Why can’t I just stop

I have spent most of my life been addicted to slot machines,however, it has gotten a lot worse these past two years. I self excluded through GameStop for the full length of time but then I’m ashamed to say it but one day I had this really big urge ... I feel sick to my stomach even speaking about it as obviously my daughter doesn’t gamble (she hates it) and she is unaware of what I’ve been doing and because I know she finds gambling boring I knew she would never find out but this is eating me Alive. There is no way on earth I could come clean either as she would never speak to me again and I can’t lose her. My partner is also unaware and he literally will just send me money without even questioning it and I honestly don’t realise how lucky I am so why do I still do this to myself? I literally can’t stop, it’s all I think about, sleepless nights waiting for pay day to go in the bank so I can get on to it. Not being interested in anything else I.e eating, my kids, my family, even doing the washing, I have zero interest in anything else when that urge hits. I pray one day I will be able to stop these horrible thoughts and actually spend my money on something meaningful. 
Sorry for the long post but I have no one else to vent to.