Why does it feel ok when winning?

Hi Lemon25, welcome back to the Forum,

You want to know why it feels ok when you are winning - I can sum that up in two words my friend; false hope.

That false hope derives from the fact that you believe things will be different, that you can win and walk away, which is never the case because winning will always make you want more or the same and very quickly.

I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago; I know that hollow feeling, and now I know that it comes because there is no genuine happiness or fulfilment; you haven't actually achieved or learnt anything; gambling will never gain your the respect of your peers either, plus, the grim recognition of the fact that you will never be able to spend your winnings on anything else, other than gambling, doesn't take long to sink in, which contributes to the overall comedown.

Since stopping, I have discovered those things that do give me happiness and fulfilment - I do charity work, I exercise, write, sing, go hiking and travelling; these things often put me on cloud nine that lasts for days.

I stopped and started countless times in my twenty years. There is no other way forward other than zero tolerance; nothing works; it is impossible, impossible, impossible to cut down or revert to other forms of gambling; even playing for pennies in a penny arcade is too much.

Accept it and move on with your life my friend. You are better than believing in something that doesn't exist - gambling will always be a lose-lose scenario; don't allow yourself to believe anything different.

JamesP

Hi Lemon25,

I think deep inside you do know already, what JamesP is explaining to you is the only truth.

I've been gambling from childhood on till the age of 39 when I went in rehab for 14 weeks the best14 weeks ever in my life. 14 weeks likes little bird safe in a nest surrounded by friends with the same problem looking after me.

After the Rehab it didn't take long before I relapsed again but the feeling was different and I thought "oh I can control it now" I wasn't winning but somehow I've managed not to lose all. And I said to myself "nice try Mr. Demon" I felt really good at this moment.

However I relapsed a few times again but the intervals between gambling and stopping it got bigger and then I stopped gambling for over 2 years until I relapsed about 4 weeks ago and for about a week I was chasing the first 1000 I've lost and had it in between back and about 600 more ( I don't want to call it winnings) and did I stop ? No I didn't, not before I've lost at the end all the 4000 what I meant to put away for my wedding !!!! There is no winning for a gambler through gambling mate has not be and never will be just destruction !!!!

I wish you all the best in what ever you think is the best for you mate, just wanted to tell you where it got me.

Wolfgang

In my (bitter) experience, winning only leads to bigger stakes and eventually bigger losses. And the more you want the winning feeling to return the more you dig yourself in deeper.

Hi Lemon25 - You use the term 'may be' about deposit limits/self-exclusion. With respect I would say there is no 'may be' about it - you have to put these barriers in place to prevent you from further temptation. As JamesP and others have said, gambling really is a lose-lose situation. You mentioned yourself the 'hollow feeling' you get even when winning - exactly;

when we are in the grip of a gambling bout we lose all logical thought =- we may get a slight buzz when we win, but it is a fleeting buzz as we just cannot willingly get off the treadmill until no options (i.e. funds) are left.

Kipling once observed that success and failure are two imposters which should be treated just the same - so why waste time, money and risk losing everything good in our lives for something so fickle as a bet?

Best wishes for your journey.

Joanna

Wow you guys are so spot on and the fact you have taken time out to write such meaningful emotional replies is enough for me to take action. Right now! Because I know it's the right thing, I find it so hard because I work in the betting industry but iv done it before and felt great.

The last time I fell of the wagon 84 days ago, I actually won and felt awful. I withdrew the money quickly and then closed my WH online account. I see this as a major turning point for me in my recovery though as for the first time the loss of abstinence was my main focus rather than the money I had won or lost. I was 96 days gamble free when I'd been lured back and I was just distraught at how easily my 3months + of hardwork had gone out the window.

84 days on though I can reflect on that and just put it down to complacency and now I actually think it's a good thing that it happened as I have learnt a valuable lesson.