2019 - My Turning Point?

First month of 2019 complete. Pretty happy with how things have gone so far for me in 2019. It’s not perfect and some may count my efforts as not being gamble free. But I’m not too concerned about that right now.

My January bank statement looks clean and I’ve saved up quite a bit of money since the Christmas period.

I’m allowing myself to spend my hard earned money more freely on things that I enjoy in life. Simple things really.... a lemon spongecake with custard last night that I really fancied, whilst I was watching the telly. During my gambling days I wouldn’t be buying stuff like that. I’d be seeing it as a waste of my money.

Let’s face it, a £1.50 sponge pudding is a drop in the ocean compared to the £100’s I would fritter away on some nights.

So far, so good! Onto February!...

I’ve just been shopping in my local, and I overheard two young lads (no older than 12/13) talking about how they gambled and lost a load of coins(?) on a particular online game that they were playing. Now, whilst I’m not knowledgeable about online computer games and how they work, I find it quite sad and worrying that these decisions to gamble are being made at such a young age.

Day 42

Still going strong, albeit with minor, irritating urges that crop up every now and again. The latest being yesterday.

However, I can’t sign up to any online sites due to Gamstop and I have no desires to enter any shops to place any bets. I probably could do, but I really can’t be bothered. The thought of getting into my car and having to drive (even just 10 minutes) to place a bet and then possibly having to drive back later to collect any winnings. It’s not for me. Online was where I did all my damage.

I won’t lie, I do miss the buzz of checking the football scores on a Saturday/Sunday and ocassionaly winning a bet with a last minute goal etc, but I then try and think about the crippling lows that come with it too. Usually soon after a win. The nights I’d desperately spend on the internet, googling ways to make money, or looking for second jobs to make that lost money back up etc. I don’t miss that at all.

My bank statements for the last couple of months look like that of a non gambler and my savings are gradually increasing again.

I’m just intrigued as to what happens when April arrives with the £2 fobt stakes and how it will impact on the bookies. My mind tells me that they’ll find a way round it and not be affected by it all that much.

And Surely the 50,000 (and ever increasing...) problem gamblers that have registered with Gamstop must be having a negative effect on the betting sites too.

I am fascinated as to how it will all pan out over the next 6-12 months with it all.

There is absolutely no doubt that bookies will find a way around this. Even one famous brand - the one that broke a lot of lads - tried to get their customers to sign up online whilst in store. That way, they would have more chance of their shop of staying open when April comes.

We all need to remain on our guard.

NT

NT wrote:

There is absolutely no doubt that bookies will find a way around this. Even one famous brand - the one that broke a lot of lads - tried to get their customers to sign up online whilst in store. That way, they would have more chance of their shop of staying open when April comes.

We all need to remain on our guard.

NT

That’s true, NT. I think we’ve got to expect them to come out fighting in some way. I very much doubt that they’ll roll over and die without so much as a fight.

Day 46

Feeling positive in my life right now. Money is slowly building up again and I’m thinking less and less about gambling on a day to day basis, though the urges do tend to crop up from time to time, especially on a Saturday.

I’m currently getting a buzz from buying bargains at the supermarket and putting all any coins that I get in my wallet into a jar. £2’s down to 1p’s.

Then I’ll have fun counting it all out once the jar is full to see how much I’ve saved up. Small things eh!

I’m feeling a lot happier than I did in December and so far I’m very pleased with how the first month and a half has gone in 2019.

I really do believe that 2019 is going to be my own personal ‘turning point’. I have all the right blocks in place, my mindset is positive and I’m learning how to enjoy life again without the need to gamble.

I was sat on NYE, with a beer in my hand, enjoying the company of my family who were all in good spirits. Myself? I was in fairly good spirits too I suppose. I’d just started my journey to recovery.

I sat there thinking to myself, this time next year I want to be sat here with 365 more days added to my recovery and in a financially healthy position to finally kick on with my life and to start living it.

I’ll be 33 in December and I still feel young enough, with no debts and some savings, to live an enjoyable life. To do things that I’ve never previously been able to do, due to my gambling.

Those were my thoughts on NYE 2018.

Each day I wake up remembering that I’m a day further away than the previous one from my gambling binge. Each day I feel like I’m growing in strength.

I won’t lie, I still take part in the Fantasy Football competition (Free) and I still participate in my work’s weekly football competion of predicting results (£3 a week).

Whether I win or lose is irrelevent, the taking part with my friends at work is what I enjoy the most about it. The banter, the laughs, the discussions etc.... we’re a tight knit group.

I take the same approach with alcohol. I only really drink these days when I’m with friends, family etc. I don’t drink when I’m on my own at home.

Whilst some would class this as still gambling (I wouldn’t argue that case at all), I don’t go into any bookies and I don’t log into any online betting sites.

I have no urges/desires to chase any losses.

At the end of the day, I have other things that I’d prefer to spend my money on now. My mind is no longer set to ‘gambling mode’.

Whether this form of approach continues to work, only time will tell.

I’ll stress that it’s not advice that I’m giving out, it’s simply my way that I’m approaching things.

It would probably not work for others.

I know I’ll probably not win many friends with this entry to my diary, but these are my own personal thoughts and it’s what is currently working for me (albeit early days).

Dan

Hi Dan just wanted to write and tell you that I do agree with you.

I still spend my £2-3 a week at work to be involved in predicting the results because as you said, it's about the banter and laughs while you're actually at work with these people rather than winning or losing.

In my 189 days of being GF I've even played bingo (once) and bought a lottery ticket (once).

Now if people still want to call me out and tell me that I'm still gambling then so be it, I honestly could not care because for me the fact that I'm not spending every penny of my wage on an Argentinian 4th Division game has completely changed me for the better as a person.

You just do what is right for you, and yes, that will not work for everyone but you are the most important part of your recovery and always will be.

JW

Thanks JW.

Yes, in my opinion there is no general right or wrong way to approach this.

If it works for yourself, then it’s right. It’s as simple as that.

Like yourself, I’m past gambling money on events that normally I wouldn’t give a flying monkeys about! I’m past suffering in silence. Any money that is used for ‘gambling’ purposes will be of public knowledge and will be spent as part of banter/enjoyment with friends.

I’m fed up of hiding this double life and feeling trapped with nobody to talk to. I won’t ever suffer in silence again.

Congratulations on 189 days gf mate! I’m glad your life is on the up!

I love my football and have been a season ticket holder at my club (4th Division English Club) since the age of 3!

Gambling on football was never where I got my ‘buzz’. I can seriously take it or leave it because football means so much more to me than gambling.

I got my ‘buzz’ mainly from online casino games - Roulette, Blackjack etc.

These days I get my buzz from other things. Socialising with friends/work colleagues, getting fit and losing weight... I even get a buzz from food shopping late at night and finding great bargains in the yellow sticker aisle.

Gambling does not occupy my daily thoughts like it used to last year. A big part of that has been down to signing up to Gamstop, meaning that I can no longer gamble online and in the destructive manner that I had been previously used to.

Myself, I wouldn’t even say I was gambling in a ‘controlled’ manner. But, I can accept that it maybe looks that way on the outside. I can live with that.

The only thing that matters to me is that my life has taken an upturn over the last 2-3 months and that I’ve not been in a bookies or casino or not logged onto an online site in that time.

I have the greatest respect for the journey that you’ve travelled so far ALN, and whatever you’re doing seems to be working for you.

But maybe you’re a tad annoyed about the approach that I’m able to take in my recovery.

Maybe I haven’t yet reached a ‘rock bottom’ that others like yourself have reached.

If I had, then maybe I’d be taking the same approach that you’ve taken in your recovery.

This forum is a spectrum, like many other things in life. Some people are in worse situations than others. Some people are more compulsive gamblers than others.

You have to respect that fact, ALN. You can’t put everybody in the same boat and expect them to tackle recovery in the same way.

That goes for quitting smoking, alcohol etc.

As I said in my previous post, my entry was not that of advice, it was simply to explain what was working for me. I’m certainly not trying to put ideas into peoples head about what is acceptable in gambling. That’s the last thing that I would want to do.

In future, I’d suggest that you stay away from my diary if you don’t agree with my approach to recovery. It clearly irritates you for some reason and I find that quite sad to be honest.

Exactly Dan, thanks mate.

ALN if I'm honest I'm quite angered by your response. I personally don't think you have the right to put me down and tell me that I'm still gambling when I'm not. I understand why a lot of people may not be able to do what myself and Dan are doing however we are gamble free and both live very different lives than we have in the past.

My life revolves around football, probably even more so now that I don't bet on it so for me removing football from my life was never going to be an option.

I just think people need to be more respectful of others and the different ways they may approach recovery.

JW

I don't go to GA however my counsellor has never once told me that I am still gambling and was actually very supportive of the activities I am still a part of at work.

As Dan has already said, it's probably best that you stay away from his and my diaries, this is supposed to be a place to encourage and support one another.

JW

I have tried GA before and it is not for me. As I've said before you have no right to tell me that my 189 days of being gamble free are a lie. I'm doing what works for me and after 8 years of failed attempts I've finally found something that works. However if all you are going to do is put me down and tell me I am still a gambler then I'm again going to do what's best for me and step away from all of this.

Why are you pushing this so far? Find someone else to pick on, I'm done.

ALN, given that we disagree on a lot of things, I think it’s probably best that we agree to disagree on things.

But the last time I checked, this forum was all about gambling ‘RECOVERY’. Whether it’s total abstinance right away or gradually phasing gambling out over time, it’s still recovery.

I’m amazed you feel the need to continuously harp on about it.

Yes, by all means make your point and have your opinion once, but you seem to get some kind of pleasure out of the fact that we’re still gambling and that it doesn’t actually count as recovery.

My point in my previous message WASN’T that if I was more ‘mature’ and ‘wiser’ I’d be taking your approach.... I was saying that if I had your compulsive gambling mindset where you’ve (in the past) gambled every penny in your account and then taken out loans which has led you to debt, then I’d probably be taking your recovery approach.

But, given that I’ve never taken out a loan to fund my gambling and never once in my life been in debt, I feel that we’re perhaps not on the same level when it comes to compulsive gambling.

However, like JW and yourself, we all fall into the category of ‘compulsive gamblers’.

ALN, I actually ‘revealed’ that I was participating in my work’s office football competition on the 18th January 2019. A month ago.