2010

Hi Jas,

Thanks for my pre-Xmas Greeting last year.... I have been on Holidays with no PC access... No Internet, No Daily News... it's been good actually...

Great to see you stayed strong over the NYE period... I also stayed safe.

Happy Times Ahead.

Regards,

Dazza

Before this gambling s**t became part of my life one of my hobbies was entering competitions. I know it may sound boring to some but I actually really enjoyed it. Most were free to enter or a product purchase was required and I was pretty slick at the "slogans". I was even part of a competition "group". We would work together on tag lines and share comps and most importantly have a good laugh about the s**t stuff we had won. I did win a few things, nothing big, but there was always the chance. The funniest thing was once I won a mountain bike and a garden furniture set...strange prize but hey ho it was won by me. I was horrified when the local newspaper wanted pictures of the winners..to be printed. I made P go and collect the prizes....awful aren't I? He had to sit on the bike with the patio set in the background...it was embarrasing...and the worst thing was...when it was printed in the local newspaper it was titled "Prize Guy". I'm making myself laugh now :-))

I suppose I stopped doing my comps because gambling gave me "instant gratification". Thing is with that instant hit..even that wasn't enough. I would win...sometimes big and it still wasn't enough..I wanted that hit over and over and over. It was rediculous and unrealistic.

I'm going to start my comps again. Slow but sure and I enjoy it.

When i stopped gambling back in April 2009 I opened a savings plan...I mentioned I needed a float in our bank account instead of living on the edge. Going to withdraw that money...it's not much...and pay it into our account. It will provide me with a buffer and stop me worrying unecessarily about going overdrawn.

Bye

It sounds over the time I have known you on here that P has done everything. Getting him on a new bike for the papers tho''''' wow that stretches it a bit. He he . Take care

Last night we couldn't sleep. We were flicking through the T.V channels and came across channel 5 live roulette. There was some cheesy presenter, low tech graphics, filling time by teaching roulette bets....and spinning the ball in the opposite direction each time making the odds even more difficult. I felt absolutely nothing watching it, no buzz, no excitement, zero. Numb. The max top bet straight on the nose was £100...in the lists of winners there were no biggies...it never changes, all a bunch of losers, no fun at all. We turned it off. I don't know whether I've done some part of my brain in gambling or I'm in some sort of shock but I feel numb.

P and I have been talking this morning and we calculated that if I had continued gambling last year we could add, at a minimum, another £20K to my gambling debts. This would have meant we would be in serious s**t. For anyone new my ramblings are the ramblings of someone who knows they can never gamble sensibly ever again, there's too much riding on it.

Have a good day.

Jas,

You're a glutton for punishment aren't you??? 🙂 First you are forced to go on the lottery website, then you lie in bed watching a roulette channel. And the thing with the competitions just sounds a little too close to the gambling mentality for comfort in my opinion.

I don't think you're doing yourself any favours at all. You're trying to replace the buzz (or whatever it is we feel) of the compulsive gambler with other things which very closely resemble the gambling. Fair enough on the lottery numbers thing, I already said what I thought about that. But now you seem to be engaging in activity which purposely puts you closer to gambling - eg actively watching a roulette channel (which surely is the most boring thing in the world unless you're playing?) and entering comps. Think about what you are actually doing here - the two things you have consciously decided to do are about as close to gambling as you can get without actually doing it.

All this does is serve to keep the brain in a gambling or gaming mindset, and conditioning the body to still feel an element of the feeling you crave.

It's all well and good saying you felt nothing watching the roulette, but it's a test and exposure that a gambler trying to recover just doesn't need.

I'd say just be careful with the competition thing too. It's very similar feelings you are trying to replicate - performing a luck based activity where the outcome is out of your control, in the pursuit of financial or material gain - that's what gambling is right? I'm just saying that you would do better to try and get your mind and body away from those cravings and feelings - otherwise it could escalate again and that's what you are trying to stay away from.

Either that or you'll end up spending all your money on women's magazines instead which arguably is as much of a waste of money as gambling is 🙂

That's my two-penneth worth for today! Don't mean to be too hard on you, but you need to hear it from someone....

Matt

Matt my friend...I needed your post.

What you say is so true...I think I am secretly letting it get under my skin again..although possibly subconsciously. I wish I had, had a friend like you years ago.

Jas x

Jas, Matt beat me to it. Dangerous signs. Doing comps for a replacement buzz is def a no no in my book, its too close ot the real thing and gives us a "winning" feeling.

Keith x

Hello Jasmine, Ive been reading and posting to a few diaries the last few days and came across yours. Thankyou so much for giving me agood laugh. That was so funny about your husband going to collect your competition winnings. Laughed out loud picturing him sitting on the bike with the parasol in the background even though i havent got a clue what he looks like. What you said about being anothe 20k in debt if u had continued gambling is scary. If anything can stop you gambling again surely that can.

Hi Jas,

Glad you chose chat just now 😉

Been thinking lately about what you said re 'blockers' on the pc & it being for P's work etc.

If it was me I would get P to passwork the pc for your safety. Then pick up a cheap old pc for your gamcare etc use, that you can install a blocker. Your safety & peace of mind will then be covered.

Just an idea

Jackie x

...Thanks for the posts..

Right...I've booked a holiday to Egypt...so excited. I'm going with my sister who is recovering from cancer. It's a bit more than we expected to pay but we decided...what the hell.

Anyway...P has cashed his isa in,

cash in our bank account,

excited at the thought of going on holiday,

P nips out to Tesco for a few things

I am consumed with gambling urges

I google

I know its wrong

I am sly and sneaky

I went into chat and it has now subsided.

It's really odd...somehow, because we have some cash in our account it doesnt register with me that it has a purpose and that ain't gambling. I feel I have had a close shave...very close.

I didn't gamble but I really wanted to. Why? May have been because the holiday was more expensive than first thought and i thought, well could make a bit. May have been because I was excited and thought...what the heck. Maybe its because I'm a compulsive gambler.

Going to tell P in a minute. He will think I've gone mad.

jasmine. . You and P say if you had nt stopped you may have lost another 20k yet your moaning about a few extra pounds for your holiday.puts it a bit into perspective i say keep up the great gamble free posts (you should be on tele wi your quotes by the way) 🙂 . Start focusing on your holiday you deserve it lass for all your good work. Keep it going.

thanks winning...

I told P when he went to Tesco I wanted to log on to have a gamble. He looked at me and laughed...not a funny laugh but a sarcastic laugh....then walked out of the room. Silence...excruciating silence.

Then he came back in to the room and stared at me. He said....well you know the consequences if you gamble. Then he asked me if there was a any slot machine which would pay out a lovely holiday to Egypt...no.

Going to go for a few drinkies. My diary helps me so much....and all you guys...even you Matt..always telling me off lol

Love to all my friends in recovery from this cr**......we really don't need it.

Jas x

Nice talking to you in chat tonight,have a great weekend.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Haha! Enjoy the drinks, promise no telling off tonight!

You know what you just demonstrated to P? Absolute honesty. And you can't argue with the truth.

Stay strong

Matt

P has popped out to Tesco.....he goes instead of me becasue he gets "just what's on the list"....no frills. Today I'm not at all tempted to hunt a gambling site out. Yesterday I was fully intent on opening an account in P's name...I know his card details off by heart....we discussed having a new card sent through and he said he would prefer to trust me. What is trust worth? To me everything is riding on it.

I have mentioned before that P has absolutely nothing to do with our finances and I have accepted that it will not change now. Even now he is oblivious to our bank balance. The least I can do for him is to continue to sort our money. He is a guy who wants very little and his happiness is solely motivated by me and his family.

Didn't end up going out last night. Went in chat, which was a real help and then watched "flashbacks of a fool"...with the gorgeous Daniel Craig......if you get a chance to see it i would recommend it.

Going to ring my sister now...long job!

Have a good weekend all....Jas xx