21st of October 2012- That day

It's crazy how making the choice to stop makes us a lot more sensible when it comes to make decisions. Thanks for the post David, still checking in on yourself and happy that you're keeping it going, like myself keep looking for the positives where you can. Patience has been my most important word since giving up and honesty second, they are two things you'll need to be equipped with to stop gambling. I am very close to making a breakthrough, the debts will all be cleared in January, I'll have the car by February and things are actually starting to go to plan which means I'm starting to feel more in control of my life, more than I have ever before. When I take away my debt I have a very good amount of disposable to start saving and start planning to set up a business with. I need at least a year non gambling behind me before I genuinely plan for setting up a business as I don't want to jeopardise any future I have and try and be as stable as I can. I've never had a picture of the future before and it gives you a real motivation to want to achieve, to have a family and kids and give them a secure future. Again I can only talk about that sort of future if it's without gambling.

Good evening people, going to be a good weekend (even though I'm working) because it's both 7 weeks and then 50 days and at this stage I can never see myself going back, I think it helps that I now know what I want... I've had the pen and paper in my hands more than ever before, there is lots to get done and I think that was half my battle with giving up was to keep my mind occupied. I've had no troubles there, think all the cobwebs have gone and I'm starting to think again and feel emotions like I should have been. No more zombie like living.

Week 7 and I'm slightly worried that there has been to temptation at all but I'm enjoying it, I think it's called freedom. I'm not stressed about things and thinking with an open mind... Also feeling a lot less insecure because I'm simply just being me. The gym is going well and starting a yoga course because it's something different in January and buying my kite in january, that's when the real fun begins because that's me celebrating being debt free when that kite is flying in the sky. None of this would have been achieved if I slipped off the non gambling wagon and I think it's important I keep reminding myself why I am now in this position as I was going down a very slippery road before.

well your flying high in them gamble free days and well deserved. keep it up

Thanks man, my 50th day today next step 100 days- it does seem like time has slowed down a bit but I guess a lot has changed in those 50 days so I'm wondering what sort of Sean I'll be on day 100. See that's my positivity right there not even a question of if I make it to day 100 it's just going to happen- my only target remains to be gambling free for the rest of my days on this little planet. A couple of days ago I was looking at savings accounts, I was thinking to myself 'How have I not done this sooner', it kind of shows you what a mugs game gambling is because with a savings account you're getting paid to have money- guaranteed returns. Making money by not doing anything with it, that's different and I have a very clear plan because of that and I guess in some ways it takes away the need to gamble because by keeping that money in my pocket I'm profiteering. To get the best out of things you have to be patient.

Nothings ever easy but the things worth fighting for never are. I think at the moment I have to accept I feel weak and that's because of the changes but that I'll be strong again once I have rid myself of my demons- debt and gambling. I'm going to give up my phone for a few weeks and social media just so I can try and get my head right as I'm not being myself. Losing someone hits me hard and I think I've mentioned before I would have gambled previously to cushion that loss but actually going through the emotions is a lot harder- I know once I'm through this I'll be stronger and any pain is worth it as that's me giving myself an opportunity at a future.

Well done ST it's great reading your diary your story is very similar to mine and a lot of gamblers, and congratulations with the 50 days I'm only on 13 days but just reading your diary gives me more strength to get to where you are at,great stuff mate will keep an eye on your diary stay strong my friend.

Thanks Bear, well done on getting flowers for your lady. Woke up today with the Big Brother voice in my head 'Day 52 in the Big Brother house and Sean is still not gambling'... Been pricing up cars today and last night which is my reward for being gamble free, I'm leaning to the VW golf but we'll have to see what the finances are saying come January/February time.

Hi ST, good to hear you are winning the fight. Take one day at a time buddy and all will work itself out. A VW, nice choice of motor, although with the price of fuel, I reckon you should get a bike!

Keep it up mate, the rewards are immense, bought myself a pair of jeans at the weekend and felt like a king walking out of the shop, I can only feel that way if i dont gamble

Take Care

Blues

Can't disagree with vw golf mate great car 🙂 stay strong my friend 🙂

Enjoying my time off work and things are at the stage where they are just working out, I say I'll do something and I do it- I remember that feeling when I was gambling online I'd say 'I have to buy this' so I'd go online to buy it but I'd go onto have a quick gamble then I wouldn't have enough for what I wanted to buy- so not only was I losing money I was losing out on something I wanted. I get a bill now and I pay it, I don't have to wait till payday because I have cash spare... finances are a big part of our mental health, if they are not getting smaller you start getting stressed and sometimes the only way you feel you can fight is by gambling but when they say choose your battles wisely they aren't kidding. If you can be patient, accept that you won't win straight away but you can survive then as time goes on your stronger to win the battle. Once you can say your winning then you can start making other people proud that they've now got someone fighting in their corner... someone who beat the odds.

Great post mate and very true. I like to read your diary as I always come away with something. Wise words mate and your doing fantastic. Keep it going - one day at a time - your winning this battle!

Thanks for the post David, so todays events are looking back over my relationship with my ex girlfriend. I decided I would look back through the messages and the broken promises of when we were together all because of gambling and she was right to leave. I really messed up with this one and it took someone as good as her to make me realise that I needed to change, I begun to question why she was pulling back and if I was her I would have done the exact same thing because I was going to cause nothing but pain if I kept down the road I was going. We both agreed that we would have liked to have met when I was 'fixed' but neither of us would change what we went through together because it's something I don't think either of us will forget. The last couple of months were really tough and it took one bad date to realise to what extent I had let things get to, she was going out with a zombie, someone who was there physically but not emotionally and mentally. I was never going to win her back. The great thing is that she has some really good friends so I know they'll be looking out for her so I have no doubt she'll find happiness in the end, it's just really frustrating because I know I could have been that man had I just seen sense just that little bit sooner.

So when people come onto my diary to see my determination, share my experiences, they should understand that I may not have lost hundreds of thousands I've lost something worth a lot more than that.

So true ST, so very true. You can't buy love or trust. I've lost loads of money, but if I had a choice between any amount of money and holding her in my arms again, even a chance at trying to win her back...it would be the easiest decision ever.. We can't change the past but we can surely change the future.

Not much more I can add to that Andrei, well said and the good thing about this site there's nothing but honesty, it's a good place to be. I'm getting to the stage where I'm bored of counting how many days gambling free I've been, things are starting to get easier as time goes so the short lived buzz of gambling isn't on my mind at all. I can't change what I've done in the past, I've accepted that and learnt from it... this experience will not be one I'll forget and hopefully try and help other people with as you never know until you've been there. My dad even surprised me, he said he's given up gambling for the last couple of weeks... I don't think you can tell anyone to give up but you can help them on the right path through your own actions. It's a nice little reward.