Dan
Always admired your honesty on here - not only to yourself and where you're head is truly at, but also in the way you are honest with others re how you truly feel. In many ways you are probably one of the least deluded and disillusioned people on here ?
Also admire how you keep your expectations real and your self-awareness is always switched on.
You keep going mate. I would also love to have the odd bet with my mates, like you, I would also like not to beat myself up if I ever relapse... I just can't afford to relapse. After last time if I do... That will spell doom for me and my family, I tell you that for a fact.
Just keep on mate - you don't need the sympathy vote on here anyway, clearly you are just looking for joy and happiness in your life and gamcare is a tool by which you use to help you stay grounded in this quest, just keep doing what youre doing ?
All the best
Ps - d**n! My father is retired! Maybe I should try and convince him to retrain in the banking industry! What an amazing (albeit off the wall) block you have there! Brilliant! ??
Haha Signalman, it’s one of my most important blocks I have in place. The ironic thing is that my dad is neither an angry or aggressive person that would completely fly off the handle etc if he were to discover that I’d gambled myself into debt. But I have an enormous amount of respect for him that it would really hurt me if I were to let him down. It’s a weird one. ??♂️
Going back to the talk about progress. I’m attacking this recovery in a slightly different way this time. I think in the past I’ve always strived for immediete ‘perfection’ in my recovery and maybe the pressure has got to me a few times to the point where I’ve buckled and given into those urges. I think when you go from gambling hard to complete abstinence, there’s an element of pressure and major urges that come with it. Whereas now, I’ve released the shackles a bit and I’m concentrating on having a much better year than last year. So long as my life is heading in the right direction, that is all that I’m focused on right now.
This may come across to some people as weak willed and that I’m allowing myself the odd bet here and there if I’m struggling. That’s not the case at all. I will do everything I can to avoid a bet. But if it happens, then I’ll take it in my stride and react to it in a positive way.
Setbacks happen to everyone in life. Whether it be a sports team, your own personal life, your worklife etc. It’s almost unavoidable to live the perfect life. Mistakes happen. But it’s how you bounce back that counts the most.
Thanks for your lovely words of encouragement mate. They do mean a lot and they help me massively in my journey to a better life.
Just read through your diary, opening a very interesting debate.im not going to judge anyone or give you an opinion as you are doing things your way mate.
I chose not to hand over a penny.i had something happen at work which freaked me out in the very thing that you participated in.A team buster I paid into last year ...my colleague pointed out I was 3 months behind, I told him I didn't gamble any more but he said tough I started so I still had to pay wether I liked it or not, it started a bit of an argument and I still refused to pay and stuck to my guns, anyhow word got round and out of the blue another colleague came up to me and asked if I had a gambling problem, I denied it, I was totally embarrassed and lied, I really don't want all folk knowing.Any how that's just a bit of me.
Keep going you are doing great mate
Thanks Holycross ??
Yes, it’s a difficult situation that you found yourself in there. Personally I weighed up whether or not I actually enjoyed being part of the group ‘banter’ when they placed these bets when deciding whether to part with my money. For me, it was never about how much it cost. It was about feeling part of the already close-knit group I had with my work colleagues. I never saw it as ‘gambling’ as such. Even though it clearly was. I never envisaged following up with another bet, if that bet was to lose. And it also never triggered a gambling switch within me to go and carry on gambling. So I felt safe doing it. I wasn’t even really part of the ‘choosing the teams’ process. I simply handed my money to the guy who ran it and sat back and watched it play out.
I can see why others would have to avoid things like this during their recovery, but to me it felt no different than paying into a tea and coffee fund at work, for example.
With regards to telling my work colleagues about my gambling problem, I don’t think I’d be able to do that. People judge, and I’d feel like some people would view me in a totally different light and that my character would be scrutinised when it came to everything. If I needed to borrow £10 from someone because I’d left my wallet at home, would some people at work think it was a lie to gain some gambling money? Would some people view me as ‘weak’? If I didn’t fancy going out one night, would people link it to gambling and assume that I’d blown all my money? These sort of things would be going through my mind and it’s not something I’d want.
Top man.If you can get gambling in your life on the same par as say... eating an ice-cream (ie an innocuous task which occurs on a whim and infrequently - with little sustained value, eat - enjoy - move on) then in my book you're winning mate.You'll know if/when it becomes a problem again. And you'll seek support and help if that happens ?Go steady bud
Just to clarify mate, I don’t ever intend to have these setbacks. My simple aim for this year is to have a much better year, gambling wise, than 2018. If I lose some money along the way and relapse then so be it.
I’ll then assess my 2020 targets at the end of 2019. I’ll want to follow 2019 with an even better 2020.
I’m striving to become a non gambler in the long term. Not even a controlled one.
I want to eventually outgrow it. But in my opinion that will take a bit of time. Maybe even a few years. But if I’m not doing myself any serious financial damage in the mean time with this mode of attack then I think it’s worth the investment.
2019 still remains a very successful year for me so far. We’re over 1/3 of the way through the year and my finances have never looked better. The blocks are working perfectly for me and being caught out a week ago in a bookies is perhaps the best thing that could have happened to me.
f**k going in there again!!!!
My only concern is that I’m in the process of moving house so once I’m set up and settled, I’ll need to update my details to GamStop. Because am I right in thinking that Gamstop is purely a database with names, addresses etc and not a national ID?
Anyway, I’m sure I’ll get round to this once I’ve found myself a new place.
I’ve pretty much eradicated the bad relapse that took place around 5 months ago. It’s taken months of taking it ‘one day at a time’ but I’m beginning to see the light that I couldn’t see in December.
Things are looking up. Long may it continue.
Another 9 days have passed in 2019 and it remains to be a very good year for me.
Having focused solely on my recovery over the last 4 months, I’m now trying to sort other aspects of my life out that I’ve previously put on hold. My weight being one. Whilst I’m not massively overweight (12 stone 7lbs, 5ft 9), I would like to lose at least a stone. Last night I went for a 5 mile run which I completed in 49 minutes. This is something I got into big time last Summer and benefited massively from it. I do love running when I’m in the right frame of mind for it.
I’ve also taken up reading again, at night time. This is to try and combat my sleeping which is never great. I find it difficult to switch off at night and reading usually helps me to achieve that. Again, last year, I found that I was sleeping much better and I benefited from that the next day.
Overall my recovery is going extremely well and I am very happy. I am still able to take participate in group competitions whether it be at work or with friends because they’re not controlled by myself. Some people on here may not consider this to be taking gambling recovery seriously but I know it works for me.
With GamStop in place, I feel safe and able to relax about the possibility of not relapsing in a destructive manner.
Good to hear things are good for you Dan :))
My weights always been an issue for me and have yo yo'd all my life so I feel your pain mate 🙁
Used to read and run a lot myself until my Hip replacement a couple of yrs ago . probably due to bumping into lamposts while glued to a book on a 8 miler :)) .
Seriously mate just keep doing what your doing as it's working and all the best for now .
Alan
Haha Alan, that did make me laugh! ???
Cheers mate.
Hi Dan 🙂
Just wanted to stop by and say that I appreciate your input on my diary the other day ( the voice of reason ) ? .
Not sure I'l ever see eye to eye with everyone but hey that's life I guess .
Anyway thank's again and enjoy your evening and I hope thing's are good :))
5 more beautiful, gamble free days to add to my 2019 collection. ?
I reckon I’ve given away roughly £50 this year towards lottery tickets, work competitions etc. So I’ll settle for that. Not perfect by some standards, but then again I’m not striving for perfect.
I’m striving for a better life, an improved life, one that contains fulfilling experiences and enables me to be kind to myself and allows me to reward myself every now and again with a nice pair of jeans or a meal out with friends. And hopefully in the future, some holidays away. I’m beginning to live a normal life again after so long without it and it feels amazing.
No more sleepless nights, contemplating what I’d just lost. No more morning gambling hangovers. No more hiding my feelings at work and at home when I’d just lost a huge amount of money. No more worrying about what my bank statements look like.
Instead, I wake up every morning knowing that I am one day further away from all those bad times.
141 days to be exact. ?
Here I am on this gorgeous bank holiday weekend, free from gambling and seeing the benefits of it. I have saved up so much money over the last 5 months, not even trying hard to. It just goes to show much I wasted over the years.
I feel extremely lucky to be where I am today, given my compulsive gambling.
I’m almost 5/12th’s of the way through my target of a gamble free 2019. I’ve been signed up to GamStop for 6 months now and that in itself has been an absolute game changer. I’ve not tested it myself but from what I’ve read, it looks extremely difficult, maybe even nigh on impossible to now circumvent the GamStop system which is excellent news.
4 more days further into my journey to a better life.
Today is payday and I’ve managed to put aside another £200 towards my savings. I reckon I’ve managed to save about £1,200 since Christmas through not gambling so I’m definitely seeing the benefits.
I’m off work this week so I’m trying to keep busy whilst nursing a back injury I picked up when running last week. I went all out to try and beat my 5km personal best and in doing so have managed to pick up an injury.
The fact I’m carrying about a stone more than I did last Summer can’t have helped matters. But I’m slowly getting back into shape again.
Anyway, I’m currently looking at houses as I’m thinking of moving from my current property. I do like where I currently live but I’d like to buy a house now. So it’s keeping me busy at least.
37 days since I stupidly walked into a bookies and tried to place a £5 bet (which was declined). Not a lottery ticket or any form of gambling purchased since that day.
More relevantly, 152 days since I last engaged in any ‘problematic’ gambling (Roulette at bookies).
And finally, 181 days since joining GamStop, therefore ending my association with online gambling.
Life is generally a lot better. I’m hoping 2019 is going to continue to be my turning point.
44 days without any sort of a bet.
159 days since I gambled without ‘control’.
188 days since joining GamStop.
Those are my relevant figures. Money is building up nicely and day by day the guilt is slowly leaving me.
I guess most people on here will just focus on the top number, but for me the 159 days that I have not gambled on things such as roulette is massive and has been the main reason why I’ve been able to get my life back on track.
I can’t stress enough how much GamStop has played it’s part. I’m sure it’s not perfect (I wouldn’t know as I haven’t tried to get past it) but it’s stopped me from throwing £100 after £100 after £100 down the drain.
Not sure when you'll get this Dan as I'm currently adrift off of the Island of "Moderation" and the post isn't that great because of a time delay :(( but Any day away from your enemy's a good day Dan and you've stopped the thing that has caused you the most issue . 🙂
Keep doing what's working for you mate is all the matter's 🙂
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