5th Relapse

wish there were some good explanations t these clstr f*s one manages to put oneself through but there is not. There are just behaviours then some more then some more. Worst part of it is that if someone came up to you and said that you are out of your mind, you would probably defend yourself and say no I am not. You manage to function on every other level perfectly rationally right? But we pretty messed up in this one small area. We have seen so many wins and so many strange and wonderful things that managed to get us out of dodge when the times have been hard so we simply start believing in the fairytales the mind creates regarding this and mark my words the fairytales of gambling will be with you always. The industry lives on storytelling to keep you mesmerised so how can you avoid it?

You can only fix this before you start not when you finish. So all the outs you choose to cover the sinking ship will actually contributes to sinking that ship deeper and faster. Its like a pack of hyenas all wanting a piece of you.

But there is light at the end of this. It is a learning experience and the more knowledge you have the more equipt you get to handle the downfalls along the way. Decide to get yourself through this and you will. Start using that wonderful mind of yours to think of new and better ways of making new income. Write down things. I finished reading a book about a gambler who managed to lose 2 million pounds in 1 year. He ended up in prison (He is there now) Even though he was about finished with life he still managed to save himself and write a book about the experience. We have so much more in us than we think so it is about mustering up your extra 40% and decide to make a comeback. There are no other choices than to move forward. None!

I wish you well!

C

@c43h 

Hi

The addictions and obsessions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Being in the recovery I would make a decision for myself to give up my unhealthy habits and exchange them to healthy habits. 

The addictions and obsessions indicated I could not cope emotionally in a healthy way with life people and situations.

The addictions and obsessions indicated I was escaping in my fears.

Having any kind of wins just caused me more pains and I would lose more time gambling.

The money was only the fuel for my addictions.

Thinking the only time I felt successful was when I won was destroying me. 

You can only heal if you admit to your self you are being unhealthy.

You can only find a healthy life by admitting to your self you need help.

By admitting to your self you need help is a sign of your strength.

By wasting my time and money I causing myself more and more pain and suffering and hurting the very people I am suppose to love.

By sticking in the recovery program there is light was a light at the end of this painful self destruction existence.

The recovery program is a healing and a learning experience and the more aware you are you have a chance of becoming healthy and whole. 

The recovery program is a healing process and a chance to be a person I am proud of myself today.

For me the downfalls were very destructive habits which caused me so much pain I did not it any more.

To live my days being healing and healthier and having intimacy gives me a life I only use to dream of.

Who would ever think I would be successful in my recovery, not me. 

Who would ever think I would be in giving up so many unhealthy habits.

I use to fear my life and my tomorrows now I embrace being healthy and not living in fear any more.

Love and peace to every one.

Thank you

Dave L

Agreed ,hope that there is a way to contact the poster. Sometimes just a line to ask if someone is ok is an opening for conversation

Thank you for your concerns regarding this thread, Forum Admin are aware  and following GamCare processes. 

Clare

Forum Admin

Morning,

I would like to say thank you for commenting and providing words of wisdom and encouragement.

I also want to apologise for any stress and concern caused. As I haven't spoken to my family yet, I've been unable to answer calls (if my family overheard) or log back on to respond until now.

Police did knock on my door yesterday due to my recovery diary post which was the most difficult situation as I haven't told my family yet, however my partner was in the garden and was unaware. Although fully understand the reasoning for the check in, so thank you for the support and again apologise I've been unable to respond until now.

It has not been easy. I had a GP appointment on Friday, signed off work for 2 weeks to focus on my situation and take that stress factor out.

I will focus on stepchange, counselling and various support tools going forward. Although my worst and most difficult discussion is still to be had with my family in the coming weeks. In my head I'm waiting for the right moment, but there will never be one but they are my world and hurting them will be the worst.

Day 1 recovery has started again and I'm  looking to utilise the relevant tools, diaries, support others in the same situation and try find a way through this difficult situation where I'm rock bottom.

Morning Ryan_23,

Well done for talking with your GP and taking some time out to reduce your stress.

It sounds like you are intending to continue using professional and peer support to help you find your way forward.  The GamCare forum members will surely be keen to continue supporting you on your recovery.

Please call us anytime on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or Live Chat if you need to talk.

Take care,

Adam.