what is this all about??

Addiction - is the continued repitition of a BEHAVIOUR despite adverse consequences.

I disagree, people here need to learn they are not trapped by anything - their circumstances are consequences of their choices - addiction, to an extent, doesn't give you a choice. It is entirely behavioural, and that can change over night with some inner strength. People are too scared to face the consequences and too lazy to do anything about them, hence why with debt they gamble - they are not trying to change their behaviour and are being lazy hoping for gambling to pay it - they want the easy life without the work.

And no, I am just another member on this forum who's actually come to his senses.

Hi Jimmyc, thank you for quoting me my friend, sincerely appreciated.

Strong words and strong opinions; when you don't have a definitive answer or cure, all you are left with is theory and debate.

Most medical professionals regards this as a form of mental illness, and some say it is a deficiency of Dopamine in the brain. There is no singular opinion or diagnosis sadly.

For me, it is depends on people's levels of emotional vulnerability; if someone wins, there is a huge comedown afterwards, then they feel desperate to repeat that feeling. If they lose, then they face soul-wrenching desperation to win their stake back again. It just doesn't affect the average gambler in the same way - either scenario doesn't register on the same level emotionally.

I agree that no-one is trapped, but people have varying levels of strength and willpower, plus it is much harder to leave a lifetime of gambling behind than someone who has only just discovered that it leads to compulsive behaviour.

I was scared to face the consequences; I knew nothing else - I didn't know how to exist, to function, to spend money normally; it was a frightening prospect; this is why a lot of people relapse - the prospect of wholesale change is wholly un-nerving; in that way, it is similar to suffering from a more standard and accepted form of mental illness in that you are let back into society when you are deemed to have "recovered" - some handle it, some don't.

It is important to remember that we are all individuals and, as GA members say, the person who has given up the longest is the first one that got out of bed that morning; we are all the same, we are all fighting the same battle - I admire your determination, I admire your intelligent and well-written approach; stopping gambling can give you a euphoria all of it's own - you feel "cured", and look at the world as a brighter and happier place; this often turns into complacency and then relapse - I have seen it many hundreds of times in my eight years here.

I applaud your positivity and vigour my friend - few would be happier than me to see that manifest into long-term recovery.

JamesP

Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a go at anyone here, I'm just strong with my opinions and it helps me to get them out. In my opinion this is all nonsense.

Great post JamesP - very fair, insightful and intelligent. Your star shines very bright on this website.

JimmyC, it is fine to have an opinion, however strong, but it helps no-one to make light of it and be accusatory - you may not mean that but that is how it comes across. If you truly think it is all nonsense, then the best way is to prove it; it is very, very early days for you yet - as JamesP has said, complacency is very dangerous in itself; your arrogance may make you think that you are invincible - you are not, you are just the same as everyone else here. Wonderful that you feel so good at this time, not so wonderful that you are ridiculing something that is likely to hit you again, and probably twice as hard. I'm not having a go either - this is just my opinion.

I think this is a really interesting thread. I agree largely with you JimmyC, although I must concur that the tone is a little strong perhaps?

I've given up gambling for over 5 years now (had two very minor relapses a few years ago due to getting lashed up and feeling cocky). What worked for me was to take personal responsibility for my actions and to not blame it on a disease. It's true, alcoholism or drug addiction is a physical process that changes the body, over time, into a physical dependency which can indeed be dangerous or fatal to just 'quit' (in the case of severe alcohol or barbiturate abuse especially so).

Compulsive Gambling, as much as people would like it to be, simply cannot be put into the same category. HOWEVER, to the CG it feels just as mentally real and addictive. I find it is the cravings that are the main problem. Even now, 5 years later, I can go for months without thinking about gambling, and laugh bitterly at my old self, but then out of the blue I'll get an 'itch', a single thought cloud on a blue sky that grows and grows. The craving can be very strong in the moment, although it only lasts a few minutes. Luckily I have learned to have self-control and will-power so do not give in to it. There's very little in life we truly have control over, and it's good to acknowledge that - but we DO have control over our actions even if not our thoughts.

But, many people just don't. They wish they did, but simply don't. The cravings are just too powerful. Even if they fight it 9 times out of I0, sometimes we are caught off-guard, or feel emotionally vulnerable. So it doesn't matter whether their cravings are less valid compared to genuine physical addictions. It is real TO THEM. Just the same as we may judge a morbidly obese person spotted cramming donuts into their face - why don't they just stop? We may say the same about CGs - they know it is killing them, why don't they just not do it? It's hard to have compassion sometimes - especially as I had to be so hard and ruthless on myself to give up, and not say 'oh well, slip ups don't really matter, nevermind sweety it's the trying that matters not the succeeding, yada yada yada).

But we MUST have compassion for those weaker than ourselves. In fact, I'd go so far as to say we must have PITY for those who don't find the inner character, strength or willpower to stop giving their money to smug bookmakers, laughing at you from behind their counter while your family starves and bailiffs snatch the wedding ring from your wife's finger. Ultimately it is only in our hands to choose to stop being so selfish, self-absorbed and apologetic for our actions. No amount of rehab or well-intentioned advice can be the magic bullet. As my man Yoda says - 'Do or do not, there is no try.' 😉

For me this thought works, as the feeling of someone pitying me really swings me into positive action and reminds me why I don't start again.

Molehole

Excellent response Molehole, I take my proverbial hat off to you.

Your point about compassion is completely spot on; for me, I look back at the person I was and can't quite believe he ever existed; I am so emotionally distant from it now that it feels like those acts were committed by another person.

Why I feel compassion is because I see hundreds of others who come here, mirroring the actions that my previous self committed.

I do have issues with people who don't try - there is little excuse for that; there is nothing wrong with trying and failing - there are those that are weaker than ourselves as Molehole says, but when people come here, desperate for help, desperate for answers, and then don't follow through with the advice given, it can be frustrating - I would never turn my back on anyone but you feel more inclined to spend more time on those that are prepared to try anything and everything.

You are an asset to this Forum Molehole, another great post.

JamesP

Thanks JamesP, very kind words. I don't want anyone to ever have to feel as low as I did back in '09, so if anything I can say helps then all to the good.

I agree with you that there's a fine line between supporting people who repeatedly fail , being too soft and fluffy with them, and 'cruel to be kind' harsh reality check that it is only THEY who can stop the gambling madness and stop blaming everything but the kitchen sink for their lack of will power. Surely a fine balance to be struck.

M

"...For me this thought works, as the feeling of someone pitying me really swings me into positive action and reminds me why I don't start again..."

This is me all over - one of the best motivators is thinking that people are looking down on me. Others should do this too - J.U.S.T D.O.N.T G.A.M.B.L.E for a bit and soon enough you'll find your self worth and maybe start to do something with your life.

jimmy

Fella thanks for sharing your thoughts, I tend to spend my time on the recovery diaries section of the forum and remember you starting your own diary six weeks ago, to be honest I thought it was another short lived diary(2 days) and then another statistic to be added to the many diaries in my time here that just fall from the pages never to be seen again.

So it is great to read that you are still on a journey that is working for you.

Just a couple of questions from me,

Did GA play a part in your recovery, as you wrote you were going to attend in your diary??

Did the fact that your father financially bail you out have a huge part to play in the direction you have taken??

if you still had the debt would you still be gambling??

I believe these things will help others in there own paths, especially some of the many younger folk who seem to be found here today.

Fella it took me twenty years of relentless gambling to find that there is another way.

A gamble free life, and your recent posts reminded me greatly of a fella who attended my GA room for 25 years, he would often say to the dismay of the new members "all we are asking you to do is not have a bet"

Apt and very true, for me it's about finding a way that works for you.

Your diary partially blamed the industry, I am glad you have moved on from that, as the industry will forever exist, although some of your posts on this thread may be interpreted that we should all be able to gamble rationally, if the compulsion/addiction does not exist.

To end I hope the 10/01/2014 is a profound date in your life, the day you found a gamble free life.

At 21 I simply salute you for it

Regards Duncan.

Never done GA. Its more of an inner light bulb, smell the coffee etc. Diary was pointless for me as it highlights a date connected to gambling and its that I need to forget about which I'm doing through change of routine and behaviour its that simple. Only reason I'm here still is to remind me that I'm not one of these people any more.

Hi Jimmy

I posted on your diary back when you were in need of support/help/advice.

I can see you have changed your outlook a little since then and if that is working for you then thats great.

I do want to say though that gambling is not the only behavioral issue you need to deal with if you want to have a happy and successful life. You may want to look into some anger management as it seems you are more bitter towards people who are in (or were in) the same situation as yourself not too long ago.

My personal opinion is those that continue to be negative for whatever reason will struggle. A lot of people who find it difficult to stop gambling harbor a lot of negativity about themselves and having people come on to this forum to bring them down even more will not help.

My advice to you now is get yourself on to a life course to change your attitude- quickly.

All the best

Linda

I've been watching this thread with interest in the last few days. While not necessarily agreeing with the opinions, not just yours jimmy, but some of the others too, what I appreciated about it was that opinions were voiced, humility was shown and that there was a general acceptance of what the other person or people were saying. That's what makes this forum brilliant - we do not judge and we do not disparage, we accept that we are different and that our journeys will be different.......as long as gambling stops, then how we get there is inconsequential.

I'm not sorry to say this, and using "it's my opinion" as a defense seeing that being the well worn phrase here - I think there has been a mark over stepped here and the thread is turning into less of a debate and more of a general insult. Opinions are fine, but when they aim blows at GA and a pretty damning comment about other users of the forum, I think it's time to move on to pastures new and find a new provocation.

Good luck with your recovery jimmy.

Mr Brightside

Yo,

Wanted to add my two penny worth to this discussion.

I believe that when I was created , they (lol) fitted a faulty stop button . Be it gambling , eating , worrying, over eating the list goes on and on and on,my compulsive nature goes into overdrive with the current addiction .

For many years that was gambling , once I stopped ,another became an issue over a small period of time.

My whole life I have been addressing this behaviour ,

Do I believe it is a type of mental illness ..... Undoubted yes. Do I use that as an excuse ..... No

I am who I am , and have no doubt I will be fighting , or pulling back on what ever unhealthy pastime ( can not think of another way to put it)has pushed its self to the forefront till the day I die . I also want to add that for many many years I truly did not realise that what ever pastime was in access was actually in access, till it hit me slap bang in the face. Now days I can spot it very quickly address it, wait for the next.

For me it has always been much much bigger than being to weak to say no , to a bet, a f*g, a chocy busicut, buying 7 plants at the garden center I really do not need, stop myself spending hours obsessing bout a work problem ......... Ect ect ect .......

So on the grounds of 54 years of being a compulsive person, I truly believe that I suffer a form of mental illness , because and I say this through experience I can not fix the broken stop button but one thing is for sure , I will continue the fight because not to do so does not bare thinking about .

Shiny x