2019 - My Turning Point?

Very interesting points raised by Dan, JW & ALN.

I like to think of my diary as a sanctuary where I can rest for a while and gather my strength. It is a personal place for me and those who choose to visit. I do enjoy people visiting and appreciate their support and advice. In return, I expect visitors to be courteous and respectful.

I do understand however, that if I engage in controversy than I will leave myself open to criticism. We choose what we consider to be the best strategy in overcoming our addiction to gambling but if that goes against popular thinking, than people are within their rights to question it.

Some people arrive on the diaries distraught, mixed up and vulnerable. They may read posts on diaries were people describe their big wins and big losses or others who claim to have gone gamble free for long periods whilst still having the occasional flutter. It can be a bit confusing to someone who is already confused.

I am not saying what's right or what's wrong and don't believe we should be wrapped up in cotton wool but I do believe we need to practice awareness. We can all use our wisdom, understanding and compassion to help our fellow travellers...Stephen

DeterminedDan wrote:

ALN, I actually ‘revealed’ that I was participating in my work’s office football competition on the 18th January 2019. A month ago.

Surprise coupled with disappointment to see this point of contention still living and breathing! Let's all move on now! :o) for Dan's sake at least :o) give the guy a break now... He is in charge of his own recovery

Before we do though, just to throw two pennies at it as I have inferred previously it's none of my business how anyone else chooses to manage their recovery, I think the primary metric to judge progress is happiness and fulfillment rather than solely basing it on gamble free days, which Dan is doing as he has mentioned, so that is good. While I may have an opinion on people's approach nowadays I try to offer it when I deem it to be constructive and refrain from doing so if I am self-aware enough to know that expressing myself may be more for my benefit and to the detriment of the recipient.

I just wanted to point out that I feel I read a lot of content on here and fairly up-to-speed with the general state of play, but as far as I can see JT and Dan (please correct me if I'm wrong) you are the only two out of the WHOLE platform who actively place bets at the same time as actively celebrating gamble free days. (People who are struggling with gambling and not gambling don't count of course)

The only two as far as I can see. There are a lot of people who use this platform. Personally, If I were one of only two people on the platform going about my business in a certain way it would make me feel very uneasy and I would become mindful of this, it would require further reflection on my part and probably some action at the end of it all (this probably says more about me than it does about you two so maybe don't be overly worried!) Ha ha

So just highlighting a 'cause for concern' to add to the debate and also to force that cause for concern into the spectrum of thinking of Dan and JW... Now that's me done on this issue. Although I can't speak for ALN I would suggest that the above is all he is doing as well - but in his trademark 'no-nonsense' style, so perhaps don't take it too personally JW? Because the thing is if you read the small print part of signing up to GamCare is that we are all in this together, helping each other whether you like it or not - so if someone is concerned about you, and they raise that concern, it's simply a measure of their candour right? ;o)

But yeah, it's none of my business what you guys do and how you go about your recovery. I just wish you all the best and hope your lives become what you want them to be.

Imagine people telling the Beatles or David Bowie that they weren't doing things right and going against the grain... What would have happened then ;o)

Signalman, as ever, a fantastically written and well thought out post.

I’ve spent the last 24 hours mulling over this particular debate.

On a personal note, my recovery over the last 50 days couldn’t have gone any better. My mindset is positive and clear and I’m finally seeing a future that isn’t clouded by compulsive and destructive gambling.

The introduction of GamStop, for me, was an absolute game changer. The majority of my damage was due to having an online betting account that I didn’t know when to stop/start using. Boredom, and the fact that I had an account readily available to use, would often kickstart a destructive session of gambling. So to have completely eliminated that avenue has been massive for me.

Occasionally I would drift into the bookies, if I was out and about, to play some roulette on the FOBT’s but that was pretty rare. In any case, I’m hoping the introduction of the £2 max stake on those machines puts an end to any urges to play on them. Though I’m very wary that the bookies will try and find ways to either delay that April date or find some form of loophole around it.

The only form of ‘gambling’ that I’m currently partaking in, is my work’s weekly football sweepstake/competition.

I did think quite hard about whether I should participate or not, but came to the conclusion that it would make no difference to how I viewed my compulsive gambling. I would have been no better off, personally, if I had have abstained from playing. The urges to start gambling again wouldn’t have changed one bit because it’s not that form of betting that I would get that ‘buzz’ from. Plus I wanted to be part of it as I felt it was one of many things that have brought us closer together.

To me, it doesn’t feel like ‘gambling’. Though I totally accept that it is. It doesn’t spark/fuel any desire to follow it up with another bet immediately. I think more of the banter that I’m engaging in than the chance of winning some money. The same goes for buying Lotto tickets, raffle tickets etc.

However, I fully accept that on this particular forum, I’m in the minority that can view things in this particular way.

There are some pretty desperate people that enter this forum on a daily basis and the last thing they would probably want to read, is some guy who claims to be still engaging in some form of ‘gambling’ whilst claiming to be gamble free. Obviously that’s not what I want at all as it could give out the wrong impression.

It’s sad to read on here that there is an alarmingly high number of people who are signing up to this forum who are in horribly desperate situations. The intensity of newcomers arriving seem to be getting higher by the year.

So it is with this that I have decided to end my association with this forum. I cannot be thankful enough for everything that this forum has given me over the last few years. There have been so many wonderful people on here who have provided me with such wonderful advice and support.

I actually leave this forum today in a much better place, both mentally and financially, than I was in 3 years ago.

Thanks for everything Gamcare and I wish everyone on here a peaceful and better life ahead.

Dan

Dan :)) . I'd just left a post on Signalman's diary expressing a little of what I felt about yeserday and the post he's just left you .

All I can say on the matter is that , If you feel in control of other aspects of gambling or participating in something that's going on at work then so be it , you have choices as do we all .

Indeed if I could have dog bet or a day at the races which were never a massive problem for me I would , alas for me it's no longer an option as I've gone too far accross the line for it ever to be safe .

It's a choice I make just as you make those choices that make up your life :)) .

Look after yourself buddy and I wish you well :))

Alan

Thanks Alan, you’re a good man.

Take care too mate 🙂

Hey Dan,

Very sad that will be leaving the forum. You have been an excellent contributor and it saddens me that you are taking this course of action however, it is your decision to make and you have my full respect.

One thing that I would say is that you are correct in saying that lots and lots of desperate people come to this forum in search of hope. When they come across your diary they will find that hope. An example of someone taking back control of their life. At the end of the day that is all it is surely. Our lives became unmanageable and gambling was the cause of this. Everyone can have different opinions on what equates to abstinence but all we truly seek is happiness and a better life and being able to steer our own ship.

Thank you for your contribution.

Tomso

Dan the Man is a super trooper and I for one will be very sad if you choose to leave us. Have a break if you need one but than come back when you feel good and ready.

I sincerely believe that you need to be gamble free if you are to have any quality of life now and in the future. I think you already know that and so do all your gamcare friends.

There is only one question you should be asking yourself and that is whether or not the gamcare diaries can help in your recovery. If the answer is "Yes," than you should keep posting on your diary.

John Wayne phrased it very nicely in one of his films: "There comes a time in every man's life when a man's got to do what a man's got to do."

Take care my friend ...Stephen

Tomso wrote:

Hey Dan,

Very sad that will be leaving the forum. You have been an excellent contributor and it saddens me that you are taking this course of action however, it is your decision to make and you have my full respect.

One thing that I would say is that you are correct in saying that lots and lots of desperate people come to this forum in search of hope. When they come across your diary they will find that hope. An example of someone taking back control of their life. At the end of the day that is all it is surely. Our lives became unmanageable and gambling was the cause of this. Everyone can have different opinions on what equates to abstinence but all we truly seek is happiness and a better life and being able to steer our own ship.

Thank you for your contribution.

Tomso

Thanks for everything Tomso.

I hope to be back on here again someday, hopefully in a positive way.

Take care my Gamcare friend!

Best of luck in the future.

Dan

Self Sufficient Stephen wrote:

Dan the Man is a super trooper and I for one will be very sad if you choose to leave us. Have a break if you need one but than come back when you feel good and ready.

I sincerely believe that you need to be gamble free if you are to have any quality of life now and in the future. I think you already know that and so do all your gamcare friends.

There is only one question you should be asking yourself and that is whether or not the gamcare diaries can help in your recovery. If the answer is "Yes," than you should keep posting on your diary.

John Wayne phrased it very nicely in one of his films: "There comes a time in every man's life when a man's got to do what a man's got to do."

Take care my friend ...Stephen

Stephen, my friend, we go back some way.

Your diary is one I always looked out for on here. They’ve always been full of positivity, courage and determination to defeat this awful addiction. Reading your diaries have given me the hope and the fight I’ve needed to take into my own recovery.

You’ll probably never know just how much you’ve helped me over the years.

You’re one of life’s good guys and I wish you nothing but success in the future.

I shall return on this forum sometime in the future to see how you’re getting on and to keep in touch.

Take care Stephen and keep winning.

Having made a decision on Monday to leave this forum, I have reviewed my options over the course of the week and decided that I must do what is best for me.

Having left on Monday, I’ve found myself struggling a bit this week and with nowhere really to turn. (However, I have not gambled this week, although that’s perhaps more out of not having online access due to Gamstop).

I’ve missed updating my diary and reading other people’s thoughts on their own respected diaries.

So I’ve decided to return to the forum and to keep my 2019 diary alive.

Even if nobody were to comment on my diary, I like to read it back to remind myself of where I’ve been at various stages during the year. I find that helps me to put things into perspective and to keep on top of my recovery.

So I’m sorry for sounding like a drama queen and for making a big song and dance about leaving/returning but I have to do what is right for me and to give myself the best possible opportunity of succeeding in my recovery.

Dan

Yo , welcome back, as the saying goes the door to gamcare forum is a revolving one . For what it’s worth, I was sad to read you were leaving , and your reasoning behind it . Ultimately you are absolutely right , you need to do what is best for you and everything in your power to stay gamble free. I for one do not think you have anything to be sorry for , so it’s my view that you let that go. Have a nice gf weekend ..........Shiny 🙂

Thanks for your support, Shiny 🙂 much appreciated.

Day 55/365 (2019)

So far my 2019 has been a very productive one in terms of tackling my compulsive gambling issues.

Things have settled down after the chaotic times during/after Christmas. My bank statements look nice and clean, my finances have stabilised and more importantly, my mindset is clear and positive. I say that because not once have I tried to sign up to any online betting sites or head to the bookies to place a bet. There have been thoughts about it (which I fully accepted there to be) but not once have I acted upon them.

It’s still early days into 2019 but things are looking up for me. It’ll probably take me until around June time to recoup the money I lost from the last 6 months of 2018.

I went to see ‘Instant Family’ last night at the cinema which was very funny. Then I went for some food afterwards. It’s nights like that, that make it all worthwhile to kick gambling into touch. If I’d still been gambling, I may have still gone out but perhaps without the same enthusiasm.

Anyway, just rambling as I lie in bed on a Sunday morning.

Have a good day everyone.

Hi Dan just read ur diary and uve done brilliant. You do what works for u, if others aren't happy with it so be it, its a forum for debate if everyone had the same opinion it would be boring. Keep the diary it makes for an interesting read. Ive been gambling free for almost two hundred days but I have played a club raffleat Christmas two pounds and won a Christmas cake and done a work raffle for charity and won a bottle of Harrods champayne. I was only entering to give five pounds to charity I didn't even know the prizes lol the charity was for people with life ending illnesses homes something like that. All I'm saying is that that could probably be called gambling but its for a reason I believe helps me or others. You do the three pound thing for banter at work, to communicate with ur colleagues and it wont escalate. You can talk about what to bet on and how close ur were to winning and idf u win putit towards future ones. I'm 195 gamble free days and that's a fact and nothing others on this forum can say will change that and you are too Dan.

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Thanks Adam! You’ve done brilliantly to almost get to 200 days GF. What a milestone that’ll be when you get there. So happy for you mate.