I have made a few mistakes in my life but the biggest and most horrible one, would have to be walking into a gambling establishment for the first time.
To the outside world, I'm the strongest most independent, honest and smart woman! When I look in the mirror, I see a horrible liar, thief and a very sick individual.
So I've gambled everything away, down to the last penny. Rent and some bills not paid, drowning in debt and hating myself so much that all I wanna do is just die.
Today I considered something that I never ever did before and just the mere thought of it, disgusts me.
Gambling has driven me to wanting to sell my body for some cash.
How much worse does it get?! Why do we gamble
Hi JJ,
It takes everything from us. And what does it give us in return?
I've no idea why we gamble. In terms of how much worse can it get, I found there is no such thing as rock bottom. If you allow it to, it will plunge you to new depths of despair and desperation every time.
Have you made attempts to stop gambling?
Hi JJ, welcome to the forum 🙂
You're not alone...I contemplated it, decided it was an absolutely ridiculous idea & then used the thought to wheedle money out of my beloved aunt 🙁 I carry the shame but it didn't stop me. What has (some 20 years later) is reaching out, drawling a line under my losses & accepting I cannot win as I cannot stop! In GA terms, admitting I was powerless over gambling.
You could have been describing me, strong & independent but then you said honest & smart...I lost my honesty whilst gambling & never had time for self care so I still justify my appalling beauty routine which now sometimes consists of shampoo AND conditioner instead of a 2 in 1!
In response to your last 2 questions: it ends in death but being prepared to investigate the why will stand you in good stead for recovery. Call the helpline (they can arrange free counselling), Samaritans 116123 if you need them, get to GA, your GP, read everything you can about addiction...Help is out there when we swallow our pride & accept that we can't do this alone. We can't change our past but we do have an element of control over our future. You've taken the 1st step coming here, you can get through this - ODAAT
Thanks guys!
Just in alot of mess and i can't seem to find a way out.
When will I live a normal life again? When will I be happy again ? What has become of me and how does one go from here?
I'm confused, I'm angry, sad and disappointed that I've let it get this far. I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up again!
One step at a time...have you phoned Gam Care to try and arrange counselling? Your first step was reaching out on here. Step 2 phone Gam Care. Life can start to improve quite quickly...but you have to get out from under the duvet. Gambling has been controlling your thoughts and actions, today you start fighting back, but you will need support, you will need other people. You will find lots of strong, independent, honest women on here....women who have used gambling to escape hurt, pain, emotions, life....for a while gambling served a purpose, but then it destroys us. Take another step. You are not alone. You don't have to be strong and independent. It is OK to not be OK. Recovering gamblers are very special people....reach out.
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