange relationship with life and with money. "But why?" is the golden question.
In simple terms its a drug addiction to playing and an illness. You are not in control of your own mind...scary? Its a fact!
I want to pick up on the main points to start changing your mindset.
Its not easy to win online or anywhere else. If it was this site wouldnt exist and nobody would go to work. You are not being offered life changing odds on Man U to beat the grannies knitting circle. Its called gambling for a reason. On the flip of a coin you may lose your hard earned money...You know what an hours work pays you so why would you waste it?
You wouldnt drop £100 down a grid so why do you risk it all by gambling
Next you have NO blocks if you are bypassing them and thats the delusion of an addicted gambler. Real blocks would take away your access to funds. I would stop you gambling for your own good. The question is are you ready without getting annoyed and feeling you are being treated like a baby?
Your goal is a serenity to realise that you dont need gambling in your life. A focus on whats important and that you can just buy the things you need. In simplistic terms you cant let money rule your thoughts. However problem gambling is more to do with an empty soul and whan you sort that out things will fall into place.
DO the car boot...feel the pride of spending time working to sell your goods...thats how you do gain money along with working.
You need to reach out for all the help in a born again moment. Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling. Im winning right now because gambling is not in my life....its in the dustbin of history and my life is so much better
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
How do i get that feeling back??
through a hell of a lot of self reflection & hard work
stop digging start building
Hi Leekeepsloosing,
Well done on acknowledging that it is a problem and having previously tried blocks and counselling. You have received some well-thought-out responses from other users of the Forum. I would add that paradoxically as you describe it is just when you have a new job/partner/house and debts have been paid off that many of the people who contact us describe that this is when a lapse or relapse may occur. It may be helpful to think about why that is for yourself- is it an urge to 'experiment' with how safe it would be for you to gamble again. If you have revisited the cycle of problem gambling several times now over 11 years it has probably confirmed that it may never be 'safe' for you to experiment with any form of gambling again.
The good news is that there is more help than ever available. For instance there may be new blocks that were not previously available a few years ago such as www.gamstop.co.uk (which I believe was released 01/04/2018) and some banks offering blocking gambling transactions from their angle. You mentioned counselling, if this was not gambling-specific counselling perhaps you would like to try some sessions again (and even if it was you are able to get a referral for another assessment appointment).
Feel free to contact us on the Helpline 0808 8020 133 or Netline anytime from 8am until midnight 7 days a week if you would like to discuss one-to-one with an adviser how to refine the strategies you may already be using. Peer support face-to-face may be found at local GA meetings www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk. Well done for reaching out, the feeling of being comfortable and proportional with money in general (and not just gambling) may take time.
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
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